Not to bring a wedding gift?

[HmAndAh]

I am invited to a wedding blessing ceremony by a friend. The actual (church) wedding was two months ago and was "family only". I sent a card on that occasion.

The current wedding blessing is badly organised: e.g., church and the venue (golf club) are 20 miles between them, and no transport is provided. No public transport either, so taxi. It is south of England.
I am travelling from the North, so need two nights in the hotel. Which is logistic nightmare: no hotels next to the church, no hotels at the golf club.
So expensive taxis adding to the train fair. It was already pretty annoying.

Then the email came asking for "cash or cheque to celebrate the wedding", not even mentioning whether it is a honeymoon or whatever. The couple is professionals in their early 40-s, it's their first "wedding".

I am unreasonable just to bring a card? I am really annoyed that I would have to spend that much money on taxis around because of their lack of thought and organisation.

I wouldn’t go, why can’t you say you can no longer come

Your choice is whether or not to attend. If you choose to attend you take a gift, even if it is of small value. If you don’t go you don’t need to acknowledge anything more than the card already sent.

I think it's fine for you to decide not to go, and I can't bear such "requests" for cash or cheque.

However it's pretty normal to have ceremony and reception a reasonable distance apart with at least one of them not reachable by public transport. I don't think they have been unusually thoughtless in the planning, it's just weddings can be a PITA if you don't drive.

I feel bad for lying

How are the bride and groom getting.between the venues? Surely they must be assuming everyone is driving? Have you spoken to them at all, is there no ones car you can jump in?

Oh come on. They don't feel bad. You are the only one feeling bad and out of pocket. They get to be tight arses and get your money.

I am also quite sceptical that the wedding blessing will, be like the wedding: the same white dress, flowers etc with only two months apart from the actual wedding

@Morph2lcfc they are hiring a fancy car

I do wonder if they have made it intentionally awkward to attend, making sending money instead sound like a preferable option.

It sounds like a cash grab, not a celebration for friends to join them in.c

I'd just send a cheque in a card but make it much less than the taxi fares and hotel stay.

Or just not bother with such money grabbers any longer.

@HmAndAh

Correct, I don't want to go. But not going (coming with the excuse) would mean the end of the friendship.

Is it really a loss? They haven't made any provisions for guests, they don't sound like friends I would want to hang in to tbh..

Don't go @HmAndAh, you clearly don't want to.

Could you say you have to isolate?

Thinking what is ruder: not to attend with the clearly made up excuse or just out £20 in the card?

I'd not go and just give an acceptable excuse dependent on how near you are to the event ie sickness, twisted ankle, family emergency, financial problems (car repair, burst boiler etc) that make hotel stay and travel impossibly expensive at this point - 'have a nice celebration etc etc'

Change transport/hotel arrangements so you arrive on the day, make up an excuse with transport/missing train/puncture that makes you late and miss the boring bit church and just go to the venue/food/party at night.

@Morgoth the friend knows that I WFH and currently my outings are only to the supermarkets, so not that much chance to get "you must isolate" message right on her ceremony day!

Nothing rude about not attending - it's an invite, not a court summons!

Twisted ankle sounds potentially good, thanks @StoneofDestiny

If you don't want to go don't go.
But I wouldn't go without a gift, no matter how big or small.
(I don't always agree with asking for cash)

It wouldn't bother me if you didn't bring a gift but equally I wouldn't do it myself!

It does sound a faff yes. Presumably people will drive to venue A and then drive to B and leave a car there overnight. Which is fine if you're local. Less so if you're getting a train!

Maybe you have a PCR and the (negative) result doesn't arrive in time??

The only concession is if it is a sit down meal I'd tell them you weren't coming.

Time to be an adult. If you go you are choosing to go so can't complain afterwards.

@HmAndAh

Correct, I don't want to go. But not going (coming with the excuse) would mean the end of the friendship.

and the problem with this would be?

I wouldn't even bother keeping in touch again never mind going. People are forking out for childcare, new outfits and transport. They are taking time and expense out of their lives to join you on your special day. That should be more than enough for a bride and groom to be grateful for. Wedding lists are absolutely vile, pay for your own shit you cheeky bastards!

My cousin asked for money, we gave her a board game think chest or chequers.

I voted yanbu, they’re cheeky fuckers for having such a shit thoughtless “wedding” and doubly so for asking for cash. I wouldn’t go. But if you do go, buy a 15 quid bottle of champagne from Aldi or lidl and take that.