To think family didn’t need to be so mean about it?

[LilBristow]

We am due my first baby in a few weeks. I thought it would be nice (as it’s the summer hols and lovely weather this week) to hold a “baby party” for the kids in the family. Would basically just be a bog standard garden party with food and the paddling pool out etc, water guns if it’s warm and just a chance for them to ask any questions about the baby etc. I also thought we could get the kids making “welcome baby” cards etc, take lots of photos with banners and teddies etc and then I’d make each child a little photo album of the day and obviously my DC too so they can see the baby party we held for them.
I told my mum my plan and she said it sounded like a lovely idea and said she’d mention it to my grandma and aunties. The last day I rang her and asked if she’s got any feedback and she went quiet and then said “umm yeah, I think they’re just wondering why you’re having a party before baby is even born”. 🙄 I reminded her that I’d already explained it was to answer any questions the other kids might have and to just basically have a bit of fun and make some family photo books!! She said “yeah, well I’ll mention it again but I don’t know”. Next day she rang me saying “yeah …. Your grandma is just asking why you’re having a party for baby?”

Oh ffs. So I rang my grandma and explained it myself. She acted the same, kept saying “but baby isn’t here yet” so I said “ok let’s forget about baby!! I’m organising a fun day for the kids in the garden on Friday, will you spread the word!” She said “suppose so”.
Aunti has just sent me a message saying “don’t take this the wrong way but we haven’t had a party for any of the other babies born into the family so it doesn’t seem fair to do it for one”.

I’ve also heard that another auntie burst out laughing at the idea. I feel really fucking hurt to be honest. It’s my first baby and I just wanted to arrange something fun before he arrives.

Call it a baby shower and say no gifts thank you

It would have been better to call it a ‘baby shower’ without presents, your family would have found that easier to understand. It’s not surprising you’ve had the response you’ve had, though they could have been kinder about it.

But the party itself is a lovely idea.

Some of these comments are well OTT and unkind, sadly a common occurrence on AIBU. I don’t think the OP will be back

She may have already had a baby shower.

My kids would love this sort of thing. Sounds like the adults are being mean/jealous. Why wouldn’t they want to go to a party??

There’s a massive difference between being ‘forthright’ and being a horrible cow @LoislovesStewie. Here’s the difference.

Hmm op not sure that’s an great idea - it could come off the wrong way! If I was you I would just have a baby shower, it’s more traditional and people would be more understanding.

What are you, the only person to have a baby! What a self serving narcissist you are! What a precious attention seeking idiot! You’ve got a LOT to learn about kids, don’t you know nobody cares about you or your baby!

It’s the same difference between being honest and ‘telling it like it is.’

@Cardiffwales

My kids would love this sort of thing. Sounds like the adults are being mean/jealous. Why wouldn’t they want to go to a party??

Jealous?

Are we still doing that childish jibe?

Dont know whats worse, the post or people commenting like its a good idea or the people trying to make out that the people against it are jealous ahahah get a grip

I think a get together is a lovely idea and the op sounds like a very thoughtful auntie. In my family we would be kind and go along with the idea even if it's not our cup of tea, because any get together is good.
I think some people forget what it is like to be pregnant with your first baby and it is easy to lose a bit of perspective in your excitement, it is a life changing eventually after all!
Op, best wishes for your upcoming birth

@Kanaloa

There’s a massive difference between being ‘forthright’ and being a horrible cow *@LoislovesStewie*. Here’s the difference.

Hmm op not sure that’s an great idea - it could come off the wrong way! If I was you I would just have a baby shower, it’s more traditional and people would be more understanding.

What are you, the only person to have a baby! What a self serving narcissist you are! What a precious attention seeking idiot! You’ve got a LOT to learn about kids, don’t you know nobody cares about you or your baby!

It’s the same difference between being honest and ‘telling it like it is.’

Tell me when baby showers became traditional?

People saying this is odd are just odd in my eyes. It's a baby shower and it sounds like a lovely idea. Ignore the odd balls and crack on op

Dont know whats worse, the post or people commenting like its a good idea or the people trying to make out that the people against it are jealous ahahah get a grip

Err probably what's worse is posters calling OP a narcissist, telling her she's Mumzilla, asking if she thinks she's giving birth to the Messiah, telling her she might be be interested " but no one else is". That she has 'alot to learn about kids'. That ' they've seen through her' she just wants to use the kids as props.

Yep that's worse. 👍🏻

@Cas112

I don't think the idea is weird, I think the name is what's confusing people.. is it a baby shower, is it aa random party for your unborn?

I think it sounds lovey, but a 'baby party' is an unusual concept and I am not sure you can blame your fam for thinking it bizarre.

Maybe just call it a family BBQ and ditch the decorations... but also ask your aunties what their beef is with you wanting to welcome your baby into the world!

Yep that's worse.

Almost as bad as repeating it all.

@SoupDragon

Almost as bad as repeating it all.

Nah not really .

It doesn't sound like they were mean at all, except the one who unnecessarily told you about the aunt bursting into laughter. Sounds like both the mum and grandma tried to let the OP down gently. Unless it's considered mean not to go along with everything a family member suggests...

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

It doesn't sound like they were mean at all, except the one who unnecessarily told you about the aunt bursting into laughter. Sounds like both the mum and grandma tried to let the OP down gently. Unless it's considered mean not to go along with everything a family member suggests...

I dunno, I think it's a bit mean to shoot the idea down so hard when you know someone you love is going through pregnancy and about to have a baby on their own. And then keep going on about how weird you think it is even after that person has changed the initial idea to make it just a general meet-up.

Even if you think it's silly, would you not just keep quiet (to OP) and attend what sounds like a nice day together with family?

I do think it's mean.

@LoislovesStewie

Traditional means ‘existing in or as part of a tradition.’ As the modern baby shower started sometime in the 1950s, I’d say that’s pretty established. And even hundreds of years before people have always had rituals and traditions to celebrate a new mother.

I’m not sure why that’s the only part of my post you picked up, rather than reflecting on why you felt the need to be so horrible as opposed to just saying no that wouldn’t be for me.

[quote sunglassesonthetable]@SoupDragon

Almost as bad as repeating it all.

Nah not really .

[/quote]
Yeah, it is.

Honestly do none of you attend baby showers/bridal showers/birthday parties/graduation parties?

You’d think op was demanding everyone showed up at the stroke of midnight, all dressed exactly like Walt from Breaking Bad, and serenaded her with a flash mob rendition of Smooth Criminal.

She’s invited them to a family party. The ‘questions for kids’ was a bit over the top but it was essentially a garden party with games for the kids and food for adults.

@SoupDragon

we'll have to agree to disagree on that then.

@suspiria777

In Jewish families this is not just self-indulgent and bizarre, it's also terrible bad luck to buy, do or celebrate anything to do with a baby that has not been born.

Not true. You think all us Jewish mums didn’t buy baby stuff prior to the baby arriving. It’s not form to name a child after a living relative, but that’s it. I had my kids before baby showers etc and they’re not really my ‘thing’, none of my friends ever had one, but I have never heard you can’t prepare for a baby’s arrival if you’re Jewish!!!

Even if it was true that Jewish families don’t celebrate a baby before their born, utterly irrelevant if the op’s family is not Jewish.

[quote Kanaloa]@LoislovesStewie

Traditional means ‘existing in or as part of a tradition.’ As the modern baby shower started sometime in the 1950s, I’d say that’s pretty established. And even hundreds of years before people have always had rituals and traditions to celebrate a new mother.

I’m not sure why that’s the only part of my post you picked up, rather than reflecting on why you felt the need to be so horrible as opposed to just saying no that wouldn’t be for me.[/quote]
Please tell me where I have been horrible? I said that I was bemused by the need for children to have questions answered about the pregnancy. I said that I, personally, wouldn't want to attend as I had several miscarriages and difficult pregnancies and as a result of that I become anxious about pregnancies ending badly (not rational, but that is how it is). Call it superstition if you like, I don't mind. Furthermore, I made the point that people, other people, can be forthright or just plain rude if they are asked for an opinion. FWIW if I was invited to such a party I would politely decline. It is possible to do that, and it's the way I work.
I have no relatives/friends/colleagues who have ever had a gender reveal or baby shower, and it is a new one on me. I didn't even know what it was until I watched an episode of 'The Simpsons'. It certainly wasn't around in the 1950s in the UK. Yes, new mothers have always had rituals accompanying the birth, including 'churching' which was still in existence until fairly recently but, truly, no baby-showers before the birth. I'm asking solely for information, BTW.