‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’

[Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit]

What does this mean?

I have two amazing cleaning ladies who come for 4 hours every fortnight. They do what I call ‘The big clean’ the whole house, dusting, bathroom, windows, kitchen, hoover, mop, oven, fridge etc. In between this time I do the loos, kitchen everyday and hoover & mop a couple of times (stone tile floors)
I HATE cleaning, I have a toddler and work part time, I cook lots and don’t mind it, but cleaning isn’t my thing.
I’d rather pay money for cleaners and forgo a new outfit or a meal out, that’s how much I dislike it 🤣it’s impossible to do it with Dd around, plus I’d rather spend time with her than breaking my back cleaning.
Today, my mum said ‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’ she then began to list how she’d do the bathrooms one day, the downstairs the next etc etc..fine, but I don’t want to spend every day cleaning. She also said how she had 3 kids, not 1 🙄
I said how I’d rather spend some money on cleaners so we can enjoy our weekends in the sun (live abroad) and relax, rather than buying myself loads of new clothes or getting my eyebrows done etc (things she and my sister spend a fair amount on)
AIBU to have cleaners?!

@Helendee

I’m not a feminist other than believing in equality for all and I struggle to understand how those who are don’t mind employing another woman to do their cleaning. Surely who want more for your sisters than them cleaning up mess?

Its not ideal but the sisters are getting paid so they gain independence, it fits round school. Is low stress and rewarding if you like things clean? Its not for me either but i think i have trust issues and dont want strangers looking through my things and potentially being judgy ;£

can’t imagine needing a cleaner

It's not about needing a cleaner, it's about wanting my house to be clean with no effort required from me.

they wouldn't do it up to my standard

My initial instructions are that the house should be 'ready for a visit from my mother'. 's brilliant.

it’s a generation thing

If it's a generation thing, I expect it comes from the late forties / early fifties when women's magazines had an agenda to get women back in the home to free up jobs for the returning hero's, so women were re-focused on being house proud.

Your mum does not have to live your life. I am sure your daughter appreciate you being to spend more time with her and not stressing about cleaning every day like my mom used to do.

I've been thinking of hiring a cleaner myself. I don't have kids, but work fulltime and often times work is hectic and I am so knackered after work that the very thought of cleaning antyhing makes me want to through something through a window. I hate it a lot too.

I'd definitely have cleaners if I could afford it. I hate the drudgery.

I did all my own cleaning but one of my daughters has a regular cleaner ( works part time too). I think it makes such a difference to her life that it’s well worth the expense & keeps the home harmonious.

Pay no attention - you already have 2 jobs so why should you have to do all the housework as well - ignore her

YANBU.
Completely ignore these comments and carry on doing exactly what you want! Xx

Unless your mum is offering to stand in for the cleaner for free, her comment is just an example of completely useless, unsolicited advice and should be treated as such. Ignore.

OP don't feel guilty. I too would forgo many things before giving up my cleaner. I love her. I hate cleaning. We can afford it and as you say, I am not going to spend hours of my weekend doing it.

Could it be a class and a generational chip on the shoulder that your mum has?

I don't understand this competitive busyness people have, and the need to justify anything that makes your life easier. I mentioned a desire to get a cleaner to my oh's grandma and i got a big speech about how when she was a young woman she worked 9 hours in a bakery, came home cooked and cleaned for her dad and brothers then would go to her elderly poorly grandparents and see to them and not get home till midnight. And how her daughter (my Ohs auntie) is up at 5am to clean and do the shopping before going to work then doesn't finish work till 10pm...I was just thinking...and?

I dont 'need' a cleaner, I struggle to stay on top of the house with being self employed and working erratic hours, but I know realistically I do have the time to clean if I was more organized/motivated to do it, but if I have the money for a cleaner and it makes life easier then why not?

Surely it is your business if you have a cleaner or not.

I would not bother continue to explain your reasons to your Mum as it is your decision and your money.

You wish to employ a cleaner and she would rather spend her money at the beauticians.

I have cleaners, twice a week, £100 PW and worth every penny for the hour the house is tidy & spotless. That’s until the kids come home and trash the place again. I’m in northern UK & I suppose quite unusual for many in my area. None of my relatives have a cleaner. However, I would rather spend my time doing things that I either enjoy, helping out my elderly mum or just anything but cleaning as I hate it with a passion!!!

YANBU. And also you are employing people who are happy to have the work.

I'd love to have a cleaner especially as I am moving from part time to full time. I am concerned about security though. How do you ensure that you can trust people you allow into your home when you're not there? Does it affect the house insurance? How much per hour should I expect to pay? Would I be able to ask for the ironing to be done?

Genuine questions I'm outer London 4 bed 3 bathroom house.

I have taken early retirement and still have my cleaner for 2 hours twice a week. I hate housework. She changes sheets and duvet cover on child's bed each week too. When I worked full time for many years I needed a cleaner now I just want one and as long as I can afford it I don't see a problem. If my Mum was still alive she would say exactly what your Mum says. I know this because when she was alive she disapproved even though I was teaching and that takes a lot of prep time so little down time except in school holidays.

You are not a child anymore, so you are responsible for your own decisions. Your M needs to let go. She needs to respect your choices and not interfere. She wouldn't like it if somebody told her what to do.

If you earn more than about £15-20 an hour then it more than justifies having a cleaner.
If you were to take the time off your paid work to do housework, what would the cost of your own work be?
Plus.. even if you earn less, it’s still your money, your choice.
You can’t do everything so you have to look for you add the most value - e.g paid work, and the time you spend with your child and if you can afford help then go for it.

How does your having a cleaner affect your mother so much?! Seriously? Sounds like a bit of a narcissist tbh

She’s talking bollocks. One of my ‘ambitions’ in life is to be able to afford a regular cleaner. Frankly you are living the dream and good for you. You earn your money it’s up to you how it’s spent.

@wellstopdoingitthen

I'd love to have a cleaner especially as I am moving from part time to full time. I am concerned about security though. How do you ensure that you can trust people you allow into your home when you're not there? Does it affect the house insurance? How much per hour should I expect to pay? Would I be able to ask for the ironing to be done?

Genuine questions I'm outer London 4 bed 3 bathroom house.

South East London here and it’s generally about £15 an hour. May be a bit less or more depending on things like whether it’s cash in hand, or through an agency. Personal recommendations help with the trust issue, plus ‘gut feel’ I guess! Ironing may be offered at the same or a different rate, some cleaners are happy to do it, others aren’t. It’s a good idea to be home sometimes when the cleaner is there so you can talk to them about what you want them to do. In terms of insurance, if they will have a key and be there when you’re out it could have an impact, you’d need to ask your insurance company. Never thought of that tbh, luckily I’ve been lucky with all of my cleaners!

I can afford a cleaner but don't. I don't spend on beauty treatments or whatnots, I just prefer not to spend on cleaning. I find £15/hour (in my area) is simply outrageous. I have tried out before but none really justified it.

I don't like cleaning. Beauty of it is that DH has since started doing a lot more since I decided that it's not a woman's job. I actually think men are better at it (if they want to) because they have more physical strength and stamina.

@wellstopdoingitthen A lot of people ask cleaners for a recent DBS check nowadays. Or you could hire one through an agency where they do the check before they take the person on, so they can start straight away.

Ask them for whatever you want doing before they start the job, so they know what they're signing up for beforehand. Personally I charged minimum (now called 'living' for those over 23) wage, or maybe round it up a bit. So I'd probably charge £9 an hour nowadays, but if I were hiring a cleaner I'd probably pay them £10 an hour as it sounds less stingy. I'm not in London though.

@Helendee If you have cleaned and the money helped you, then I don't really see why you have a problem with people giving others that opportuniity you benefited from. I know it's not the ideal situation where everyone can be Elon Musk crossed with Zola Budd or whatever, but it is what it is and based on real world scenarios.

My mum (rip) told me that I ought to get a cleaner (not because it was particularly dirty but so I didn't have to do it). I was 26, no kids and lived alone. She was never able to afford a cleaner despite working full time. Your money, your choices.

My mum had a cleaner BTW and she's 74 now, so some women from that generation did too. She had to work full time to pay the family mortgage, as my dad was a loser who quit his job. Thinking about it he could've done the housework really, but maybe he would've felt it beneath him.