‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’

[Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit]

What does this mean?

I have two amazing cleaning ladies who come for 4 hours every fortnight. They do what I call ‘The big clean’ the whole house, dusting, bathroom, windows, kitchen, hoover, mop, oven, fridge etc. In between this time I do the loos, kitchen everyday and hoover & mop a couple of times (stone tile floors)
I HATE cleaning, I have a toddler and work part time, I cook lots and don’t mind it, but cleaning isn’t my thing.
I’d rather pay money for cleaners and forgo a new outfit or a meal out, that’s how much I dislike it 🤣it’s impossible to do it with Dd around, plus I’d rather spend time with her than breaking my back cleaning.
Today, my mum said ‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’ she then began to list how she’d do the bathrooms one day, the downstairs the next etc etc..fine, but I don’t want to spend every day cleaning. She also said how she had 3 kids, not 1 🙄
I said how I’d rather spend some money on cleaners so we can enjoy our weekends in the sun (live abroad) and relax, rather than buying myself loads of new clothes or getting my eyebrows done etc (things she and my sister spend a fair amount on)
AIBU to have cleaners?!

@Fizbosshoes Admittedly, that thought does cross my mind and I cringe a little, but I’m sure they’re used to all kinds of houses

@BoaCunstrictor

Not at all. Everyone should do the job they wish to do if possible. My point is nothing to do with the cleaners, my question was to ask how feminists felt about employing other women to do boring and menial work.

My mum had a cleaner who also did the ironing when I grew up, and we are by no means rich she's like you, absolutely hates it so would rather cut back on other things. She's more impressed we actually make food from scratch...

I actually worked part time for one of our old cleaners one summer, it was brilliant and I was in the best shape of my life!! Cleaning someone else's house (for me) is way easier than cleaning my own, I get lazy and cut corners if it's our apartment

Of course it's up to you how you spend your money.
We stopped having a cleaner during lockdown and DH and I do about three hours each per week, plus I tidy round and do laundry in the week. The advantage is that teenagers learn how to do it with you. I also find it's done better when we do it, I know where I am with it, and we save £300 per month. But for years I had cleaners and they were a godsend.

@RickJames Boss you around how? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I go to work on the morning of cleaning, drop Dd off, leave the key out for the cleaners to let themselves in, leave the money on the top for them, they leave when they’re done.

YANBU. I've been a cleaner. You are doing women in poverty/on a low income a favour. And it's your choice what you spend your money on.

There's something intensely "Christian" about the older generation who think that there was/is some virtue in working your fingers to the bone and having no downtime. We have a cleaner who does 2 hours a week. We do it when she's not here. We pay her well, it doesn't break the bank, we get a clean house and kitchen on a Friday, which is great. End of story.

Cleaning while the employer is out is fantastic, best way of doing the job. So relaxing.

My dad laughed when he heard I had a cleaner, couldn’t understand why I wanted one. I had two kids under 3, was suicidal with pnd and was working from home part time. She came and did a big clean on a Friday. It saved my sanity. Don’t listen to what anyone says, no need to explain, it’s your life x

• We didn't bring you up to have a cleaner
• Did you bring me up to make my own decisions, though?

YANBU, had a cleaner 16 years, I would sacrifice most things to keep her to be honest! I hate cleaning and don't intend to spend weekends doing it when I work full time with X 2 kids. I also have a gardener, milk delivery, egg delivery and employ handy people randomly to do various jobs, for example the mobile car valet service I use. I'm not rich, I've just done the weekly shop in Asda!

I have my hair cut x 2 per year and colour it myself. Have toenails done about once every 3 months which is my only beauty indulgence in terms of treatments. I buy clothes now and again but minimal make up etc and go away a fair bit but not on luxury holidays. It's my choice and means as a family we have a nice life.

My mum used to be furious with me for going to a proper hairdressers and having colour etc done rather than getting a home hairdresser to do a trim for £10.

15 years later, she's realised life is too short and now takes herself to an actual hairdresser 😁

@Helendee

I’m not a feminist other than believing in equality for all and I struggle to understand how those who are don’t mind employing another woman to do their cleaning. Surely who want more for your sisters than them cleaning up mess?

My cleaner LOVES her job. She says she has great feeling of satisfaction when she's about to leave a client's house and can see it gleaming. She also loves being her own boss and in control of her own working life.

Clearly you look down on her, if you think we should want more from life than she has.

I'm very glad to give another woman work.

id ignore her , you are not your mum , you are your own person and an adult whos free to make choices like paying someone to clean the house rather than do it all herself . thats it in a nutshell really

[quote Helendee]@BoaCunstrictor

Not at all. Everyone should do the job they wish to do if possible. My point is nothing to do with the cleaners, my question was to ask how feminists felt about employing other women to do boring and menial work.[/quote]
As per my post above, my cleaner doesn't find her work boring at all. And she certainly doesn't consider it menial. She takes a pride in her work, and frankly, I'm quite offended on her behalf, that you assume that she's a woman with no choices and no agency over her life - because she's 'just a lowly cleaner' so how could she possibly be content?

my question was to ask how feminists felt about employing other women to do boring and menial work.

@Helendee I've been a cleaner and also had one for a while when I was ill. It's given other women money they wouldn't otherwise have, which they greatly appreciate.

Not everyone is easily able to do anything else, so this is the best opportunity they'll get. As a feminist it's great to give other women that opportunity to work and get money of their own.

I've only really been able to do cleaniing or care work due to health problems, as was the woman I employed. In the advert I specified the job might suit someone returning to some work due to health problems etc.

There's nothing better for a lot of us unfortunately, so this is a great opportunity we value other women giving us. Those women employing us are giving something back.

It might be 'menial' (great way at looking at someone's work BTW) but that's all we can do. Yes it can be boring but it's also less stressful than a lot of jobs which we couldn't do anyway, and gives us the boot of being able to work/earn.

When I told my mum that we were having a cleaner for two hours a fortnight, she immediately started flapping about us wasting money, and even suggested that she would come and do our cleaning herself (!!??) ... I politely declined the offer!

I think I love my cleaner more than my DH.

Cleaning does not come naturally to me (it didn’t for my parents and it showed!) but my cleaner has working in hotels and she makes it sooooo much nicer than I ever do.

I respect her as the professional that she is.

I would like to know how many middle class women work as cleaners

If I didn't hate cleaning I'd be happy to do it as a part time job.
But I hate it. it's tedious, boring and I'd rather pay someone to do it🤷‍♀️

Don't even think about it - keep your cleaner.

Suggest in future this just not something you discuss with your parents.
Your Dad maybe doesn't 'get' it and that is fine but it is your life, family and decisions.
I would forgo many meals/new clothes etc. to pay for a cleaner.
It just frees up so much time and all those guilty feelings when you look at the shower, windows whatever and think should have/will/must do instead of enjoying your home and family.

Odd way of phrasing it. She means I wouldn’t do that. We all have things we think are worth spending money on - some people like takeaways, some acrylic nails etc. Ignore or turn around on her - you didn’t get brought up to spend money on nails/hd brows/meals out but you do.
There’s nothing like coming back in after cleaner been. 4 hours once a fortnight sounds perfectly normal to me. They do top to bottom - blinds, windows, skirting boats etc. You still clean in between but it’s not same as a full clean. I also find it makes everyone tidy up - cleaner coming is a deadline. You pay cleaner to clean so everything has to be tidy.

Oh and my cleaner is a man. Bloody brilliant at his job too.

@me4real Yeah, I can’t imagine being In 🤷🏻‍♀️If it was me I’d want to just get on with it with no one there

My last word on the subject is I doubt that many women began life with the desire to end up cleaning others people’s muck up.
I would like to know how many middle class women work as cleaners.

There are plenty of jobs that aren't particularly aspirational. Why are you so focused on cleaners rather than the many other blue-collar/pink-collar jobs that very possibly pay quite a bit less than a cleaner can demand for their work, that very few little girls dream of doing some day?

I've seen plenty of cleaners (male and female - as I say, love my duo) who have managed to build decent businesses for themselves. Mine gets £14/hour from me and I know she's booked pretty solid (and I know she charges some of her newer clients more.) She's clear that she enjoys being able to choose who she does work for and when she does it.

She also babysits my kids sometimes.

Is it more that you object to the idea of women not doing what you see as women's work in the home? Why is it worse to hire a cleaner than, say, a gardener or a nanny/childminder?

@Helendee

My last word on the subject is I doubt that many women began life with the desire to end up cleaning others people’s muck up. I would like to know how many middle class women work as cleaners.

Ohhh thats very nice of you.

I'm sure many didn't. But then how do they feed their kids? Especially if they are a lone parent.

Its all very well being moralistic about it, but its a job. A job where they can often be their own boss, can have hours of their own chosing (meaning they can fit it around school more easily) and you don't necessarily need qualifications for.

Not everyone has a life where they achieve at school. They may not aspire to be a cleaner. However it might be an option to them thats still better in practice than the alternatives available to them.

If there weren't jobs as cleaners, what do you think these people would be doing? How would they be paying the bills?

There is a fundamentally middle class attitude to banning the very idea of domestic cleaners, which misses the point that actually there are people for whom the job works well for them and their circumstances. Even if its not what they aspired to growing up.

By the same token we have refugees who had very middle class lives and careers, but war forced them to move and they've found themselves in menial jobs trying to restart because they don't have good enough languague skills and the relevant qualifications or ability to prove their experience in the UK. What they do have is the determination and desire to work. Should we be saying they would be better off not working?

I have admiration for anyone who has the pride to work hard in whatever they do. I'm realistic that not everyone can have a forfilling job as much as that sucks. I think that we should simply value and appreciate the work people do, rather than taking this moralistic approach about how certain jobs are 'lesser'.

The job of a cleaner is very much more needed than a lot of middle management bollocks jobs which supposedly have higher status.