‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’

[Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit]

What does this mean?

I have two amazing cleaning ladies who come for 4 hours every fortnight. They do what I call ‘The big clean’ the whole house, dusting, bathroom, windows, kitchen, hoover, mop, oven, fridge etc. In between this time I do the loos, kitchen everyday and hoover & mop a couple of times (stone tile floors)
I HATE cleaning, I have a toddler and work part time, I cook lots and don’t mind it, but cleaning isn’t my thing.
I’d rather pay money for cleaners and forgo a new outfit or a meal out, that’s how much I dislike it 🤣it’s impossible to do it with Dd around, plus I’d rather spend time with her than breaking my back cleaning.
Today, my mum said ‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’ she then began to list how she’d do the bathrooms one day, the downstairs the next etc etc..fine, but I don’t want to spend every day cleaning. She also said how she had 3 kids, not 1 🙄
I said how I’d rather spend some money on cleaners so we can enjoy our weekends in the sun (live abroad) and relax, rather than buying myself loads of new clothes or getting my eyebrows done etc (things she and my sister spend a fair amount on)
AIBU to have cleaners?!

[quote Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit]@TheLeadbetterLife I do, but I assume because I’ve only been part time since the birth of Dd, he’s full time 🤷🏻‍♀️
I’ve said to him, do we have cleaners or spend four hours on a Saturday doing the big clean ourselves, with a toddler running around…him upstairs, me downstairs for example..he very swiftly agreed 🤣[/quote]
Still a joint household decision, for which he is equally responsible. Point this out to your mum and tell her to take it up with him!

You do not need to jusitfy your decisions to your mother. But you are COMPLETELY RIGHT to say that you would rather free up those hours to things which are more valuable to you.

Plus you are providing gainful employment to people who need it and who have families to support. Would your mother have you deprive them of that just because she does not think it is quite right?

One of my friends moved abroad with the diplomatic service. (Her husband was the diplomat). She said to me how uncomfortable she felt having a house keeper and gardener full time. I asked her if she felt comofrtable depriving two people of their jobs in a developing country.

Looking at it that way she realised she did not feel comfortable depriving people of their jobs.

In other words (and using indeed far fewer words); It's simply none of her business.

@Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit

How much are cleaners charging around your way? 😳

@Essentialironingwater It’s Euros, so around £67 a month, their hourly rate is good one for where we are and some cleaners take it to 12/15 euros per hour, which is more than a teacher earns

[quote Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit]@Holly60 I know 🤷🏻‍♀️My dad said ‘But wouldn’t you prefer to spend that on a meal out’ no, I really wouldn’t 😅the drudgery of it all plus cooking, working, toddler life is too much. Don’t mind staying in more.[/quote]
Alright for your dad to say isn't it, since it sounds like he's not doing the cleaning either.

@Helendee
I’m not a feminist other than believing in equality for all and I struggle to understand how those who are don’t mind employing another woman to do their cleaning. Surely who want more for your sisters than them cleaning up mess?

My cleaners male so do I stop him cleaning because I want more for my brothers? It suits him as he can do childcare for the family. It suits lots of woman for the same reason. The way I look at it I am providing employment, would you rather they didn’t have a job?

I love having a cleaner, and I’m only part time too. I remember mentioning to my Mum that we were looking for a new one. She gave a little passive-aggressive sigh then said “well, if you think you can afford it...” 😂
To be honest, I like that there’s another pair of eyes on the place - it’s amazing what you don’t notice when you’re home lots.

100% with you op. You don’t need to justify why you have a cleaner, your house, your money, your choice.

@Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit

Have to say, it’s very common where we are, majority of houses on the street have cleaners and lots with gardeners too (normal street and houses) it’s possibly a lot cheaper than the U.K. so might be thinking I’m being extravagant? What’s the average hourly rate in the U.K.? I pay total €80 a month

My cleaner does 6 hours a month (90 minutes weekly) and I pay her £28 a session (which is a higher hourly rate than I am on!).

The only reason I said my mum was a feminist was because she believed in spreading the load fairly, so both me, my brother, and my dad were all taught to clean (my dad coming from a house where his mum did EVERYTHING for him, his brother and his dad) so we all had chores to do, and me and my brother got our pocket money if it was done. It wasn’t a question of girls doing the cleaning while the men and boys sat and relaxed. But she did have a problem with people who had cleaners, but not the cleaners themselves. She’d probably turn in her grave if I ever got one! But I’m single, middle aged, and have no kids, so I can understand why those who have other commitments use cleaners - it’s just not for me.

My FIL kindly let me know when I was a week post partum and had just had the cleaners by that he finds it very easy to clean his house. Then told me how to wash the floors and vacuum! I think maintenence cleaning is plenty if you're lucky enough to afford some extra help. I don't care to spend all of my leisure time doing chores, would rather spend that time with my husband and baby!

How is 4 hours every 2 weeks excessive? It’s c. 17mins per day. Sounds very reasonable.

OP does your mum raise the subject much? Can you just close it down as a topic?

I pay for a gardener but not a cleaner and now you’ve got me thinking, it’s a great idea and as you say frees you up for things you enjoy more or have better skills for. I’m not good at cleaning, it’s wrong to assume it’s not a specialist skills and we (women!?) are all just automatically good at it.

My parents are the same, shocked I have a cleaner. I’m the same as you, I’d eat jacket potatoes every day rather than give up my wonderful cleaner. She makes me happy! I’m sure it’s just jealousy…

@Blossomtoes When I do it myself…everything, it takes me around 5 hours-5 hours of hell 😩that is literally every bit of the house, windows, all dusting, all bedrooms dusted, bathrooms & toilets cleaned, all kitchen including fridge & oven, all hovering & mopping, plus outside front terrace bits. It’s a lot and I love it clean 😬

I think the going rate in the UK is £10-12ph so you are getting a good deal!

I would if I had the money! HATE cleaning.

@DGFB 🤣They make me so happy too, I’d gladly eat pasta and tuna for a few days to keep them. They come on a Friday and I just love the feeling of coming home on a Friday and it’s all lovely and fresh and done, with only washing or whatever to do at the weekend. Life’s too short

@felulageller I am compared to the U.K., but the wages here are much lower (ours included!) so they get a good wage

YANBU to have a cleaner, but I personally wouldn’t have one if we couldn’t afford it without having to sacrifice other things.

@SweatyBetty20 Yeah, before we had Dd and our lovely dog, the house was never a mess 🤣everything still in its place, cleaning was easy (still hated it) and that was after a 50 hr working week and so much time just for us..but now..eurgh, I’d rather play with my Dd or take her out with the dog or just anything than spend my time cleaning

@Helendee

I’m not a feminist other than believing in equality for all and I struggle to understand how those who are don’t mind employing another woman to do their cleaning. Surely who want more for your sisters than them cleaning up mess?

Crikey!

The cleaners I know are 50:50 men and women, many are Eastern European, learning English, taking equivalences in a wide variety of qualifications.

They earn a bloody fortune and earn every penny of it. I am always left in awe at the amount of work they get done, how little they miss and how chilled out and pleasant they are.

If YOU think it's a demeaning role then that might be because of your own bias.

I’m not a feminist other than believing in equality for all and I struggle to understand how those who are don’t mind employing another woman to do their cleaning. Surely who want more for your sisters than them cleaning up mess? My sister has a very good job thank you very much. As for women choosing to be cleaners, the fact someone is a woman doesn’t automatically make them “my sister” so other women are free to do whichever job they please. Oh, and men are just as free to do the same job.

What is all this “your sisters” crap anyway?

I don’t have a cleaner and I’ll admit it is a bit of a pride thing. But I do have a life-limiting illness and when I was fairly seriously ill and couldn’t manage to walk from my lounge to my kitchen without having to stop, my mum actually paid for me to have a cleaner every couple of weeks just to do the kitchen and bathroom and make a decent job.

And she likes cleaning, but if she could, she would probably have one.

I’m not a feminist other than believing in equality for all and I struggle to understand how those who are don’t mind employing another woman to do their cleaning. Surely who want more for your sisters than them cleaning up mess?

One of my cleaners is a bloke (husband and wife team) so does that make it ok?

But I also pay people to make me coffee and food, I pay a bloke to literally clean up shit in my house when the pipes break. I pay people to look after my kids.

By the way, you are a feminist. That's literally what it means.

Tell her that its nice of her to offer to do your cleaning for you for free then.

Then tell her you'd rather pay someone's wages and spend quality time with your daughter than spend a fortune on overpriced cosmetic products to indulge shallow ideas of beauty.

Then say, or you could butt out and let me live my life the way I want, as you raised me to live independently and have my own opinions and values.

5 hours to do the housework.