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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with how utterly messy (and gross) DH is

198 replies

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 17:43

I am genuinely considering asking him to move out because I just cannot take anymore...
I clean up more after DH than I do 2 toddlers. And not “normal” tidying up either
We have a sofa which generally looks nice if not being slept on every night by a 17 stone man who is too lazy to walk to bed. And when not having food dropped al over it by a mid thirties man whilst the children eat at the table. Every single morning I have to come down and twist the cushion covers back around from him being slumped on it and reshape them.
I also regularly find he has wiped his snot on things like walls, doors, the side of the sofa, under the table etc. Occasionally he will just blow his snot onto the floor for me to step in on my way past.
Similar to a lot of men he often spends a long time shitting in the toilet. Then leaves it for me to clean.

It’s the fact that I’m pretty much spending my life sorting out part of the sofa that I have repeatedly asked him not to sleep on as he is slowly destroying it, part of the sofa that only he sits on (the comfiest bit, the chaise bit on the corner).

The fact that I’m cleaning bogies off of my home when my children dont even do that.

The fact that I’m cleaning poo that’s not mine and often don’t see it until it’s dried so I have to scrub it, whereas I’ve explained to him that if he throws a bit of bleach down the toilet and shuts the lid it will likely slide off.

Very fed up and feeling like my otherwise good relationship is failing because of this disgusting man.

Yes, he has always been like this but I guess I have run out of breath in telling him not to do these things

OP posts:
Jammysod · 12/08/2021 18:31

I could live with messy sofa cushions...but the snot on the floor & walls, plus toilet situation would be a deal breaker. It's just vile and teaching your kids that it's OK to do!

godmum56 · 12/08/2021 18:31

"otherwise good relationship" WT actual F
and never mind having kids with him, why did you even date him?

ChikiTIKI · 12/08/2021 18:32

It might be worth having a serious chat and pointing out that he is actually being disgusting and it makes you feel disgusted...

I would point out that you might be getting along OK right now but if something else crops up in your marriage that really tests your relationship (health problems, bereavement, unemployment, whatever.. ), then the fact that he disgusts you might make everything else harder to face and could put your marriage at risk of not working out.

putthebinsout · 12/08/2021 18:32

I think he needs to be shown this thread

youshallnotpass9 · 12/08/2021 18:33

@Thesmellofsunshine

Wasn’t expecting so many replies.. just a rant really Grin. Thank you. It helps to know you all feel the same about this kind of stuff. Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good? He’s v affectionate and loves me and the kids well. It’s just the pure disgust at his habits I can’t cope with. I just keep imagining a life where it’s just me and the kids and I only have to do small normal bits of housework every day
Yes I would, although after having thrown up with the whole snot thing
MonkeyPuddle · 12/08/2021 18:33

Sweet holy fuck that is disgusting. I thought you was going to say he can’t be arsed putting his pants in the wash basket.

What does he say when you bring it up?!?

Batshittery · 12/08/2021 18:33

@Wombat64

Just asked my DH of 25 years if he would leave shit for me to clean up...nope...he looked horrified.
After 25 years surely you'd know?

Unless you live in a pig sty OP, I cannot believe that anyone would blow snot directly onto the floor. Get rid of the filthy pig.

aConcernedPrude · 12/08/2021 18:37

You need to get shot of this filthy cunt ASAP.

Utterly repulsive.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 12/08/2021 18:39

@Thesmellofsunshine

Wasn’t expecting so many replies.. just a rant really Grin. Thank you. It helps to know you all feel the same about this kind of stuff. Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good? He’s v affectionate and loves me and the kids well. It’s just the pure disgust at his habits I can’t cope with. I just keep imagining a life where it’s just me and the kids and I only have to do small normal bits of housework every day
Yes. 100% would leave this man. No question.
PuntasticUsername · 12/08/2021 18:40

It's not a good relationship. He doesn't respect you (and nor does he have a single shred of personal shame), if he expects you to clean up after him like a toddler. I couldn't live like that.

dottypencilcase · 12/08/2021 18:41

You let this oaf kiss and have sex with you?! Why?! Kick him out. I couldn't live with him.

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 18:42

Literally as I’m reading through replies I’m eating my dinner and he’s gone past me, put a finger on one nostril and blown into the sink. I heard it hit the bottom of the sink. Now he’s asking why I’ve thrown my dinner away. I think I’ve just got a lot of built up resent to him tbh. I keep thinking I’ve saved enough and would love to buy a lovely new sofa but what’s the bloody point because in a few weeks time it will be out of shape, stained and slept on again anyway

OP posts:
MummyDummyNow · 12/08/2021 18:42

Sorry OP but I honestly can't believe a grown adult would behave like that. Actually I don't know any children who would be behave like that, it's utterly disgusting. Does he honestly think it's ok to wipe snot on the walls and blow it on the floor?
You deserve so much better than this, your children deserve better than this. Do you realise they will grow up thinking this is normal behaviour?

FlorenceNightshade · 12/08/2021 18:43

@Thesmellofsunshine is his car/work van a state? I had a friend who’s partner was a total slob at home but his car was pristine. When he wouldn’t apply the same pride to their home she gave him an ultimatum. He did sort himself out in the end

UnGoogled · 12/08/2021 18:43

I feel sick reading this. Kick him out, or leave yourself and move into a pristine home he can't cover in snot and shit.

FlorenceNightshade · 12/08/2021 18:44

@Thesmellofsunshine tell him why you threw it away!!! That is the perfect way to illustrate the effect his revolting behaviour has on you

Topseyt · 12/08/2021 18:46

What!!?? He blows snot over walls and floors, leaves the toilet plastered in shit and doesn't shower to the extent that the sofa stinks and is starting to turn black!!

He sounds worse than a toddler and I would absolutely end a relationship over this. These are not trivial points. They are major and signify total disrespect.

I'd be telling him he'd better shape up fast. Immediately.

BumBurnerBum · 12/08/2021 18:48

My semi-feral 6 year old, who i sometimes think is a changeling the goblins left for me wouldn't do that...

Surprisedpikachu · 12/08/2021 18:49

@Thesmellofsunshine

Wasn’t expecting so many replies.. just a rant really Grin. Thank you. It helps to know you all feel the same about this kind of stuff. Would any of you actually end a relationship over this if it was otherwise good? He’s v affectionate and loves me and the kids well. It’s just the pure disgust at his habits I can’t cope with. I just keep imagining a life where it’s just me and the kids and I only have to do small normal bits of housework every day
I couldn’t live with someone that blew literal snot into the sink and wiped bogeys everywhere. Why can’t he clean the toilet after himself? Like pp have said, it’s about respect. If it matters to you that he showers before lying on the sofa as he leaves grime on it, or blows snot everywhere instead of using a tissue, he should do that - it’s hardly an unreasonable request and what most grown adult human beings manage to do
Topseyt · 12/08/2021 18:50

@Thesmellofsunshine

Literally as I’m reading through replies I’m eating my dinner and he’s gone past me, put a finger on one nostril and blown into the sink. I heard it hit the bottom of the sink. Now he’s asking why I’ve thrown my dinner away. I think I’ve just got a lot of built up resent to him tbh. I keep thinking I’ve saved enough and would love to buy a lovely new sofa but what’s the bloody point because in a few weeks time it will be out of shape, stained and slept on again anyway
I bet you he also left it in the sink for you to clear out.

Why not tell him that you binned your dinner because of his disgusting slob behaviour?

BreatheAndFocus · 12/08/2021 18:50

Absolutely revolting! 🤮 🤮 🤮
I’d definitely leave him for all that. It’ll destroy you after a while - the gross sofa, the snot, the shit. Yuk yuk yuk 🤮 I actually feel quite ill now.

toocold54 · 12/08/2021 18:52

I also regularly find he has wiped his snot on things like walls, doors, the side of the sofa, under the table etc. Occasionally he will just blow his snot onto the floor for me to step in on my way past.
Similar to a lot of men he often spends a long time shitting in the toilet. Then leaves it for me to clean.

Please tell me this is a joke thread!!
Why are you allowing this!! I wouldn’t let a child do this let alone a grown man!

He literally has no respect for you or your children. There is no coming back from this. Tell him you want him to move out by the end of next week. End of.

Thesmellofsunshine · 12/08/2021 18:52

@Noshowwithoutpunch he either denies it or blames it on the kids. Even though I’ve literally witnessed him doing it, the kids don’t really get a lot of snot and the one on the door today was right at the top so no way they’d reach it

OP posts:
Icequeen01 · 12/08/2021 18:53

I actually think this is one of the most disgusting things I have ever read on MN. Do you challenge him when he does this? I would not be able to be in the same room as a man that would do that. There are no,excuses for this type of behaviour. Have my very first LTB!

LynnInAVan · 12/08/2021 18:57

Wow…. Think how you could be living

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