To feel jealous of people with neurotypical children?

[littlesm]

I'm not usually a bitter or jealous person but as my children are growing up I look at families with just neurotypical children (families I know well not just assuming) and can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. Is it just me?

I would not change them for the world. but I'd change the World for them

This is EXACTLY how I feel. My DC are grown up and are the most amazing human beings in my eyes. They are my absolute favourite people to spend time with. I wouldn’t want to change them, not at all, but I do wish that life was easier for them. They are forging their own path though. It’s not the “typical” path people take but that’s ok. There’s no good reason for us all to be the same.

YANBU. On the bad days I often feel a little jealous.

YANBU at all. My ds has asd and is a teen now and it is hard for him and hard for us. Only last night I was lying in bed worrying about what his future might look like.

One of the things I have released as part of getting a diagnosis is how much stuff we automatically wouldn't do (because we had, to some extent I think had adapted our environment/ trips/ socialising to meet our son's needs) and just how different he was to neurotypical children.

I've also reflected on how much work it can be to help him manage his needs, particularly before and after the school day (as school is not always a happy place for him; though he has some excellent teachers)

YANBU to want a more straight forward life for you or your child BUT, you dont know what is going on in every other family. There are other hurdles in place for some kids which can also make the world a very scary or unwelcoming or difficult place. And just because it isnt obvious or shared or talked about doesn't mean others dont have issues.

I'm not jealous. We (husband and me) just wish things could be easier. We know we're not the only neurodiverse family in our neighbourhood, but as I've explained to some people, it's very isolating when it's all kicking off late at night/in the wee small hours, and you know that you have to access super-human strength, guess WTF triggered the meltdown, and keep everyone safe.

Then, when it's all over, you have to clear up whatever mess has been made, so that you can go to bed. Given that sometimes, said mess is blocking everyone's path to bed, the mess usually does have to be cleaned up, and you still have to be up for work in a few hours.

Some people do understand the considerable stress that living with autism can present to the family living with it, and some people just don't. The ones who dismiss it by saying, "oh all kids/teens do that..." are the worst, frankly. No, they don't.

I don't blame you at all. My DB and my BFF both have non-typical children and although they both cope well and have happy family lives. I sometimes wonder how they cope. I don't think I would have done as well they do.

I hear you, it has extreme highs and lows x

Yes it's hard seeing all those 22 year olds he went to toddler group with driving past me in their cars, working in shops, in relationships, chatting to friends, having the independence, freedom and speech that he has been denied - while he continues to shake his baby rattle having never spoken a word.

It sounds perfectly natural to me. I've often heard parents of disabled children say that they love their children dearly but feel pangs of regret / sadness for how they expected their children to be versus what they are.

There was an excellent article in The Guardian the other day about this. A woman had only one child with a rare chromosomal disorder and in the article she lamented what her life was like versus what she thought her life would be like.

My DS is 31 now and not jealous as such but sad for him and worried about what happens in the future despite the fact he has good friends and his sister

You are not being unreasonable 💐

Holland is very often a distant dream and, frankly, can fuck right off.

😂

A brave mother and disability campaigner saying it as she sees it.

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9877001/Mother-late-disabled-daughters-time-carer-admits-left-bored-tree.html

I have neurotypical children but just wanted to say of course YANBU, we all want the best for our children and anything at all that could be perceived as a disadvantage in any way, no matter how wonderful the child, can be difficult

I feel the same . Outwardly I seem ok most of the time but the pain I feel when I think of not being here to look after my adult daughter is too much . I try not to think about it . But I am very jealous of others , they may have other problems but at least their children can get themselves up, dress themselves, go out of the house , read , write, all those things we take for granted. I am exhausted 💐

Yanbu. You can love every inch of them and do everything within your means to make things brilliant for them but that doesn’t also mean you don’t grieve the life you thought you would have.

We went to a SEN trampolining session this morning, quite, not too many people etc. He has his ear defenders and sun glasses on so was quite happy. For a whole 10 minutes. Then someone looked at him and he got overwhelmed by “people” so we had to leave.

People wonder why carers go free at these places THATs why, and because you can’t relax for even a second. He is 11 but I still had to be within arms reach of him just incase

I wish there was a town just for people with Autism. We'd have a boarding school for children, and the children in the secondary school could walk around freely at the weekend to mix with the rest of the adult autism population.

We'd need 1 clothing shop, where the clothes would have no tags and the socks would be seamless.

There would never be any loud noises, like fireworks or ridiculously loud party music.

All our belongings would have our names on them, so if something was lost it could be returned to the person immediately.

I have an adult son who can't speak, a 12 year old who is undergoing ASD assessments and a little one with Down's Syndrome.
People often ask me which experience has been harder, but I can't answer that as they are all so different.
I have good days and bad days.
At the moment I am really struggling with the fact I will never have a conversation with my 22 year old, even though I've never known any different. I love him as he is, but I miss him so much!!

@toolazytothinkofausername

I wish there was a town just for people with Autism. We'd have a boarding school for children, and the children in the secondary school could walk around freely at the weekend to mix with the rest of the adult autism population.

We'd need 1 clothing shop, where the clothes would have no tags and the socks would be seamless.

There would never be any loud noises, like fireworks or ridiculously loud party music.

All our belongings would have our names on them, so if something was lost it could be returned to the person immediately.

God yes and quiet zones where adults who are noise sensitive can live in silence, and noisy zones where people who prefer making noise can do so to their hearts content.

@1forAll74

You can have these thoughts, but no point in dwelling on this at all, i would admire people who have to face certain challenges in life, and somehow overcome them if possible.

Sorry, but I hate this kind of comment. I have an autistic daughter. It is challenging. I overcome the challenges because I have no choice. There is nothing to admire. It's not a case of "if possible". There is no other option

YANBU.
Some DC have every door of life choices available and some have doors that they can never find, let alone open. As a parent I would love for both my DC to have everything available, it isn't wrong to think about it. It doesn't mean less love or care for DC who need more support.

I'm diagnosed autistic and feel jealous towards NT people every day.

Not anything major, but it's constantly there in the background

Yeah and I don't care saying I'd change my daugher too and take away her ADHD in a heartbeat. It's been nothing but a source of suffering for her. I love her but not the ADHD. She hates it too and wants to be medicated to the max so she can function.

Nope- not just you. I do too.