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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with how utterly messy (and gross) DH is

198 replies

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 17:43

I am genuinely considering asking him to move out because I just cannot take anymore...
I clean up more after DH than I do 2 toddlers. And not “normal” tidying up either
We have a sofa which generally looks nice if not being slept on every night by a 17 stone man who is too lazy to walk to bed. And when not having food dropped al over it by a mid thirties man whilst the children eat at the table. Every single morning I have to come down and twist the cushion covers back around from him being slumped on it and reshape them.
I also regularly find he has wiped his snot on things like walls, doors, the side of the sofa, under the table etc. Occasionally he will just blow his snot onto the floor for me to step in on my way past.
Similar to a lot of men he often spends a long time shitting in the toilet. Then leaves it for me to clean.

It’s the fact that I’m pretty much spending my life sorting out part of the sofa that I have repeatedly asked him not to sleep on as he is slowly destroying it, part of the sofa that only he sits on (the comfiest bit, the chaise bit on the corner).

The fact that I’m cleaning bogies off of my home when my children dont even do that.

The fact that I’m cleaning poo that’s not mine and often don’t see it until it’s dried so I have to scrub it, whereas I’ve explained to him that if he throws a bit of bleach down the toilet and shuts the lid it will likely slide off.

Very fed up and feeling like my otherwise good relationship is failing because of this disgusting man.

Yes, he has always been like this but I guess I have run out of breath in telling him not to do these things

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 12/08/2021 17:55

Oh good and you had sex with him? 🤮

QueenLagertha · 12/08/2021 17:55

Reading this while eating my dinner. Has put me off it. Vomit. I couldn't live with someone like that. Do you still have sex with this creature?

millenialblush · 12/08/2021 17:55

God do you have sex with this man?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/08/2021 17:55

I'm sorry, op, but do you have no self-respect at all? Are you standards really this nonexistent? If what you say is true, I am in shock. How can you allow your children to be raised around this?

OaxacaChihuahua · 12/08/2021 17:56

Christ. No, yanbu - bin the disgusting bastard.

Unanananana · 12/08/2021 17:56

What on earth do you see in him? I hope you don't have sex with this pig!? How can you bear to live with someone so abhorrent?!

Your children will learn that that is the way to treat your home and YOU. Is that what you want them to learn? Are you not worth more than that?

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 12/08/2021 17:57

How, HOW can you say this is a good relationship?? How is your bar so effing low?

Doorhandleghost · 12/08/2021 17:59

Are you going to tell us he’s lovely in every other way, in usual mumsnet style?

He’s not just disgusting, he’s disrespectful. Snotting for you to step in? Leaving his shit for you to clean up? This man has a very low opinion of you.

Angryfrommanchester1 · 12/08/2021 18:01

I also regularly find he has wiped his snot on things like walls, doors, the side of the sofa, under the table etc. Occasionally he will just blow his snot onto the floor for me to step in on my way past.

This alone is enough for you to LTB

Wombat64 · 12/08/2021 18:01

Just asked my DH of 25 years if he would leave shit for me to clean up...nope...he looked horrified.

Keepitonthedownlow · 12/08/2021 18:01

Foul, how can you live with this person???

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 18:01

@UndeadSlut this is exactly how I feel. I’m due a career change at the end of this year. I am genuinely feeling to move house and burn the sofa. It absolutely stinks! And along the back where he puts his head is black (sofa is cream) as he is a manual worker and doesn’t shower as soon as he gets home.

OP posts:
Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 18:03

Wasn’t expecting so many replies.. just a rant really Grin. Thank you. It helps to know you all feel the same about this kind of stuff. Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good? He’s v affectionate and loves me and the kids well. It’s just the pure disgust at his habits I can’t cope with. I just keep imagining a life where it’s just me and the kids and I only have to do small normal bits of housework every day

OP posts:
CagneyNYPD · 12/08/2021 18:04

His behaviour would turn my stomach. Vile.

TheVanguardSix · 12/08/2021 18:05

God almighty, OP. Flowers
Happy house hunting (you WILL do this ASAP!) and here’s your ‘nope’ card.

To be fed up with how utterly messy (and gross) DH is
Choice4567 · 12/08/2021 18:05

I couldn’t imagine being intimate with someone so gross. How can you let his filthy self touch you?

Takenoprisoner · 12/08/2021 18:06

How do you bring yourself to kiss, or worse, sleep with him?

FreeSpirits · 12/08/2021 18:06

I'd definitely leave! How can you stand him to be any where near you affectionately when's he's just snotted on the floor 🤮

Unanananana · 12/08/2021 18:06

Why would you want affection from someone who doesn't wash and blows snot all over your house?

You know his behaviour is far from normal, right? He needs to move back to his cave the fuck out.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 12/08/2021 18:07

How can you have sex with someone who does that?!Shock

Feelingfrustrated990 · 12/08/2021 18:07

It would def be over in my eyes that's revolting

TheGumption · 12/08/2021 18:07

Ohmygod reading that actually made me gag. Fucking hell.
I honestly don't understand how you are with this person and I wouldn't actually want him around my kids either. He sounds fucking rancid.

TheVanguardSix · 12/08/2021 18:07

And your train ticket…

To be fed up with how utterly messy (and gross) DH is
FlorenceNightshade · 12/08/2021 18:08

@Thesmellofsunshine it’s absolutely reasonable to end a relationship over this! It’s not just a lack of hygiene but of respect.
Talk to him tonight about this. It’s not trivial it’s threatening your relationship and he needs to take it seriously

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 12/08/2021 18:08

The shit thing would be the final straw for me. No fucking way could I live like that