‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’

[Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit]

What does this mean?

I have two amazing cleaning ladies who come for 4 hours every fortnight. They do what I call ‘The big clean’ the whole house, dusting, bathroom, windows, kitchen, hoover, mop, oven, fridge etc. In between this time I do the loos, kitchen everyday and hoover & mop a couple of times (stone tile floors)
I HATE cleaning, I have a toddler and work part time, I cook lots and don’t mind it, but cleaning isn’t my thing.
I’d rather pay money for cleaners and forgo a new outfit or a meal out, that’s how much I dislike it 🤣it’s impossible to do it with Dd around, plus I’d rather spend time with her than breaking my back cleaning.
Today, my mum said ‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’ she then began to list how she’d do the bathrooms one day, the downstairs the next etc etc..fine, but I don’t want to spend every day cleaning. She also said how she had 3 kids, not 1 🙄
I said how I’d rather spend some money on cleaners so we can enjoy our weekends in the sun (live abroad) and relax, rather than buying myself loads of new clothes or getting my eyebrows done etc (things she and my sister spend a fair amount on)
AIBU to have cleaners?!

YANBU! I don't have a cleaner but my mum often comments if I say I haven't had time to do x and y around the house. I live on my own so there's no one to do the housework if I don't whereas she's always had my dad there for backup (although he does very little in the way of housework he does things like wash up and take the bins out), and she's not worked fulltime since before I was born so I feel she's not really got a grasp on the reality of my situation or appreciates that I might prioritise socialising or going to the gym over having an immaculately clean house!

@vodkaredbullgirl

5 hours to do the housework.

I know. This is a big house and it used to take my cleaner two hours. I’ve never done it in one fell swoop myself but if I did it definitely wouldn’t take five hours.

@JassyRadlett That’s exactly it, it’s another service, like anything else? I’m a teacher, I’m providing a service, I get paid for it, sometimes I babysit, I’m providing a service (incidentally I get a little less per hour than my cleaners do)

If my daughters have cleaners when they are my age I'll give them a high five and will sink into my chair comforted in the fact that they are OK and my job is done.

It is your money so you spend it as you wish!

My last word on the subject is I doubt that many women began life with the desire to end up cleaning others people’s muck up.
I would like to know how many middle class women work as cleaners.

@vodkaredbullgirl I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️I think it’s because it’s all tile/stone, so to vacuum everywhere and then mop the whole house in itself takes a long time. We only gave two bedrooms, but three bathrooms, so that’s a ballache! Isn’t a huge house, just average, but could be the set up of the houses here. But I am talking ‘Everything’ done

*Have

@Helendee

My last word on the subject is I doubt that many women began life with the desire to end up cleaning others people’s muck up. I would like to know how many middle class women work as cleaners.

Your last word? Ooooooh!

Again, you've missed the point. But if your focus is middle class women I can see why!

I think it's quite a European thing to be hung up about.

in another continents the norm is to have cleaners/nannies/cooks etc.
A friend lived in Bogotá for years, her cleaner also had a cleaner. nothing to it

@Helendee

My last word on the subject is I doubt that many women began life with the desire to end up cleaning others people’s muck up. I would like to know how many middle class women work as cleaners.

What about kitchen porters, hospital porters, janitors and bin collectors? All usually male. Are their jobs as demeaning and worthless as you apparently think cleaners' jobs are?

Or is it just that you see cleaning as a woman's job, and therefore think it is beneath you and all respectable women?

"You brought me up to appreciate that everyone is individual and can make informed decisions and I love you for it."

“I didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner”
“Ah well, I LOVE it!”

End

I laughed at your title. So your mums saying she bought you up to clean.

@Helendee

My last word on the subject is I doubt that many women began life with the desire to end up cleaning others people’s muck up. I would like to know how many middle class women work as cleaners.

Probably more middle class women do than middle class men, but I bet you'd be just fine with that...

Enjoying this thread, it has reminded me that when I bought my first dishwasher my mum said "well that's the height of laziness"

@Marriedtothesilverfox I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️What exactly does that sentence mean?!

She’s also said before ‘We didn’t bring you up to move abroad’ 😬🤷🏻‍♀️

She'd hate me then, our cleaner comes twice a week and it's fucking great.

@rainbowruthie 🤣

Nearly everyone I know has a cleaner regardless of whether they work/have kids.
I dont have one even though I hate cleaning I think because I know my DM would disapprove (even though she died years ago!)
I think I would feel embarrassed at how messy/dirty a cleaner might think my house was.

I finally got over my austere Presbyterian upbringing and got a cleaner last year. (My husband had no objection to having a cleaner, it was me who didn't think it was "right" to have one)
I'm annoyed that it took me this long to cave in.
Not only is the house much cleaner, it's also tidier

YANBU

My mum who has never had domestic help actually encourages me to get a cleaner and a gardener. I struggle to do it though, I feel self conscious about it for some reason. Probably because I didn't grow up with "staff" And I'm scared a cleaner would boss me about (pathetic )

Honestly, if my mum said that to me I'd reply "well you clearly failed in your parenting then, didn't you?" and just crack on...

What’s annoying is, both her and my sister spend probably a similar, if not higher amount on eyebrows/lashes/hair per month as I do. I’m not massively into that but don’t monitor what they spend their money on. My eyebrows will be bushy all over the place, but I’m coming home to a sparkling home 😅

I would like to know how many middle class women work as cleaners.

I don't know about other countries or other parts of the US, but where I live in the US, there are quite a few. It's a fairly easy job to work around childcare responsibilities. Many of these women (and a few men) have set up their own businesses; they may employ a few others (often friends) and they also do cleaning as well.