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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with how utterly messy (and gross) DH is

198 replies

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 17:43

I am genuinely considering asking him to move out because I just cannot take anymore...
I clean up more after DH than I do 2 toddlers. And not “normal” tidying up either
We have a sofa which generally looks nice if not being slept on every night by a 17 stone man who is too lazy to walk to bed. And when not having food dropped al over it by a mid thirties man whilst the children eat at the table. Every single morning I have to come down and twist the cushion covers back around from him being slumped on it and reshape them.
I also regularly find he has wiped his snot on things like walls, doors, the side of the sofa, under the table etc. Occasionally he will just blow his snot onto the floor for me to step in on my way past.
Similar to a lot of men he often spends a long time shitting in the toilet. Then leaves it for me to clean.

It’s the fact that I’m pretty much spending my life sorting out part of the sofa that I have repeatedly asked him not to sleep on as he is slowly destroying it, part of the sofa that only he sits on (the comfiest bit, the chaise bit on the corner).

The fact that I’m cleaning bogies off of my home when my children dont even do that.

The fact that I’m cleaning poo that’s not mine and often don’t see it until it’s dried so I have to scrub it, whereas I’ve explained to him that if he throws a bit of bleach down the toilet and shuts the lid it will likely slide off.

Very fed up and feeling like my otherwise good relationship is failing because of this disgusting man.

Yes, he has always been like this but I guess I have run out of breath in telling him not to do these things

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 12/08/2021 18:09

Snot even! The shit is bad but fucking hell shit all over

MotionActivatedDog · 12/08/2021 18:09

Jesus fucking Christ!! How the hell did you suppress the urge to vomit long enough to create children with this disgusting man? And more importantly, WHY did you?

ScaredOfDinosaurs · 12/08/2021 18:09

Do you think he would respond to an ultimatum? Perhaps even going so far as to put divorce papers in front of him and tell him you're only doing it because he refuses to stop being disgusting - his choice to continue being a single slob or a reasonable husband.

twitchyyellow · 12/08/2021 18:09

But if he loved you, he'd change his ways. He is disgusting and will always be this way if you have repeatedly discussed it with him. He will get worse.

How can you even love a person this disgusting. Your poor children.

DeRigueurMortis · 12/08/2021 18:09

We are way beyond messy territory here.

If I'd have ever found DH wiping snot on the walls, or stepped into it, it would have been the last time it ever happened.

It's really, really grim.

I just can't imagine having any love/respect for someone who thinks that's acceptable.

Yes, tell him him to move out.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 12/08/2021 18:12

What the hell does he say when you mention the snot on the walls and doors?
There's just no reply for that Shock.

It's beyond belief.

Dontwatchfootball · 12/08/2021 18:12

So disgusting. Total lack of care and respect.

MustBeThin · 12/08/2021 18:15

This is one of the most revolting things I've read on MN. Get out before your kids start to think that this kind of behaviour is normal, you'll end up with 3 people doing this shit and then their partners will be living like you are now. First time he shot his snot on the floor or wiped it on the walls I'd have been off

sadie9 · 12/08/2021 18:19

I'm speechless too. You have set the bar very low for yourself.
He must be good in the sack. But probably wipes his dick on the curtains afterwards.

Sandalsintherain · 12/08/2021 18:19

I wish you were joking but I have a feeling you are not. If you are then more the fool I am because I can sadly relate. I'm in the process of leaving.

Chikapu · 12/08/2021 18:20

Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good?

Yes because every time he came near me I'd want to throw up, wiping up his snot and scrubbing his shit is stomach-turning.

RandomMess · 12/08/2021 18:21

Yes I would end it. How could you ever have sex with someone whose hygiene is so repugnant. The DC will learn it's ok to behave like that 🤮

AuntLydiasNewHairdo · 12/08/2021 18:21

I would absolutely end any relationship over this. I wouldn't be able to stomach his "affection".

MacmillanMO · 12/08/2021 18:21

When I read about the sofa and the shit, I was trying to think of ways to mitigate the problems.

But snot on the FLOORS and WALLS? Dear Jesus, no.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 12/08/2021 18:22

@Thesmellofsunshine

Wasn’t expecting so many replies.. just a rant really Grin. Thank you. It helps to know you all feel the same about this kind of stuff. Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good? He’s v affectionate and loves me and the kids well. It’s just the pure disgust at his habits I can’t cope with. I just keep imagining a life where it’s just me and the kids and I only have to do small normal bits of housework every day
The bit that jumps out at me is you say he's v affectionate and good with the kids. If he's a genuinely good man, have you tried sitting him down and explaining to him what he's saying to you with his actions? When he leaves shit in the toilet or snot on surfaces, when he doesn't leave the sofa ready for you to sit on, he's basically saying either "Sunshine will sort this, I can't be arsed", or "I don't care enough about Sunshine to clean up after myself". Neither are good things, and I'd be telling him you're on your final straw before leaving him.
Aquamarine1029 · 12/08/2021 18:22

Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good?

For FUCK'S SAKE nothing about your relationship is good. You are deluding yourself. No decent man would ever subject his partner to this shit. He doesn't give a fuck about your feelings.

Wimowehwimowehwimowehwimoweh · 12/08/2021 18:24

Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good?

I would absolutely end a relationship where the person I was with had so little respect for me, and our home, that he blew snot out of his nose on to the floor.
Pure filth. I couldn’t think anything good about this person 🤢

putthebinsout · 12/08/2021 18:25

I've lived with 4 men in my life. Various degrees of arsehole. One was a cheat, one was violent, one was just plain boring and one was messy and inconsiderate.

Not one of them did the disgusting things you're speaking of.

It's not normal, it's revolting and I'd go as far as to say it's abusive to make you live like that.

How in god's name do you manage to get turned on enough to have sex with this absolute troll?!

HmmmmmmInteresting · 12/08/2021 18:25

@tiredofthisshit21

This can't be for real. I get that some men are this disgusting, but what kind of doormat puts up with it?
Yeah, I was wondering whether OP jumped the shark with the snot thing. But what if it's true? Confused
IncessantNameChanger · 12/08/2021 18:26

There is no way on earth I could have seen past past the snot thing while dating.

A 17 year old apprentice at work snorted up his snot and it was all I could do to not smash his head in with my laptop. Sit next to a snorter is puke inducing but kissing it or shagging it? Fuck no.

Every time I hear someone snort I want to puke it so so vile.

Leave your sanitary products slapped on the bathroom floor and join him? Wipe your arse on his face cloth? Clean the loo with his toothbrush?

Personally he wouldn't have got the end of the first date with me. Minging

Kittykat93 · 12/08/2021 18:26

I have a question- why are you scrubbing his dried shit off the toilet? Why are you cleaning his disgusting snot and bogies off the walls and floors? Every single time he does this go out and tell him to clean his vile mess up himself.

Although tbh I'd just walk. He sounds absolutely rank.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 12/08/2021 18:26

Actually I remember my ds putting snot on the walls and doors but he was about 5yo.

boomchikawowwow · 12/08/2021 18:27

I opened this thread expecting it to be something along the lines of he leaves his dirty clothes on the bedroom floor, wet towels on the floor, copious amounts of kitchen roll screwed up in random places all of which my partner does.

He is utterly vile, animals have better standards than him. I couldn't cope with the what you are and I would have to ask him to leave. He's treating you like a skivvy, you need to stop doing all his cleaning up after him and either give the ultimatum that he cleans up his own shit- literally or he goes.

Allthesefolks · 12/08/2021 18:29

How can you have sex (at least twice) with a man who blows snot on the FLOOR? Envy

putthebinsout · 12/08/2021 18:29

@Thesmellofsunshine

Wasn’t expecting so many replies.. just a rant really Grin. Thank you. It helps to know you all feel the same about this kind of stuff. Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good? He’s v affectionate and loves me and the kids well. It’s just the pure disgust at his habits I can’t cope with. I just keep imagining a life where it’s just me and the kids and I only have to do small normal bits of housework every day
He's affectionate? You let him put the snot hands on you?
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