‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’

[Itsthendoftheworldasweknowit]

What does this mean?

I have two amazing cleaning ladies who come for 4 hours every fortnight. They do what I call ‘The big clean’ the whole house, dusting, bathroom, windows, kitchen, hoover, mop, oven, fridge etc. In between this time I do the loos, kitchen everyday and hoover & mop a couple of times (stone tile floors)
I HATE cleaning, I have a toddler and work part time, I cook lots and don’t mind it, but cleaning isn’t my thing.
I’d rather pay money for cleaners and forgo a new outfit or a meal out, that’s how much I dislike it 🤣it’s impossible to do it with Dd around, plus I’d rather spend time with her than breaking my back cleaning.
Today, my mum said ‘We didn’t bring you up to have a cleaner’ she then began to list how she’d do the bathrooms one day, the downstairs the next etc etc..fine, but I don’t want to spend every day cleaning. She also said how she had 3 kids, not 1 🙄
I said how I’d rather spend some money on cleaners so we can enjoy our weekends in the sun (live abroad) and relax, rather than buying myself loads of new clothes or getting my eyebrows done etc (things she and my sister spend a fair amount on)
AIBU to have cleaners?!

My grandmother shunned washing machines absolutely. She washed everything by hand and had a full time business that she ran.

Lovely but there is no way I'm ever washing anything by hand myself if I can help it. Times change.

Being a cleaner is a vital job. I don't know why some people think it's lowly and menial and think women are hypocrites for employing a cleaner. Employing a cleaner (or a childminder or a waitress or a cook) transfers 'women's work' from unpaid work to paid work. How is that an unfeminist thing to do?

My mum is the same, generational thing. She will pay £50 every 6 weeks for a hair cut and £3k for a 10 holiday though, go figure.

In my case it's because my grandmother was in service, as many girls were and I think there's an element of thinking it's exploitative

I pay £14 an hour per cleaner €80 is cheap

@Helendee

I’m not a feminist other than believing in equality for all and I struggle to understand how those who are don’t mind employing another woman to do their cleaning. Surely who want more for your sisters than them cleaning up mess?

I loved being a cleaner. I have had many jobs and that was easily my best. I chose hours to suit me, wore what I liked, listened to music and podcasts, physically active and moving around and I felt a real sense of completing something. SO much better than all the admin monkey jobs I've done where I feel trapped 9-5 mon-fri doing such pointless never ending tasks in stuffy offices in uncomfortable clothes where colleagues are bitchy bastards. And as a cleaner I earned more per hour.

I really can't understand why anyone values those jobs over cleaning. It's a kind of snobbery I think. I was more free as a cleaner than the wage slave I felt in an office job. I hate the Protestant work ethic where you make someone else rich at the price of your freedom and autonomy and I hate having a boss, so cleaning was great for me.

I have a cleaner now - who is my Mum. She was advertising to clean and mine left so it made sense. I pay her the going rate and she knows where everything lives. Win win. My Dad's my gardener, same deal really. Is having a gardener seen as bad too? or is that okay for some reason?

I pay holiday and sick pay too.

To those saying 4 hours is a lot to do a house, my Mum and I clean together 8 hours every week and it's still a pigsty. Some houses do take a lot more to keep clean.

Not unreasonable at all. We don’t have kids yet and still have a cleaner come for 4 hours every fortnight to do the big clean. We can afford it and saves us time to do things we enjoy. Few raised eyebrows from friends but honestly I know it’s due to jealousy more than anything.

no mum you brought me up to make my own mind up about things and though your opinion is interesting, its not how I do things

I grew up with a cleaner and an ironing lady. I wouldn't use these services now even if I could afford them. I find it unbelievable how many people I know who have relatively easy lives and seem to faint at the thought of cleaning their own homes

My mum is the same, generational thing

my mum had a cleaner back in the 70s, so not sure which generation it is?

Thank you for employing cleaners.I work as a cleaner,it is my job.I am sure you pay a fair wage and in return you get quality time with kids and a clean house.I suspect,your mother never had to work to get bread on the table.

I’d feel like her of mine decided they didn’t want to clean their own home I have to admit. They have seen us both share work, parenting and running a household so know it’s possible to do so hopefully will follow the same route.

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss what on Earth are you about? Following the route of not having cleaners? Get a grip!

I call them fairy godmothers. To walk into a spotless home is just lovely whenever they've waved their Mag wands

ha! yes! the boomer attitude!

Bullshit.

You know what's a true Boomer attitude? Second-wave feminism, that's what.

I do think not employing a cleaner is a Boomer generation thing. Both my grandmothers (born 1910) had staff but my mother (proper Boomer, born 1947) didn't, then I had cleaners at University in the 90s. In the 70s and 80s there was much greater wage equality than there was earlier in the century or indeed now which made cleaners more expensive in real terms. Mum was privately educated, had a profession and is as MC as they come but still doesn't really like the idea of having staff, she told me I had 'ideas above my station' when I spoke about wanting a housekeeper.

Oh, and 4h a fortnight isn't masses really. We have a 4 bed house with 3 bathrooms and 2 sitting rooms and our cleaner takes 4h a week to clean it. It would take me much longer, but having the cleaner means we tidy it regularly.

God I'd love a cleaner.

My mother would also be mortified if we got a cleaner. But I think that would stem from her feeling like it was a job that only people with limited options would do - a lot of her generation would have had that mindset. As well as that, there was a lot of shaming for the women who didn't keep a sparkling house - whether that was due to them being unwell, overworked elsewhere, unsupportive spouse etc it was always put down to being a slattern and lazy.

These days though, cleaning is a business. It gives people the freedom to choose their own client base, charge their own fees and choose their own hours to suit their families. Many of us would love that kind of flexibility from our employer.

DM also thinks a dishwasher is lazy. But then I see her washing plates with lukewarm grimy water with a tiny squirt of soap and wiping them dry with a tea-towel that's wiped many other things that day and think it's minging. I do the same at the sink with the dishes as she does before putting them in the dishwasher so I'm actually doing more with the dishes. Yet I'm the lazy bugger who uses a dishwasher.

Sounds like my mil 🙄 just carry on, your money, your life!

@JaninaDuszejko

I do think not employing a cleaner is a Boomer generation thing. Both my grandmothers (born 1910) had staff but my mother (proper Boomer, born 1947) didn't, then I had cleaners at University in the 90s. In the 70s and 80s there was much greater wage equality than there was earlier in the century or indeed now which made cleaners more expensive in real terms. Mum was privately educated, had a profession and is as MC as they come but still doesn't really like the idea of having staff, she told me I had 'ideas above my station' when I spoke about wanting a housekeeper.

Oh, and 4h a fortnight isn't masses really. We have a 4 bed house with 3 bathrooms and 2 sitting rooms and our cleaner takes 4h a week to clean it. It would take me much longer, but having the cleaner means we tidy it regularly.

Lets keep in mind how many women were on Valium in the 60’s, they were even nicknamed mother little helpers. If you have to be on benzodiazepines to get through it can’t have been that easy.

Also there is a lot of looking back with rose tinted glasses.

@Helendee

I’m not a feminist other than believing in equality for all and I struggle to understand how those who are don’t mind employing another woman to do their cleaning. Surely who want more for your sisters than them cleaning up mess?

There are male cleaners too you know! Also, nothing wrong with one woman employing another as a cleaner unless you have an in-built attitude that there is something demeaning about being a cleaner. Good honest work is nothing to look down on. And btw I'm a feminist too.

I loathe cleaning too. I think that secretly my mum thinks I am lazy because I have a cleaner and she sees herself as a better housewife because she bust a gut keeping the house clean when I was little. However, she used to yell at us for getting crumbs on the floor and was constantly hovering with a damp cloth whenever we were doing anything. It was pretty unpleasant and I kind of understand because it was all her hard work that was, to her mind, being ruined. So I prefer to have someone else do it and then not scream at the kids for leaving water drips in the sink etc

I worried about telling my mum 20 years ago when I first got a cleaner
She was a SAHM and was/is very House proud
In the end she was absolutely fine,said she understands I am running my own business (and am rubbish at housework)
At the next family party I heard her telling my aunts what a great idea it was

I would just wind your Mum up "I would so much rather play with DC and give her my everything than clean the house"

It is a different generation. I have 2 kids and work full time, I got a but I a cleaner when I was part time. I agree with your approach. Ignore the comments and enjoy the free time it gives you.

It is not a luxury for some people as lots of people work really long hours, your mother is perhaps slightly envious I imagine. Certainly mine is, she hated housework and would love to have had a cleaner!

@RandomMess

I would just wind your Mum up "I would so much rather play with DC and give her my everything than clean the house"

Or ‘Gosh, I’d much rather stride round a boardroom pontificating and frightening the new take of interns than clean.’ Or ‘I’d rather cut my own head off than clean.’