To be fed up with how utterly messy (and gross) DH is

[Thesmellofsunshine]

I am genuinely considering asking him to move out because I just cannot take anymore...
I clean up more after DH than I do 2 toddlers. And not “normal” tidying up either
We have a sofa which generally looks nice if not being slept on every night by a 17 stone man who is too lazy to walk to bed. And when not having food dropped al over it by a mid thirties man whilst the children eat at the table. Every single morning I have to come down and twist the cushion covers back around from him being slumped on it and reshape them.
I also regularly find he has wiped his snot on things like walls, doors, the side of the sofa, under the table etc. Occasionally he will just blow his snot onto the floor for me to step in on my way past.
Similar to a lot of men he often spends a long time shitting in the toilet. Then leaves it for me to clean.

It’s the fact that I’m pretty much spending my life sorting out part of the sofa that I have repeatedly asked him not to sleep on as he is slowly destroying it, part of the sofa that only he sits on (the comfiest bit, the chaise bit on the corner).

The fact that I’m cleaning bogies off of my home when my children dont even do that.

The fact that I’m cleaning poo that’s not mine and often don’t see it until it’s dried so I have to scrub it, whereas I’ve explained to him that if he throws a bit of bleach down the toilet and shuts the lid it will likely slide off.

Very fed up and feeling like my otherwise good relationship is failing because of this disgusting man.

Yes, he has always been like this but I guess I have run out of breath in telling him not to do these things

I heard it hit the bottom of the sink. Now he’s asking why I’ve thrown my dinner away.
I assume you told him the truth?

If it was me I would be incredibly clear that X Y Z were complete deal breakers. And if he didn’t step up after that he’d be out.

Sometimes on here someone posts about bad habits of their OH and there are a lot of "Oh my god, that's gross!" replies and I roll my eyes a little and think that some people need to get a grip of themselves. This one though? My mouth literally dropped open. I literally said "Oh my god!" out loud and I honestly cannot imagine wanting to live with a man who was so utterly fucking gross, disrespectful and disgusting.

I'm lazy. Really pretty bloody lazy. Well, I suffer from clinical depression and I punish myself by letting things fall into states of disarray. This is beyond anything I could ever imagine doing to myself let alone someone else. I would kick him out. His affection counts for sweet FA if he can't and won't respect you enough to clean the fuck up after himself and wash himself more.

I have no idea how you bring yourself to shag him.

You deserve better.

In the nicest possible way, what is wrong with you that you accept this in your relationship?
If someone came round and wiped snot on your walls, would you allow it or call them a pig and tell them to clean it up?

You and your children deserve to live in a clean, HYGIENIC home, where people respect you and their surroundings enough to not leave it disgusting!

Oh God has he really no idea how disgusting he is being?? I would literally not be able to stomach it.

Have some self respect and leave him. This is the most disgusting thing I've ever read and every time you post it gets worse. Absolutely revolting.

What did you say to him about your dinner?

For goodness sake that's utterly disgusting.

Snot in the place you wash dishes....snot on door frames etc

Frankly I'd have thrown my dinner at him - plate and all.

All I'm left wondering is do you have a patio....

He sounds grim, OP. Does he actually do anything at all? Does he help you with the kids etc? If not, I'd genuinely consider binning him. What a grim bastard. Sorry.

Occasionally he will just blow his snot onto the floor for me to step in on my way past.

I have read some grim stuff on here, but this is just absolutely fucking disgusting. I would rather be single for the rest of m,y life than be openly disrespected like that.

Demand more for yourself.

I wouldn’t feel my relationship was “otherwise good” if DP did even half of this stuff. I can’t believe what I’m reading and it’s only because you seem articulate and sensible (apart from the obvious part where you haven’t RUN AWAY from this horrendous man) that I’m not assuming you’re the snot troll.

Actually rocking back and forth thinking about living like this. It’s not normal.

@blueghost

In the nicest possible way, what is wrong with you that you accept this in your relationship? If someone came round and wiped snot on your walls, would you allow it or call them a pig and tell them to clean it up?

You and your children deserve to live in a clean, HYGIENIC home, where people respect you and their surroundings enough to not leave it disgusting!

This.

If a workman cam to you house and did that - would you ever have them back?

If a healthcare worker visited and behaved like this - would you let it go or complain to their manager?

If a friend of your DC did this on a play date - would you let it go or tell them off?

I would absolutely end a relationship over this.
Total lack of respect for you, your home, himself.

Vile.

🤢🤢🤢🤢

Just revolting. No words.

This can't be real surely? What sort of human does snot rockets all over the floor for his family to walk in 🤷🏼‍♀️

Grim

I would give him an ultimatum, @Thesmellofsunshine - he cleans up his act permanently or the marriage is over. And I would stress how disgusting habits like his will NOT make him appealing to a new woman.

Genuinely why is your bar so low?
When he did something like this the first time why did you not say anything?
Why is he sleeping on the sofa when you’re meant to be in love?

I feel that a lot of people think just because their partners aren’t physically abusive then they should put up with it because ‘they could do a lot worse’
Honestly this relationship is over.
Save yourself some time and finish it officially.

I can't believe this is real, my brain won't accept that other adults would be this revolting!

Completely speechless you'd put up with this pig sty of a man. Disgusting. He has no respect for you or the home or even his children. Tell the fucker to move out!!

Is this a joke?

OP: does your H hold down a job? Does he behave like this there?
In front of his friends / his family of origin etc
I understand people 'relax' in their own homes but I think it's a good Qu as, For me, that was the thing I considered re my exH.
I'd wondered about clinical depression. I'd wondered if he was undiagnosed ASD (my kids both are so its very possible exH is)
but... he can behave better around other people. He does. All the time - It's just me he couldn't be arsed to behave properly around.
That isn't okay. It's hugely disrespectful.

And yes, I would end a relationship over this. Its totally unreasonable behaviour

Yes, I would end relationship, but there's no way I'd be thinking relationship was otherwise OK - I would despise him by now. If you still love him, you need to lay it on the line, and follow through with threats if no changes result.

I have no words for this. Just vomit . And gtfo to him. And fuck if it is 'otherwise good'. He is not messy he is fucking disrespectful and can't even own it.