‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’

[Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit]

What does this mean?

I have two amazing cleaning ladies who come for 4 hours every fortnight. They do what I call ‘The big clean’ the whole house, dusting, bathroom, windows, kitchen, hoover, mop, oven, fridge etc. In between this time I do the loos, kitchen everyday and hoover & mop a couple of times (stone tile floors)
I HATE cleaning, I have a toddler and work part time, I cook lots and don’t mind it, but cleaning isn’t my thing.
I’d rather pay money for cleaners and forgo a new outfit or a meal out, that’s how much I dislike it 🤣it’s impossible to do it with Dd around, plus I’d rather spend time with her than breaking my back cleaning.
Today, my mum said ‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’ she then began to list how she’d do the bathrooms one day, the downstairs the next etc etc..fine, but I don’t want to spend every day cleaning. She also said how she had 3 kids, not 1 🙄
I said how I’d rather spend some money on cleaners so we can enjoy our weekends in the sun (live abroad) and relax, rather than buying myself loads of new clothes or getting my eyebrows done etc (things she and my sister spend a fair amount on)
AIBU to have cleaners?!

I actually think men are better at it (if they want to) because they have more physical strength and stamina

How much physical strength and stamina does housework need, ffs? What it really takes is a very high boredom threshold.

No you are not BU, I too hate housework and we had cleaners when kids were younger (I also worked PT plus 1hr commute).

We didn’t have one for a few years but got another 5/6 years ago when we got a dog!

I have just taken early retirement, DH still working but we still have cleaner and may continue even when DH finishes (we can afford it and, like you, I would prefer to pay for a cleaner than many other things 😂😂).

I do wonder if the cleaner thinks I am lazy now that I am retired, but we chose a day for her when I didn’t work so that I could take the dog out, and still do that now so don’t see her much! Plus I find dog walking much much preferable to cleaning.

She could also argue that you shouldn't have a dishwasher because she used to wash up by hand.
That you shouldn't have a mobile phone, because she used to only have a landline.
Just because she does all her housework doesn't mean that you have to follow suit, if you want to have a cleaner in that's up to you.

Next time she starts on -

"Grandma didn't bring you up to get your eyebrows done & buy loads of clothes."

Sorted.

If you can afford a cleaner, and you want a cleaner, you have a cleaner.
It is absolutely nothing to do with your mother.

@FinallyHere

can’t imagine needing a cleaner

It's not about needing a cleaner, it's about wanting my house to be clean with no effort required from me.

they wouldn't do it up to my standard

My initial instructions are that the house should be 'ready for a visit from my mother'. 's brilliant.

it’s a generation thing

If it's a generation thing, I expect it comes from the late forties / early fifties when women's magazines had an agenda to get women back in the home to free up jobs for the returning hero's, so women were re-focused on being house proud.

This

I have a cleaner twice a week and the joy I get walking into a sparkling house really makes me happy! I'd definitely give up other things to keep my wonderful cleaner. She does a better job than I do - lockdown was proof of that where I'd spend 5 hours on a Saturday just cleaning and still not get it looking as good as she did- I think it's definitely a cultural shift for some people -but with 3 kids and work it's worth every penny.

Definitely not unreasonable! I think I would have to say "well that's the beauty of being 32- I get to make my own decisions".

My dad and step mum couldn't understand my partner and I getting a dishwasher when we bought out first house. We just laugh about it- but in your case I guess it might be hard to see the funny side as "we didn't bring you up to..." sounds very judgemental and guilt tripping. Don't give in to her!

@Thisisnotreallymyname

If you can afford a cleaner, and you want a cleaner, you have a cleaner. It is absolutely nothing to do with your mother.

Yes!