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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with how utterly messy (and gross) DH is

198 replies

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 17:43

I am genuinely considering asking him to move out because I just cannot take anymore...
I clean up more after DH than I do 2 toddlers. And not “normal” tidying up either
We have a sofa which generally looks nice if not being slept on every night by a 17 stone man who is too lazy to walk to bed. And when not having food dropped al over it by a mid thirties man whilst the children eat at the table. Every single morning I have to come down and twist the cushion covers back around from him being slumped on it and reshape them.
I also regularly find he has wiped his snot on things like walls, doors, the side of the sofa, under the table etc. Occasionally he will just blow his snot onto the floor for me to step in on my way past.
Similar to a lot of men he often spends a long time shitting in the toilet. Then leaves it for me to clean.

It’s the fact that I’m pretty much spending my life sorting out part of the sofa that I have repeatedly asked him not to sleep on as he is slowly destroying it, part of the sofa that only he sits on (the comfiest bit, the chaise bit on the corner).

The fact that I’m cleaning bogies off of my home when my children dont even do that.

The fact that I’m cleaning poo that’s not mine and often don’t see it until it’s dried so I have to scrub it, whereas I’ve explained to him that if he throws a bit of bleach down the toilet and shuts the lid it will likely slide off.

Very fed up and feeling like my otherwise good relationship is failing because of this disgusting man.

Yes, he has always been like this but I guess I have run out of breath in telling him not to do these things

OP posts:
PizzaRegina · 12/08/2021 19:19
Hmm
FirstTimeMommy2021 · 12/08/2021 19:20

My DH messes the sofa cushions and sofa throws EVERY night drives me crazy. He also throws his dirty laundry on the floor NEXT TO THE WASH BASKET! And I often find socks/pants down his side of the bed when I've just put a wash load in..... I think this is common in men.
BUT He doesn't snot on the floor, that is just disrespectful and uncalled for. Dirty pig

putthebinsout · 12/08/2021 19:21

I can't even think of a tv character that's been this disgusting... I'm thinking of Jim in Royal Family, Onslow in Keeping up Appearances (showing my age here). They were both written to be the epitome of gross middle aged man/dad types and neither would ever do the things your DH does

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 12/08/2021 19:23

He blew snot into the sink while you were eating??? Yeah, I tried to be kind with my earlier post but this is beyond.

gurglebelly · 12/08/2021 19:23

No YANBU, that is fucking disgusting behaviour. And yes I would end a relationship over that, I couldn't dredge up even the slightest bit of attraction to Wayne Slob especially when he casually expects me to clean up his random secretions without complaint 🤢 That is a level of disrespect for me, our children and our home that I would not tolerate

RadandMad · 12/08/2021 19:23

Why the fuck do you stay with this man pig? Kick him out!

FlorenceNightshade · 12/08/2021 19:24

@putthebinsout Wayne Slob jumped into my mind

WineInTheBlood · 12/08/2021 19:26

🤢 The snot stuff would have me filing for divorce. What did you say when he asked why you were throwing your dinner away?

Beeshome · 12/08/2021 19:27

This is really bad.

Dropping crumbs on the sofa occasionally I could put up with if he did his share of hoovering, the shit thing, dh did this a few times, I told him, he doesn't do it anymore.

But the snot? I can't believe an adult could do this.

TheAverageUser · 12/08/2021 19:28

I can't believe what I've read 🤢

I think this is so awful, you can't be expected to live like that. I'd give ultimatums here, I wouldn't normally but omg that's so gross.

HighlandCowbag · 12/08/2021 19:28

That is fucking gross OP. I'd kick anyone who did stuff like this so hard up the arse they wouldn't sit down for a week. It's fucking disgusting. Shame the cunt on fb. Then ltb.

Vaselike · 12/08/2021 19:28

Get some self respect and leave him!

Letthelightoflove · 12/08/2021 19:30

It doesn’t matter what he says OP - you know what he is doing and you know he doesn’t care how you feel about it and you know he won’t change.

emlouwat · 12/08/2021 19:30

This has to be a wind up wtf

StuffLikeThat · 12/08/2021 19:30

nothankyou

putthebinsout · 12/08/2021 19:30

[quote FlorenceNightshade]@putthebinsout Wayne Slob jumped into my mind[/quote]
Yes! The most odious character on tv. Dont think he was quite this bad though!

flossletsfloss · 12/08/2021 19:31

WTF??? I truly can't believe a grown man acts like this?

Disneycharacter · 12/08/2021 19:32

You have no choice. Imagine this when he is 60. If he's always been like this he will always be like this. He sounds a fat disgusting slob. I couldn't even bear someone like that in the same room as me. DH is lazy and leave a trail of crumbs but even he wouldn't snot like that. It's vomit inducing. Awful example to the kids.

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 19:32

Yes when he asked why I wasn’t eating I said I feel sick at listening to the snot leave your nose - he just said “oh ok sorry I didn’t realise” but I was sat in the same room ffs.
Just had the conversation with him, didn’t offer any ultimatums tbh because I don’t think I will ever not be disgusted even if he stops - I just said I couldn’t cope anymore with living like this. I’m an extremely clean and tidy person, my house and my kids are pristine at all times - then this. I am grossed out but it’s not that that bothers me - it’s the disrespect of basically thinking “it’s ok sunshine will clean it up”. He had nothing to say really, just went quiet for a bit then said “it’s just because I’ve had a cold recently, I can’t believe you want me to move out because of a few bogies” Hmm

So I’ve pointed out that you can’t have a cold for this many years and it still doesn’t explain everything else and please could you make arrangements. He hasn’t said anything more so will start pestering him in a couple of days or so

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 12/08/2021 19:33

Would I end a relationship over this? Absolutely I would. he isn't loving, if he loved you he'd show you far more respect. Sorry OP, you deserve far better.

RampantIvy · 12/08/2021 19:34

Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good?

Yes, because the disgusting habits cancel out any good points.

What is wrong with him? Why does he think it is OK to behave like this? Why is he so completely lacking in social awareness?

I couldn't bear anyone so disgusting anywhere near me TBH.

mathanxiety · 12/08/2021 19:35

Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good? He’s v affectionate and loves me and the kids well.

What precisely do you mean by 'very affectionate'?

I would wonder about undiagnosed depression, but if he isn't like this around his mates at work then he is just massively disrespectful, and no amount of affection would cancel that out.

Seeleyboo · 12/08/2021 19:36

Think you're married to my ex husband. He would sneeze snot on this hand then eat it. I asked him to shower but he said he was a viking and Vikings don't shower Confused

mathanxiety · 12/08/2021 19:36

Just read your update.

Flowers.

Ask him if he behaves like this around his mates.

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 19:37

He said doesn’t understand why I can click my fingers and he just have to move out. He should be able to live in peace etc. Then he says fuck if I will move out in a couple of weeks but don’t be asking for me back Smile

Now he’s having a go at DD for leaving her dollies everywhere Hmm

OP posts: