To feel jealous of people with neurotypical children?

[littlesm]

I'm not usually a bitter or jealous person but as my children are growing up I look at families with just neurotypical children (families I know well not just assuming) and can't help but feel a pang of jealousy. Is it just me?

. YANBU

It's grieving for what would have been

Mines a bit older now but the prom photos, the boyfriends, first jobs. We've had none of that

I love DD very much but I do get pangs of jealousy for the life she'll never have

YADNBU totally understand OP x

@Lougle yes I agree about the Welcome To Holland poem. It made me feel sadder tbh.

@1forAll74

You can have these thoughts, but no point in dwelling on this at all, i would admire people who have to face certain challenges in life, and somehow overcome them if possible.

How do you overcome the fact that one day I will be dead and my daughter can’t do anything for herself and will be distraught without me ?

@Junipersky

Yes it's hard seeing all those 22 year olds he went to toddler group with driving past me in their cars, working in shops, in relationships, chatting to friends, having the independence, freedom and speech that he has been denied - while he continues to shake his baby rattle having never spoken a word.

💐💐 Solidarity

Oh Sahara

That made me cry. Me too. And I have my head in the sand about preparing

Not just you. It's so hard sometimes ❤️

@Closetbeanmuncher

Holland is very often a distant dream and, frankly, can fuck right off.

😂

Brilliant. Patronising twaddle , makes me feel worse . As does making groups of disabled children sing “ if you’re happy and you know it” , no I’m not and my daughter probably isn’t thrilled about her disabilities either, just stop with the patronising tripe please . We are a very happy family but it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t want things to be different .

@Sahara123 I understand and I wish I didn’t. I spend my life trying to fill the gaps left by disability but what happens when I’m dead.

We are also a very happy family!

YANBU.

All of my DC have received a word-salad of diagnoses in the last 3 years, after years and years of misery in conventional schooling.

A couple of months ago I was reduced to tears by the sight of an infant-school-age girl and her littler brother, skipping home with their Mum clutching paintings and PE bags and so on. I so wanted that for all of mine, and it so didn't happen.

We are lucky. Ours are (mostly) managing. But I would change the world and our DDs ASD in a heartbeat if I thought it would help. She can see all the ways she doesn't fit in and is lonely and hurt by it.

Its actually a little bit comforting to hear from all from you who understand ! Makes me feel that my thoughts are not that unusual and don’t mean that I’m a terrible person .
Love to you all xx

• from all OF you 😬!

@toolazytothinkofausername

I wish there was a town just for people with Autism. We'd have a boarding school for children, and the children in the secondary school could walk around freely at the weekend to mix with the rest of the adult autism population.

We'd need 1 clothing shop, where the clothes would have no tags and the socks would be seamless.

There would never be any loud noises, like fireworks or ridiculously loud party music.

All our belongings would have our names on them, so if something was lost it could be returned to the person immediately.

The problem with this is that if you have met one person with autism My severely autistic non verbal son, would have absolutley nothing in common, with children who can speak,do exams etc, autism is a vast spectrum and it's not one size fits all.

@toolazytothinkofausername

I wish there was a town just for people with Autism. We'd have a boarding school for children, and the children in the secondary school could walk around freely at the weekend to mix with the rest of the adult autism population.

We'd need 1 clothing shop, where the clothes would have no tags and the socks would be seamless.

There would never be any loud noises, like fireworks or ridiculously loud party music.

All our belongings would have our names on them, so if something was lost it could be returned to the person immediately.

That sounds just as awful as living in a town of NT people

Most of my friends seem to have multiple children who are ND or have other disabilities as we met at the special school gate. I think this helps me beung with people who get it. To the point it feel like i have to 'confess' i also have a NT child

@BlusteryLake

I think it's perfectly normal to feel like this from time to time. My neices are neuro diverse, and my sister sometimes describes it as feeling like they are permanently playing on the B team, and her heart is sad for them.

That’s a good way to describe it. I feel like my son will always be chasing to catch up, but may never be able to. On the other hand he is a happy, sunny natured, social child.

@reader108

I know exactly what you mean. Have you read Welcome to Holland it’s a poem very well written. You need to celebrate the little steps.

That bloody poem enrages me. It so does not get it, and people just keep trotting it out as though it helps. Welcome to a bush fire on a desert island more like.

‘Welcome to a bush fire on a desert island more like.’ .

I am constantly being told what I should be feeling and it’s comforting to read that I’m not alone. I still get all the positive emotions but I seem to experience a bigger range. I get all the feelings! And jealousy is in there.

The only town ds would enjoy living in is one with only me, him and his close family. And trains and a motorway he can watch but with no people.

YANBU

I'm autistic, as is DC1, and it's hard. Holland, separate towns just for people with autism - it's all nonsense.

It's OK to wish the hard bits weren't hard and to wonder 'what if'. It's the balance between that and still taking one small step after another that's not always easy.

It's ok to feel that way. My DS has ADHD and autism traits. He's 15 now and to be frank, I'm shattered. Hope you have some good friends and support ?

YANBU
My DC is NT but physically has issues that for a while warranted her being registered disabled and while she's come a long way there is still a lot of worry.
I think it's natural to feel envious of the storybook child rearing tale that you have missed out on. I am always sad about the milestones we missed while watching friends children experience them. Canny be helped though, wouldn't change her for the world

YANBU. My child is not autistic, but has a very rare spectrum of SN and is not NT.

I love him so much, it can physically hurt.
I worry so much it makes me ill.
I fight for NHS support so much it almost breaks me.
I feel very lonely because his needs are so rare.
I advocate for awareness and understanding, even for those who should be closest to me often still don't even try to understand or sympathise.
I feel so ashamed we don't have the money to give him all the life experiences he deserves as all our money seems to go on therapy and support.

I look at my friends with NT children and just feel full of jealously that it is so easy for them and their families. Some don't even try to soften it for me, it's like they enjoy gloating.