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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

870 replies

LilBristow · 10/08/2021 15:57

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

OP posts:
MakeMathsFun · 11/08/2021 23:43

@Localocal

i'm as eccentric, sentimental and broody as they come. And even I think this is too much. Kids don't need to be prepared for the birth of a cousin. Even if they are interested they will have exactly two questions - when is it coming and will it be a boy or a girl. After that it will be "let me know when it's here." They don't need a party for that, and enlisting them to fake welcoming a baby that isn't here for the sake of putting photos in an album for the baby for later does seem a bit new-mum-zilla. Your nieces and nephews are not your photo-props.

It sounds to me like your mum did try to break it to you gently that this was a peculiar idea and not going down well.

I would let this one go.

Nobody can deny a mother the right to have a family party. What is this, the party police? Maybe she's not allowed to smile, or laugh or eat chocolate either. Having a first baby is an exciting and scary moment, so this Mother has decided to come up with an interesting fun idea. Nobody has the right to knock her down.
Debbacat6 · 11/08/2021 23:47

Who are you bearing? The Messiah?
Why on earth would other kids 'have questions'?
It's all OTT and Mumzilla so I agree with Grandma. And photobooks? Banners??
Good grief, have a word with yourself

Firstwelive · 11/08/2021 23:53

Family gathering before you get tired with newborn is great idea.
But the welcome baby activities sounded a bit much. A normal family meal is enough.

Have a baby shower with friends instead?

KrystalKendal · 11/08/2021 23:54

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.
Sorry for being presumptuous with my previous comment.

Firstly good on you for doing it on your own!

Re- the party. It seems you may have wanted a baby shower and as much as I hate going to these I'm sorry no one has arranged something for you as it feels this may have been appreciated. I'm sure everyone is looking toward to the new arrival and a party before a baby arrives is still considered quite unusual. I would spin it to a positive and do something to welcome the baby. Good luck with everything

Kanaloa · 11/08/2021 23:57

@Debbacat6

What’s the matter with you? Have you never been invited to a party? Do you reply to all wedding invitations with ‘who do you think you are, Princess Diana? Why would I care that YOU’RE getting married?’

People have special life events. Those that love them usually like to help them celebrate those events.

a8mint · 12/08/2021 00:12

'... a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with teddies and banners'
Please drop this idea and never mention it to anyone again. I know you dont mean it this way, but you sound so up yourself, as though you are the first woman ever to give birth. Apart from parents and to some extent grandparents, no one else is really interested in your baby, even less so before it's even born

Frazzledmummy123 · 12/08/2021 00:22

And so the bitchiness continues.... Angry . Give it a rest people.
Op hadn't been on the thread and I actually hope she has stopped reading.

Queenoftheashes · 12/08/2021 00:25

Yes this is a horrible thread, people are being huge wankers. The OP doesn’t need any more messages saying her idea is weird, she got the first 13 pages worth before she left.
I’m surprised it’s still up.

Jellyt0t · 12/08/2021 00:33

I think this is a lovely idea, it would be an opportunity for you to spend time with them before you are occupied with your baby.

I am sure it would have been lovely for the children to see your nursery and be involved with your baby prep etc.

However, focus on yourself and your baby as other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter.

Justme10 · 12/08/2021 00:44

Yeah I think it's time for this thread to get taken down, posters seem to be getting enjoyment in trying to be a nasty as possible.

How people can be so horrible to a pregnant woman over a party that is not hurting anyone or in no way offensive is beyond me.

CirqueDeMorgue · 12/08/2021 00:45

Absolute bunch of nasty cunts on here. No wonder this idea is 'peculiar' to them, we can clearly see what they do for entertainment. 🙄

Boredmotherofone · 12/08/2021 00:51

@Bollindger

I know your getting excited and were planning some think you thought was sweet, but really it comes across as a party for you, sort of a look at my bump. Just rearrange it for when baby is here and everyone will be excited for you and too meet the new family member. Enjoy some quiet time now. Congratulations.
*something
Boredmotherofone · 12/08/2021 00:53

@Saoirse82

I also disagree that other people aren't as excited about a baby as you are. It depends on how close your family is, when my sister was pregnant with my nephews I was so excited it was like I was having a baby. I couldn't love them anymore if I'd given birth to them myself. I'm now 26 weeks pregnant with my first and my sister is the same way, she's been buying long before I have, same with my SIL who I'm very close to as its thr first grandchild on DHs side. I see this a lot on mumsnet that no-one is as excited as the birth as you are but certainly in our families if a new baby is coming its a big deal. And if SIL has a baby down the line I'll be so excited for her baby too.
Your family sound amazing, I'm SO jealous! I have next to no family at all Sad
Boredmotherofone · 12/08/2021 00:56

@LilBristow

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.
💔 Also a single parent. I know and felt every word of that sentence.

Please PM me if you'd like to chat x ThanksCakeBrew

Pregladon · 12/08/2021 00:57

I really don't understand why so many people feel the need to belittle and berate this poor woman for trying to do something to mark an exciting and scary time in her life. She wants a little garden party with her family, not a national holiday. She's definitely not the dickhead in this situation.

There's nothing "weird" or "too much" about wanting to celebrate your little one coming into the world, and having just had my first baby, I can tell you, you will almost certainly not want a party of any description any time soon after the birth, so I really don't know why people are acting like that's a more normal thing to do!
I think it's lovely you're so excited about your little one, as you should be, and it was a really sweet idea to want to include the older kids in welcoming your baby...some of the adults might be a bit jaded and nasty, but kids will almost definitely love the idea, even if it is just because they'll enjoy a bit of crafting and running around in the garden.
Your family have been really unkind and unsupportive, and I'm so sorry for that. I hope they've supported you in other ways during the pregnancy and will be there for you when little one arrives. Regardless, it will be the most amazing thing ever to happen to you!
Congratulations and good luck!! 💐

wellstopdoingitthen · 12/08/2021 01:02

@Debbacat6

Who are you bearing? The Messiah? Why on earth would other kids 'have questions'? It's all OTT and Mumzilla so I agree with Grandma. And photobooks? Banners?? Good grief, have a word with yourself

Nasty

mathanxiety · 12/08/2021 01:08

I’m having this baby alone, I suppose I just wanted to share the excitement with someone.

I think your party idea is a lovely one. Not necessarily to have nieces' and nephews' questions answered, but still nice.

I suspect your mum and other relatives have some sort of discomfort with the idea of you going it alone here. I hope I'm wrong.

me109f · 12/08/2021 01:28

This reply has been deleted

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NoNotMeNoSiree · 12/08/2021 01:41

Not RTFT
It's not usually the "done" thing, so can see why they'd be a bit Confused
However it sounds like a really nice idea.
There's no need for them to be such dicks about it.

Wheresmybiscuit3 · 12/08/2021 02:50

You sound very lovely OP. It’s certainly a different idea but I think it would have been lovely. I’m sorry you’ve had some much grief on here and also from your family.

I’d just tell them you want to have a party or call it a baby shower and tell them you don’t need any presents

BookFiend4Life · 12/08/2021 03:21

Jesus 30 pages of people telling OP off for a very sweet idea. OP if you come back please try to ignore all the negativity, probably no one invites these miserable bitches to parties and they're jealous.

I was thinking about the "kids asking questions" bit- at my own (obviously totally OTT, self-indulgent, narcissistic, weird) zoom baby shower (for my messiah/PFB/only-fetus-in-the-world) my cousin's little girl (age 7) asked to see my belly, then asked if she would be born before or after the party games because she didn't want to miss the birth but also her mom said she could watch Moana on the tablet. My neighbor's daughter (age 4) asked if I was going to have a baby or a puppy... kids have questions sometimes.

a8mint · 12/08/2021 04:26

Leading other people's children in making cards for your own child for an occasion you have invented, for a child who isn't even born, is massively self centred. You are not doing it for the children, you are doing it for yourself.
People telling the OP it is a good idea are utterly tone deaf. I can only assume they too have narcissistic tendencies.

emmiep · 12/08/2021 04:33

It sounds like there are a number of other kids in the family so it’s unlikely they will have questions about the new baby.
I know you are super excited as it’s your child but others won’t really want a photo book of a baby party for a baby that hasn’t been born yet.
Sorry that sounds harsh.
If you push it and make people come, you’re going to know you forced them and you won’t enjoy it that much now anyway. Just let it go. Chalk it up to hormones and nest building going into overdrive.
Wait until baby is here and have a big party x

HoppingPavlova · 12/08/2021 04:52

My neighbor's daughter (age 4) asked if I was going to have a baby or a puppy... kids have questions sometimes.

Yes, but they tend to ask them in an organic manner as they go about life, not in structured Q&A events.

MakeMathsFun · 12/08/2021 04:52

@Debbacat6

Who are you bearing? The Messiah? Why on earth would other kids 'have questions'? It's all OTT and Mumzilla so I agree with Grandma. And photobooks? Banners?? Good grief, have a word with yourself
No. You are OTT with dramatic reaction to it. Its just a party..