So worried and just want to keep the peace 😥

[Beautifulbutterfly22]

I have name changed for this. I have 3 grown up children (2 boys and 1 girl) , they each have their own children..( My grand children) Grown up child number one has 2 children, number 2 has 3 children and number 3 has 1 child.. I love my grand children very much..,I baby sit regularly for all of them, have sleepovers every weekend and buy clothes & toys etc most weeks for my lovely grand children.I also have bank accounts for each grandchildren which I put money in little and often. I also work full time and have an elderly mother who I look after. My daughter in law and son (number 3..1 child) has asked me to look after their little one for 4 days a week.. They said as I don't need the money from working I can quite easily stop working (which I love). No matter what I say to them they are saying I am selfish.. They have started to pull back on visits etc.. I miss my youngest grandchild. I am such a worrier and hate to be put in this position. My son & wife needs care for grandchild as with mortgage etc they are finding things really hard!.. I am so upset but don't think I can commit to all this childcare arrangements

You are absolutely entitled to say no. How dare they expect you to give up your job and your income (whether you need it or not) to provide free childcare for them.

They chose to have a child, they need to organise their own childcare.

They are being completely unreasonable. No one has the right to demand free childcare from their parents. Stick to your boundaries, don't give up your job that you love. Continue to show them love but just keep repeating that their plan doesn't work for you. How do they know you don't need the money? It's none of their business.

They are totally and utterly unreasonable
How are they suggest you give up your job
You sound like a wonderful grandma with lots of grandchildren
How would the others feel if you did this?
I can understand how devastated you are especially if they are withdrawing visits but you cannot and shouldn’t become an unpaid childcarer for them

I had to pay for years of childcare - with a mortgage like millions of others

They are utterly selfish to have put you in this position and suggest if you have a good relationship with your son talk it out with him

YANBU, OP. Please don’t say yes. You have brought up your children and now is the time to enjoy grandchildren not provide childcare!

Sounds like you were doing too much already.

They may strop for a while but they will be back, stay firm and say no! Don’t even say yes I’d they offer to pay you!

No matter what I say to them they are saying I am selfish.

You're not the selfish one, they're essentially blackmailing you.

They said as I don't need the money from working I can quite easily stop working (which I love). No matter what I say to them they are saying I am selfish. how rude!!! How dare they.

Keep saying No.
What do your other children say about them pressuring you like this?

They are being very very very unreasonable.
They are trying to bully you into giving up your job? That is crazy!
If I could afford it, I would contribute to their childcare- nursery or childminder- to give them a hand. If affordable for me, as I said.

What an awful pair! I can't imagine having the brass neck to suggest something like that. Bloody hell. Shameless.

I am enternally grateful to my mum for providing one day a week childcare OP, and I feel that I’d asking a lot of her. 4 days?! Your life would be bringing up another child! That’s a massive ask and hugely unreasonable of them to strop about it.

Cheeky twats.

That's horrible of them. We do see posters who believe their parents should drop everything to care for their kids, that they honestly think they can simply return to work and grow wealthy without the huge childcare bills. I think it's shocking how these people treat their own parents. I paid for my own childcare.

Awful of them to demand you give up work, and horrible that they are restricting visits.

But that is their choice. They'll have to reach into their pockets and pay for childcare like everyone else. We've all got mortgages and bills to pay, but we don't bully our families into unpaid work.

I'm sorry they've done this to you, you sound like a wonderful grandparent :)

Wow, with family like that who needs enemies? They are guilt tripping you and emotionally blackmailing you, please do not give in. Four days a week is a hell of a lot to ask, not to mention giving up your job. Young children are exhausting at the best of times and a permanent arrangement like that is a huge commitment. My parents look after my two dc's one day a week at their request and I feel like I am putting a massive burden on them. They also have elderly parents. Luckily we are very flexible with work and they will both be in school soon so when there is a week they can't look after them then it's no issue - and believe me, between their own health and my grandparents health there have been quite a few weeks recently where they have been unable to help out.

Bloody hell, what a pair!! I feel angry on your behalf OP

@SofaSpuds... My other grown up children are saying to me don't do it! But I am so worried that they will cut back on the time my grand child spends with me my daughter in law is very vocal in the relationship and my son just follows what she says 😥 She hates it when grandchild has said he has had a good time at my house . I love having him but 4 x per week is too much for me

Wow, please don’t feel guilty! You have a job you love. They had their children so need to work out childcare themselves. They are being selfish, not you!

You do what you want not what someone else demands! 4 days a week is a huge commitment! Do your other children know how your son is behaving! I’d be really disappointed in my sibling if they were acting like this with my mum.

Total piss take.

My parents provide childcare x2 days a week for which I am very grateful. However 1. We NEVER asked, they offered. 2. We planned for childcare costs. 3. They’ve been semi-retired for a long time.

If you have up your job would they pay your pension contributions? What happens when child hits 5? You’ll just be dumped for childcare when they go to school?

You already do an awful lot in all honesty.

Utter bastards.

If bowing down to their emotional blackmail means keeping the peace, I think you'll just have to accept that disturbing the peace is their own choice.

[quote Beautifulbutterfly22]@SofaSpuds... My other grown up children are saying to me don't do it! But I am so worried that they will cut back on the time my grand child spends with me my daughter in law is very vocal in the relationship and my son just follows what she says 😥 She hates it when grandchild has said he has had a good time at my house . I love having him but 4 x per week is too much for me [/quote]
That’s why you need to speak to your son …

It’s good your other children are on your side

What a pair of nasty people they are.

[quote Beautifulbutterfly22]@SofaSpuds... My other grown up children are saying to me don't do it! But I am so worried that they will cut back on the time my grand child spends with me my daughter in law is very vocal in the relationship and my son just follows what she says 😥 She hates it when grandchild has said he has had a good time at my house . I love having him but 4 x per week is too much for me [/quote]
Sorry I posted at the same time as you. Please don’t give into their demands, have her parents been asked to give up their job to look after their grandchild?

That's so difficult but no means no. My DM is always asking if she can do more but, for me, my DD is my responsibility and not hers and I don't "expect" anything from her

Also, it’s their look out, if they cut back time because you won’t provide childcare, that’s despicable behaviour.

Weaponising the DC that they are responsible for.