To feel jealous of people with neurotypical children?

[littlesm]

I'm not usually a bitter or jealous person but as my children are growing up I look at families with just neurotypical children (families I know well not just assuming) and can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. Is it just me?

No it’s not just you.

It isn’t just you. And you are likely to get jumped on by a particular type of autistic adult who will tell you that you are rejecting who your children are.

It’s ok to want a life that isn’t restricted by autism, for you and your children. I am autistic as is one of my dc. I expect I would feel that more if my child was more profoundly disabled.

It's normal to feel those pangs for what might/could have been bit the issue is whether its a pang followed by giving your head a shake or whether its a constant feeling that's impacting on your day to day.

It sounds a silly question but are you looking after yourself? It can be all too easy to let your own well-being slide when you're taking care of others.

Yanbu to feel whatever you feel. Hope you have good support around you.

Yanbu

Definitely not being unreasonable

No YANBU. That's not denying the person your child is, but recognising the difficulties having a neuro diverse child can bring.

I have one of each. I love my son who has ASD to pieces, and I wouldn't change him for the worls, but if I could make life easier for him (and by extension us) then I would in a heartbeat. I worry about him as he grows up, what will happen when we're not here to look after him.

BUT, what keeps me grounded is knowing that even people with seemingly "perfect" lives and "easy" children have their own issues. You don't know what goes on in other people's lives, and although most people can see our difficulties, it doesn't mean that others don't have difficulties too, we just perhaps can't always see them.

Not just you.

YANBU.

My 6 yr old is on the spectrum and I often wonder how much easier little things would be if he was NT but it is what it is.

My youngest is 20 months and seems NT so far and parenting him has been a revelation at every small thing he does without us agonising over it and teaching him over and over again.

YANBU, pangs of envy/jealousy are normal and can happen with a lot of things.

It's not just you, I get those pangs of jealousy too

Yanbu

Yanbu.

What I would say is to remember that other family units and children may have issues and challenges that are very difficult for them, but that they have not shared with you.

My DD is very bright and probably comes under the banner of neurotypical, however I am a single parent and ex husband caused many many problems for both of us in our lives and sometimes still does, which neither she nor I tend to talk about.

So really it is not a hardship competition, others may have really serious issues that you are not seeing.

Sometimes I get jealous of people with happy relationships and a partner. But I wouldn't wish things to be different as I love my DD.

I'm one of the "high functioning" autistic adult and I have daily pangs of envy too for NT lives. Of course parents must feel this way too sometimes - everyone wants the best for their kids. And it must feel deeply and painfully unfair that you've ended up having to work so much harder than others around you too.

Op YANBU

@pinkgin85 I have the same age gap and same ASD/NT birth order and feel the same. They are 6 and 10 now, it gets easier (still harder than it would be)

@Vanishun

No, not just you. Even seeing and hearing little things from my friends about what they do with their young children.. It's a bitter pill.
A friend showed a video of her young son at the barbers having his hair cut and it was such a pleasant experience. It brought tears to my eyes.
Compared to my son where every single thing is a screaming battle. Getting my sons hair cut is traumatic.

I know exactly what you mean. Have you read Welcome to Holland it’s a poem very well written. You need to celebrate the little steps.

I did when ds was younger but it isn't a direction of thought that I take these days.

I do wish the world was set up for my child in the way it is for NT children and adults.

Not unreasonable.
My child is NT but has a health condition. Most days I look at other parents and feel jealous. Jealous that they (appear) to have no cares in the world. Sometimes even angry that this happened to my child and they’ll have to live with this condition their whole life.
I even feel sorrow at the life they’ll never have.

I think all of these feelings are ok. I’m part of some support groups and it’s a good tool for me to see others whose lives are the same and how they cope.

I think this is completely normal way to feel, and totally reasonable. As my eldest with ASD gets older, but not more independent like his NT peers I'm going through a phase of jealous y/grief again.

I'm also autistic, and very similar to my DC. So I do know life will work out ok.

I also have other much easier children who are probably NT. They present very different challenges to parent, but it is still easier with just them.

Not just you. I'm in tears right now as DS9 is being a nightmare.
I would love him to not be Autistic and to be as easy as his sister.
Then I feel a terrible parent for thinking like this.

I think it's perfectly normal to feel like this from time to time. My neices are neuro diverse, and my sister sometimes describes it as feeling like they are permanently playing on the B team, and her heart is sad for them.

No, you can love your children and also recognise the challenges and wish that you all had it easier.
It's not the same but I love my mum to bits and who she is but often wish I had a Mum without mental health problems.

You can have these thoughts, but no point in dwelling on this at all, i would admire people who have to face certain challenges in life, and somehow overcome them if possible.