Not to bring a wedding gift?

[HmAndAh]

I am invited to a wedding blessing ceremony by a friend. The actual (church) wedding was two months ago and was "family only". I sent a card on that occasion.

The current wedding blessing is badly organised: e.g., church and the venue (golf club) are 20 miles between them, and no transport is provided. No public transport either, so taxi. It is south of England.
I am travelling from the North, so need two nights in the hotel. Which is logistic nightmare: no hotels next to the church, no hotels at the golf club.
So expensive taxis adding to the train fair. It was already pretty annoying.

Then the email came asking for "cash or cheque to celebrate the wedding", not even mentioning whether it is a honeymoon or whatever. The couple is professionals in their early 40-s, it's their first "wedding".

I am unreasonable just to bring a card? I am really annoyed that I would have to spend that much money on taxis around because of their lack of thought and organisation.

YANBU you will have forked out enough

Yanbu. Gifts shouldn't be expected by the wedding party. Considering how much you will be forking out to stay there, not just in money but time and effort. Thats more than enough.

I wouldn’t even go.

I would never turn up empty handed, it’s just rude. Would you go to a friends birthday party without a gift? Would you go to dinner somewhere without something for the host? It’s just rude to go empty handed. Doesn’t need to be expensive but absolutely a gesture

I think I would feel awkward just to handle the empty "wedding blessing" card, but then I would be so annoyed to put 30-50 quid when they clearly haven't thought about the comfort of their guests!

@JayAlfredPrufrock

I wouldn’t even go.

Literally exactly what I was going to say!

@Travielkapelka

I would never turn up empty handed, it’s just rude. Would you go to a friends birthday party without a gift? Would you go to dinner somewhere without something for the host? It’s just rude to go empty handed. Doesn’t need to be expensive but absolutely a gesture

A fair number of people came to my wedding with no gift. I didn’t think it was rude.

I regret accepting the invitation tbh.

@Travielkapelka
What would you give if they asked for "no gifts"? Tenner in a card also does seem inappropriate.

I would never go to a wedding without bringing a gift. It is incredibly rude.

You don't sound like you want to go.

Correct, I don't want to go.
But not going (coming with the excuse) would mean the end of the friendship.

It sounds like you just shouldn't go?

Can’t you ask them if there is anyone who can give you a lift ?

Yes OP sounds like a total faff. I wouldn't have agreed to go.

However, Incredibly rude not to give a gift or money whether you attend or not

Make an excuse. Blame COVID-19. It sounds like a money grab, so I’d just send a card.

I am just annoyed at how badly it is organised with the expectation of everyone either drive (and not drink) or pay £50+ in taxis.

Would ending the friendship be so wrong? They have no class about guests comfort and enjoyment. They didn't want to spring for a proper do yet somehow are having this show and asking for money.

I wouldn't even bother what a waste of time and money

Very rude of them to not consider their guests whatsoever. I'm also the first person to defend couples asking for money as gifts, but just saying cash or cheque please is the grabbiest thing I've ever heard.

@Travielkapelka

I would never turn up empty handed, it’s just rude. Would you go to a friends birthday party without a gift? Would you go to dinner somewhere without something for the host? It’s just rude to go empty handed. Doesn’t need to be expensive but absolutely a gesture

But you rarely go to a dinner or party which involves as much expense as this OP will incur just to be there.

I'd find it hard to go to a wedding empty handed but equally I wouldn't be offended by no gift from someone I knew had incurred a lot of expense to come to my wedding.

I would take a card and bottle of something as I do feel awkward arriving empty handed. However I wouldn't be splashing out on anything fancy and definitely wouldn't be giving cash or a cheque!

@CareBear50 What is the minimum sum in this situation?

Don't go, you don't sound like you want to.

Well the excuse is incredibly easy

You tested positive for Covid the day before

But remember to cancel the hotels so you get a refund

Now you've got £100 to send them in a card 👍🏻

Pretend to have covid

I am terrible at lying though considering it... Better than childcare emergency or "husband has to be away" stuff