To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

This thread is very unkind

I’ve no idea why some people think it’s acceptable to be so horrible to a pregnant woman.

I’m sorry op sending you lots of hugs.

I'll end by saying if anyone asks for an opinion, then they will get just that. We all have our own opinions, and some are more forthright than others.

I've had a range of views whilst reading this thread. On face value it really does seem OTT to organise a pre baby party for questions about the baby etc. rather than just a straight forward baby shower. In some ways I can see why the family were initially a bit confused or meh about it. But now you've approached it differently by making it clear you just want a garden party/get together and they are still being awkward questioning why you are having the party for baby etc. rather than support, turn up and enjoy makes them come across as a bit dense and being purposefully awkward. It's clear you're not bothered about the attention you just want a get together with loved ones. The recent update about having the baby alone and not wanting people to think you want gifts I think puts into perspective the initial idea, which is now more understandable. At least you know for next time your family are probably not the best to try new ideas with, maybe stick to the more common baby shower/gender reveal theme parties and specify you are not wanting gifts.

Stunned this hasn’t been taken down yet. I feel bad for the op. I’m sure her intentions were good but it is a wanky idea

I know this thread doesn’t really need any more posts, but I feel bad because I posted before I realised that the OP was doing this alone.

I’m really surprised at all the posters who are saying ‘no one gives a shit about your baby’. This is absolute bollocks. When I had my first the grandparents were over the moon (my mum hadn’t shown much enthusiasm at all during my pregnancy) I had colleagues who I didn’t really know that well messaging me asking about the baby, aunts coming out of the woodwork who I hadn’t seen for years. My partner’s niece was obsessed, strangers were interested in the street.

A mum from my son’s school recently had a baby and everyone was interested, the teachers would ask every day if the baby had arrived.

Perhaps the posters who are saying no one gives a shit about other people’s babies haven’t had any of their own or just aren’t very liked in their community.

I'll end by saying if anyone asks for an opinion, then they will get just that. We all have our own opinions, and some are more forthright than others.

Cheers for that. @LoislovesStewie

Nothing new there. Since we all have our own feelings too that's about the ultimate cop out for being unkind.

"well you did ask...."

There are some bitches on here.

*I’m really surprised at all the posters who are saying ‘no one gives a shit about your baby’. This is absolute bollocks. When I had my first the grandparents were over the moon (my mum hadn’t shown much enthusiasm at all during my pregnancy) I had colleagues who I didn’t really know that well messaging me asking about the baby, aunts coming out of the woodwork who I hadn’t seen for years. My partner’s niece was obsessed, strangers were interested in the street.

A mum from my son’s school recently had a baby and everyone was interested, the teachers would ask every day if the baby had arrived.*
It is called being polite!

@IheartJKR

This thread is very unkind

I’ve no idea why some people think it’s acceptable to be so horrible to a pregnant woman.

I’m sorry op sending you lots of hugs.

Surely people are giving their asked-for opinions on why the OP’s family are being ‘mean’, as she terms it?

Who are you bearing? The Messiah?
Why on earth would other kids 'have questions'?
It's all OTT and Mumzilla so I agree with Grandma. And photobooks? Banners??
Good grief, have a word with yourself

@Debbacat6

Has it crossed your mind what OP actually FELT if she read that shit?

Did you read any of her updates?

You def put her in her place though Deb. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

“it is called being polite!”

@a8mint

I can tell the difference between people being polite and people being genuinely interested! Strangers don’t normally stop you in the street just to ‘be polite’. I can assure you now my aunt wasn’t just being polite, she hadn’t spoken to me in years! The people who were interested in the mum from the school weren’t just being polite as they talked about it with enthusiasm when she wasn’t even there. I was one of them!
Just because you don’t give a shit about other people’s babies doesn’t mean that no one else does.

If I wanted to have a party 4 my unborn child then I would I think it's a nice idea and your family should support u Evan if they think it's odd.... ur not ask much just for them to come round and eat and drink what's wrong with that. X

Goodness me people are mean, people have baby showers all the time and that it is not classed as weird but you want to have one without anybody giving you gifts and suddenly you are being weird? I think it is a lovely idea. 🥰

@101waystoworry

Goodness me people are mean, people have baby showers all the time and that it is not classed as weird but you want to have one without anybody giving you gifts and suddenly you are being weird? I think it is a lovely idea. 🥰

This is such an odd post. She’s not indicated if she has had a baby shower already. This is really not a baby shower as such.

She didn't ask why her family were being though, she asked if they were being mean.

@sunglassesonthetable

I'll end by saying if anyone asks for an opinion, then they will get just that. We all have our own opinions, and some are more forthright than others.

Cheers for that. @LoislovesStewie

Nothing new there. Since we all have our own feelings too that's about the ultimate cop out for being unkind.

"well you did ask...."

There are some bitches on here.

I didn't think my own posts were actually awful; I was surprised why anyone would want to give other children the opportunity to ask questions about the pregnancy; I have explained why I didn't want to attend family get-togethers and I have said in a restrained way that some people are more direct than others in respect of their opinions. I wouldn't ask for an opinion on anything if I didn't want a truthful answer. It's like asking 'does my bum look big in this?' and expecting others to say 'no, it's fine' when actually it's not. You might well get tactless comments, I would, in that scenario, say nothing. Others might say'yes, it's huge'. I don't think I am unkind, and I don't feel my comments were, I was more bemused than anything.

why is it 'odd' @Bluntness100

Sorry but think of you and the baby! Don’t bother wasting your time and money on them.
It sounds like they won’t appreciate any of it.

@Dragonsmother

Sorry but think of you and the baby! Don’t bother wasting your time and money on them. It sounds like they won’t appreciate any of it.

Yep don't waste money on the miserable numpties. And don't invite them to anything else in the future christenings, bday parties , weddings. That's what I would do.

I don't think anyone is wrong for sharing their thoughts as they are valid points, but I think they could have put them a bit kinder. Some of the comments from some of the 'kind' posters directed towards the ones that disagreed were not very dignified from their high horses either.

OP absolutely do something for you to mark the happy occassion, just because your family aren't wanting to attend your event doesn't mean you shouldn't do something special for you because you will likely resent them if you rely on them to make it special for you. Some things you could do is do weekly bump pictures to see how you are growing over the weeks, journal or blog about your pregnancy, do a bump photoshoot, do a family tree, start a memory box or even plan a day all about you - have a spa day or whatever it is you love. Create some of your own happy memories of your pregnancy.

I just feel that some posters are laughing at op and ridiculing her. It’s unnecessary and cruel. It’s clear ops family have hurt her feelings and she’s come in here looking for a bit of solidarity and support.
Ops having her baby alone. Is it her first baby?? Is this not what mumsnet is all about? Women supporting women?

It doesn’t mean you can’t disagree and point out things op maybe not realise or know. I think it’s clear to everyone who’s read this that op hasn’t explained to her family effectively what she was hoping to do.
I get the impression she wanted others to share in her excitement.
Op must feel awful now - some of the comments have been horrible.
@NotableTree

I think given your family will know you are doing this alone they've been very harsh in their responses here.

I hope you have a lovely garden party :) or if not, a great big party when your baby arrives x

Weird and precious.

Why do you need to 'answer any questions' that other people's kids might have about your baby?

YANBU. Regardless of whether people agree with your party idea, your family’s responses are mean.

Understand you want to share it with them, but if it is such a chore for them to show up and be supportive, then I’d replace them with caring friends instead!!
I’m sure grannies and aunties will be knocking on the door for baby cuddles in a few weeks…

I cannot believe how mean people in this thread are being. I think it's a lovely idea and geat to do something a bit different - a fun day for kids in these days that have been so horrible.
A baby shower without gifts. Putting yourself out to get the family together.
First babies ARE special - look how much they change your life!.
Maybe if other people were like you the world would be a better place.
Well done OP.

I admire your reasons and thoughtfulness, but you have been overthinking this! If you'd just said you were having a family party, as last chance before baby is here, then I'm sure reactions would have been very different. As pps have said, the children really won't be that interested I'm afraid! I also do t think they need photo books of themselves with teddies and stuff. That is a very odd thing to do! Surely you'd be better getting nice photos of them holding the baby once it's here!