To ask if you are a regular Facebook poster can you explainhy do people post literally what they do every day on FB?

[bigbeautybummum]

Why some people post what they are doing every single day? I'd love to know from someone who does. Friends posting what their DC doing every day, daily family stuff etc . I just don't get it?

A good friend of mine died in October 2015. His account is now a legacy account. Before his treatment, during and while he was in hospice he posted daily, fun stuff, sad things, everything. We had a large friend group and for us when we think of him individually we go on his page and post him a note. It is lovely to read all the notes on there when one of us is missing him. He kind of lives still through it. It is very meaningful for us. He was a very special person.

With this in mind, I do post important things which I feel someone, maybe my kids may one day appreciate reading/knowing. It is nowhere near daily, maybe weekly or as big stuff happens.

Diaries are, by their very nature, private.

Only if you want them to be.

@LimeRedBanana

Clearly anyone who posts on social media does it for validation.

Otherwise they would just do it, and not feel the need to publicise it.

A lot of human behaviour is driven towards social validation. We just don't judge the offline stuff as much.

Definition of diary:
a book in which one keeps a daily record of events and experiences.

No where does it say a diary must be private. Infact many aren't and we're never written with the intention of being private.

@sofiegiraffe but some people do get offended when sm use is labelled as lonely, bragging etc

But often on these threads the very normal and understandable need for social validation gets conflated with the unpleasant character trait of "bragging". They are very different IMO.

what's the difference in your opinion?

I'm pretty sure the sm users who brag don't realise they are doing it or don't see it as a bad thing which is why they get offended by being labelled as such.

This debate seems to be about defining social norms for your social circle.

PP have talked about someone posting 70 photos a week of their baby, another about someone documenting their daily cleaning schedule and another about daily runs and what they eat.

Those sound like extreme examples and not sure anyone (apart from the poster) would find that appropriate.

Same with the covert or overt bragging.

It’s just poor social skills - people who are unable to “read the room” IRL probably unfiltered and unchecked on SM with less feedback just aren’t aware of how they come across to others.

They may not care what others think - or it may be their online personal diary for their own benefit - or maybe they do care and adapt the posting rate and content if they want to consider their audience.

Def over the years most people’s posting style and frequency has changed / settled …. Others like these examples then stand out - bit like IRL social situations some people have poor social skills, hog the airtime and can’t do dialogue, all bragging and one up manship. These are not new poor social skills - we are just seeing them unchecked on SM.

As others have said - just mute anyone you find boring, irritating etc - same as you would IRL - swerve and avoid these characters.

But often on these threads the very normal and understandable need for social validation gets conflated with the unpleasant character trait of "bragging". They are very different IMO.

Exactly. Yes its a bit tedious when people over-share and the tendency to only show the most delightful parts of your life is a well-known syndrome.

But there's a level of judgement about people and particularly women doing this on SM which isn't there in real life.

If you go to the pub to meet your mates and you've got a nice new haircut or you've had your nails done people will say you look nice and you'll coo and accept their compliments. It's a harmless little boost to the self-esteem and no harm is done. Why, when its done on SM, is it considered to be in such poor taste?

But there's a level of judgement about people and particularly women doing this on SM which isn't there in real life

I don't agree, I think women are judged harshly in real life & I think if anyone male or female is a bragger etc in real life people don't like it.

@thepeopleversuswork

But often on these threads the very normal and understandable need for social validation gets conflated with the unpleasant character trait of "bragging". They are very different IMO.

Exactly. Yes its a bit tedious when people over-share and the tendency to only show the most delightful parts of your life is a well-known syndrome.

But there's a level of judgement about people and particularly women doing this on SM which isn't there in real life.

If you go to the pub to meet your mates and you've got a nice new haircut or you've had your nails done people will say you look nice and you'll coo and accept their compliments. It's a harmless little boost to the self-esteem and no harm is done. Why, when its done on SM, is it considered to be in such poor taste?

Yes, precisely my point.

Another (perhaps opposite) example being, if I was with a group of friend IRL, and I suddenly burst into tears and said I'm having a shit time, they'd all console me and show empathy and understanding, act as a sounding board, etc. That's seen as totally normal, to reach out for support in person within your social circle. But if you post on SM for whatever reason that you might be struggling, that's immediately labelled by some as "attention seeking" or "being a drama queen" or "needing validation". To me, it's just another medium used to of connect with others. That's why I don't judge.

@bigbeautybummum

Frangi, assume you're a 'best life' poster then. I use social media for lots of interesting entertaining and useful things but bragging and documenting everything I do every day isn't one of them.

What people post is firstly none of your business, unfollow if you find it too much. Secondly what you find 'interesting and entertaining' is probably boring to others Thirdly, by saying they are 'bragging' sounds more that you have jealousy issues. If you are that bothered by their daily posts, unfollow, unfriends, snooze...there are many options available other than judging them for posting their stuff on FB.

@thepeopleversuswork

But often on these threads the very normal and understandable need for social validation gets conflated with the unpleasant character trait of "bragging". They are very different IMO.

Exactly. Yes its a bit tedious when people over-share and the tendency to only show the most delightful parts of your life is a well-known syndrome.

But there's a level of judgement about people and particularly women doing this on SM which isn't there in real life.

If you go to the pub to meet your mates and you've got a nice new haircut or you've had your nails done people will say you look nice and you'll coo and accept their compliments. It's a harmless little boost to the self-esteem and no harm is done. Why, when its done on SM, is it considered to be in such poor taste?

Because it comes across as demanding / fishing for compliments and it’s not reciprocal.

If you met with your mates in the pub - THEY would notice your new hair / nails etc and would spontaneously complement you and you would do the same - all lovely, authentic and encouraging friendship/social stuff.

[quote rottd]@sofiegiraffe but some people do get offended when sm use is labelled as lonely, bragging etc

But often on these threads the very normal and understandable need for social validation gets conflated with the unpleasant character trait of "bragging". They are very different IMO.

what's the difference in your opinion?

I'm pretty sure the sm users who brag don't realise they are doing it or don't see it as a bad thing which is why they get offended by being labelled as such. [/quote]

The difference is subjective and known only by the poster. When the person's internal motivation is "I want to show the world how much better I am than you" - they are bragging. When the motivation for posting is "I feel so alone right now and I need to reach out and have another person validate that I exist and that I'm not alone" - not bragging; totally normal need for validation.

If you go to the pub to meet your mates and you've got a nice new haircut or you've had your nails done people will say you look nice and you'll coo and accept their compliments. It's a harmless little boost to the self-esteem and no harm is done. Why, when its done on SM, is it considered to be in such poor taste?

I don’t believe you genuinely can’t tell the difference between those two scenarios - come on!

So are you saying that one cannot identity bragging or showing off in RL or on SM because only the individual knows?

I don’t post that much, maybe once a month. And I have wee flurry’s of activity if I’m on holiday or something to share pics.
But if I go somewhere nice to eat with friends, or somewhere fun for a day out with DD I will sometimes do a check in or tag, and post a decent photo I get one. I appreciate when friends and family do this, even ones I don’t keep up with that much as it lets see how
they are getting etc without intrusive phone calls and such. I also like seeing ideas of new places to go and try. I’m conscious of not being ott or annoying so try to limit it to stuff I think my pals would be interested in or happy to see.
I work full time with a DD and DH works long weird shifts, so when I get to go out anywhere it feels like a big deal to me at the minute and so like to look back on it. My family are all spread out around the world so they like seeing photos of DD and hearing what I’m up to (I think 🤔).
Those I know who do multiple posts or over sharing or always going on about
normal food meals etc have a few mental health issues going on and I think struggle with low self esteem, or are lonely and its away to have contact. It can be annoying but does me no harm. I try not to feed the beast if it’s something really eye rolly though and I’ve hidden people when it got too much or too attention seeky. But the main ones have severe mental health conditions so I don’t judge too harshly - Not that everyone who posts like them has mental health problems but it may be a factor 🤔

Another (perhaps opposite) example being, if I was with a group of friend IRL, and I suddenly burst into tears and said I'm having a shit time, they'd all console me and show empathy and understanding, act as a sounding board, etc. That's seen as totally normal, to reach out for support in person within your social circle. But if you post on SM for whatever reason that you might be struggling, that's immediately labelled by some as "attention seeking" or "being a drama queen" or "needing validation". To me, it's just another medium used to of connect with others. That's why I don't judge.

I would say that it would be better to phone a trusted reliable friend in distress or if you have a small what’s app group - because no one is able to give to what you need in a public space or maybe 300 random friends from work, school, family etc.

@bigbeautybummum

I suppose the harm is when it's 100% 'aren't my family/ my relationship/ my meals/ my dc/ my parenting amazing' type posts that can leave their normal, flawed non amazing friends feel they are letting their dc down by not living a 7 day week ' best life'.

Oh okay, so you don’t want to know why. You want them to stop it because it’s making you feel bad.

Unfollow or remove yourself from social media if that’s the case - you cannot police how other people use the platform. I don’t have Facebook but I use Instagram a lot. It’s like my diary and I love how the layout of the app allows me to use hashtags to search locations/events/parenting ideas etc so I can find more things to do and see. I don’t care how many follows or likes I get; I do it for myself and my parents who live in another country. Don’t like it? Don’t follow 🤷🏾‍♀️

@Insertfunnyname

I find it a lot weirder people who have fb, seem to log on daily for a nosey but NEVER post anything themselves.

It’s like a weird peeping Tom thing.

This is me. However I don’t do it to be a peeping Tom, I don’t even use it for friends / family. I follow a lot of Facebook groups from car seat safety and breastfeeding to crafts to cooking. I use this informational aspect more than the social aspect, rarely post any personal info.

@Sssloou

Another (perhaps opposite) example being, if I was with a group of friend IRL, and I suddenly burst into tears and said I'm having a shit time, they'd all console me and show empathy and understanding, act as a sounding board, etc. That's seen as totally normal, to reach out for support in person within your social circle. But if you post on SM for whatever reason that you might be struggling, that's immediately labelled by some as "attention seeking" or "being a drama queen" or "needing validation". To me, it's just another medium used to of connect with others. That's why I don't judge.

I would say that it would be better to phone a trusted reliable friend in distress or if you have a small what’s app group - because no one is able to give to what you need in a public space or maybe 300 random friends from work, school, family etc.

Yes it might be better, for some people. It would certainly be the preferred option for me to call one trusted friend. But I'm lucky to have that person to call. I recognise that not everyone does and so some people choose to communicate their distress via other avenues.

@TheNinny

I don’t post that much, maybe once a month. And I have wee flurry’s of activity if I’m on holiday or something to share pics. But if I go somewhere nice to eat with friends, or somewhere fun for a day out with DD I will sometimes do a check in or tag, and post a decent photo I get one. I appreciate when friends and family do this, even ones I don’t keep up with that much as it lets see how they are getting etc without intrusive phone calls and such. I also like seeing ideas of new places to go and try. I’m conscious of not being ott or annoying so try to limit it to stuff I think my pals would be interested in or happy to see. I work full time with a DD and DH works long weird shifts, so when I get to go out anywhere it feels like a big deal to me at the minute and so like to look back on it. My family are all spread out around the world so they like seeing photos of DD and hearing what I’m up to (I think 🤔). Those I know who do multiple posts or over sharing or always going on about normal food meals etc have a few mental health issues going on and I think struggle with low self esteem, or are lonely and its away to have contact. It can be annoying but does me no harm. I try not to feed the beast if it’s something really eye rolly though and I’ve hidden people when it got too much or too attention seeky. But the main ones have severe mental health conditions so I don’t judge too harshly - Not that everyone who posts like them has mental health problems but it may be a factor 🤔

This is a good example of the spectrum of social skills - thoughtful social media use - I love getting ideas for places to go and seeing people having fun / milestones etc …. against the prolific monotone and tone deaf posts.

We are all just learning what works for each of our social circles.

I often wonder if like the example of the 70 baby posts a week if that poster follows and likes hundreds of others posting their 70 baby photos each week?

@rottd

Well, no one really truly knows another person's internal subjective motivation unless they ask them (assuming the person is honest with their answer of course!). That goes for all behaviour really. But obviously you can make educated guesses based on what you might already know about a person. My point was more that it's not always a case of "I'm better than the world, my life is great, and I'm going to post to show you all how amazing I am". That is very often the assumed motivation (especially on MN threads such as this one) - and social validation is often defined in these terms, ie "bragging". I think two things are wrong here: 1) the blanket assumption that everyone is motivated by the "I'm better than you so here's my amazing life" train of thought; and 2) defining social validation as synonymous with "bragging".

If that makes any sense at all!

I think this sums Facebook up perfectly.

Also, I don’t mean it to be boasting in any way, but I suppose sharing any nice activity could be interpreted that way if people are determined to think negatively of you. I just get excited I’m doing something other than baby stuff so wanna tell others.
Guess I worry I’m just a boring mum now so like to share that I sometimes, occasionally do slightly interesting things still, though there is probably someone watching and rolling their eyes 👀.

I post photos as I use it to save all my photos in the albums & check in places as it comes up on my memories in following years and sometimes to connect with people but don’t get why people update that they’ve cleaned the house or changed their bedding

I think the way that people use social media says a lot about them and how their lives really are. I tend to find that those who post the most are the unhappiest/loneliest. I feel that I can make that judgement, as I used to do it myself. It becomes almost addictive getting likes and comments, and people telling you how good you look. Now that I'm with DP, and have been for almost 4 years, I barely post anything other than on perhaps birthdays and at Christmas. I used to post daily, several times a day probably. I guess I looked as though I was loving life, but I wasn't.