‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’

[Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit]

What does this mean?

I have two amazing cleaning ladies who come for 4 hours every fortnight. They do what I call ‘The big clean’ the whole house, dusting, bathroom, windows, kitchen, hoover, mop, oven, fridge etc. In between this time I do the loos, kitchen everyday and hoover & mop a couple of times (stone tile floors)
I HATE cleaning, I have a toddler and work part time, I cook lots and don’t mind it, but cleaning isn’t my thing.
I’d rather pay money for cleaners and forgo a new outfit or a meal out, that’s how much I dislike it 🤣it’s impossible to do it with Dd around, plus I’d rather spend time with her than breaking my back cleaning.
Today, my mum said ‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’ she then began to list how she’d do the bathrooms one day, the downstairs the next etc etc..fine, but I don’t want to spend every day cleaning. She also said how she had 3 kids, not 1 🙄
I said how I’d rather spend some money on cleaners so we can enjoy our weekends in the sun (live abroad) and relax, rather than buying myself loads of new clothes or getting my eyebrows done etc (things she and my sister spend a fair amount on)
AIBU to have cleaners?!

I do not clean for the cleaner, but I tidy so she can clean. Our house is big and cluttered. If she had to tidy as well no cleaning would every be done.

I was very disappointed observing male volunteers today. The area was divided into sections with a volunteer for each section. Part of the volunteer's duties are to tidy up and keep the area clean.

Every single male volunteer has a dirty, disorganised work area whilst they sat around drinking tea and coffee. The workstations led by most of the females were spotless. Only one female was chatting instead of getting on with her duties.

Cleaning? Oh yes. I do a bit occasionally. Every week or so. The house is messy but not verminous. Very over-rated.

'Our daughters' daughters will adore us...'

Too posh to polish??????

@Leedsfan247

Too posh to polish??????

Yanbu but I can’t imagine needing a cleaner with a part time job and only one kid.

Haven't read the whole thread, but we have a cleaner 2 hours a fortnight. We are just two adults, no kids. I value my time and like you absolutely hate cleaning. I don't even bother cleaning between her visits (other than kitchen surfaces). Haven't hoovered since she started.

My mom and dad have even talked about the idea of getting one for them as they love how much time they could save to do other things.

If you can afford it, what you spend you money on is your business.
I always joke I would live off rice and potatoes rather than give up our cleaner.

My mum said something similar although it was couched as "I wouldn't let anyone else clean my house because they wouldn't do it up to my standard". She grew up fairly poor, rural, working class and i think grew up with the idea that people with cleaners were in a different class and somewhat useless at keeping their own home. So, growing up we never had cleaners. We did however have a gardener and even a nanny for a while- that was OK. Cleaning lady was not.

@Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit You making your choice, to hire cleaners (right choice BTW) is making her question what she did in the past. However, she lived in a different time, so has a different viewpoint. Don’t JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain). Your time, your money, your life, enjoy

@Lokdok

Yanbu but I can’t imagine needing a cleaner with a part time job and only one kid.

it has NOTHING to do with needing. Why should someone who wants a cleaner have to justify it on the basis of need?

I love having a cleaner and aways do when I am working. I cook daily, not an issue. Scrubbing ruins my nails! If you can afford it is no one else's business and providing employment. I also buy marks food, expensive but no waste.

Op, spend your money on whatever you like
I have a gardener because I loathe gardening. It makes me feel itchy
I have a lady who does my ironing because I do not like ironing . It’s boring
I have a handyman because I don’t enjoy diy. It’s tiring

I don’t give AF about what people think about how I spend MY hard earned money

OP you are right and she is wrong!

Buying time is the smartest thing you can buy. Don’t throw your time away just to have more money to spend on crap. Extra time for yourself or your family is precious.

Also, the money you spend on a cleaner stays in your community, unlike spending on consumer goods.

Your mum has some old fashioned ideas. Some of which are pretty misogynistic when you interrogate them, but really typical of the older generation. Don’t take offence, just smile and crack on!

I think it’s a generation thing, my mum loved cleaning and housekeeping, she made all meals from scratch, looked after sick relatives and worked off and on throuout my childhood.

We are the sort of family that have the keys to each other’s houses (I’m fine with that never known any different) but when I moved out I kept coming home from work to find my house had been cleaned which did required me giving stern words not to do, took a bit of a cultural shift to get this stopped, most of my friends could see the issue of someone cleaning your house for free and when you weren’t home but it was the principal and for her own self as well. I miss her though

My mums like yours, bathrooms one day, kitchens the next etc. The other day my (needy) dad was going out for a whole afternoon. My mum gets no time to herself so I asked what she was going to do.

She was going to mop the whole downstairs without him getting in her way. She seemed thrilled about it.

Enjoy your cleaners. It sounds a great set up, and I just wish I had it too because I hate cleaning. It sounds as though you have plenty to keep you busy.

I hope my daughters can afford cleaners one day.

Are you sure she isn't my mother ? I know for a fact my mother calls me the posh one as i have a cleaner. She comes every two weeks and she is a god send. I would go without other things if i didn't have the money to pay her. Before Covid I worked long hours with a long commute so was exhausted by the weekend. Himself is self employed and works nearly 7 days a week so no help there( though he does his fair share) I hate spending my weekend cleaning. To me it feels a waste. When i come home on Friday after she has been i feel so good and the feeling of walking into a clean home is amazing. I also grew up in a house that my mother constantly cleans, never stopped and still doesn't. Nor did we have any down time. If heading off anywhere or someone coming the whole house would be scrubbed from top to bottom. I still go to her house and she is in her sixties on her knees scrubbing the floor. No thank you life is too short and needs to be enjoyed. If i was you wouldn't tell my mother anything or tell her to but out you can do what you want

Your house, your life, your rules.

Your money, your choice! You don't have to justify it to anyone.

You are not being unreasonable at all! I enjoy cleaning and would 100% have a cleaner if we had the money, we also have a toddler and cleaning is the bottom of my to do list, I would much rather watch our daughter grow

My mum had a cleaner when she worked full time it meant we could go away to our caravan every weekend, no need to stay home to catch up on house work. I had a cleaner when I was single and had a couple of lodgers. So much simpler than arguing about who's turn it is to clean the bathroom! it's taken me years to persuade my DH to get a cleaner as he wasn't brought up with having someone else in the house. But he wouldn't change it now, she does 3 hours a week and does all the ironing too. £30 a week well spent.

@Helendee

My last word on the subject is I doubt that many women began life with the desire to end up cleaning others people’s muck up. I would like to know how many middle class women work as cleaners.

I have a man that cleans my house. It’s his chosen profession for physical reasons and for the flexibility it offers him. I think it would be wrong of me to judge the work someone else chooses to do. He makes a very good living and turns away work, choosing his clients based on personality, location and house.

He’s great at it, and expresses pride in the houses he cleans and how nice he keeps them. He makes my life better.

@TheLeadbetterLife

I would love to have a cleaner, even though I have time to do it myself. I hate it. One day!

Also, though, do you have a (male) partner? Why is it assumed that you are the employer of the cleaners, not him, or the household as a unit? Because cleaning is your domain for some reason?

So true! Stand your ground x

Unfortunately I’m single mum of two and full time and can’t afford a cleaner so still have to clean every day but if I could afford a cleaner I would definitely have one. Not for the bedrooms but for everywhere else 😂

I totally understand your point of view. I do the same. I'm actually retired, but still do some online tutoring. I have my house thoroughly cleaned about once a month or so. I also pay to get the lawns and hedges cut. It's how I choose to spend money. I don't have beauty treatments and buy very few clothes. It's my choice and none of anyone else's business!