To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

@Theloftmonster

Why are the disabled community expected to campaign for extra disabled loos rather than parents being expected to campaign for family friendly toilets?

You do not use the disabled toilet unless you are disabled or it is also an allocated baby change area.

I think that as parents are only parents of young children for a short number of years, they think it isn't doing any harm to just nip in and use someone else's toilet and space on the bus etc.

Then their kids grow up and it is no longer on their radar, there is a new set of parents of young kids and they repeat the cycle.

For them it is a small short term issue, for us it is our entire lives.

I've realised my post isn't very kind, sorry. Her rudeness isn't acceptable and I hope you are feeling OK about the whole incident.

The loos are parent friendly, they just aren’t pram friendly. Many places are pram friendly, because of the campaigning done by people who use wheelchairs and mobility aids. The added extra to that was that parents choosing to use prams were able to wheel them in and out of more places without collapsing them. But parenthood and pram use is usually more of a choice than a disability, and comes with far more options, choices and privileges. Parenthood doesn’t equal being a pram user in the same way that being disabled doesn’t mean being a wheelchair user, so it’s not accurate to say loos aren’t parent friendly.

@IceandIndigo

YANBU! Disabled toilets are for disabled people. I’m astonished by the number of posts arguing otherwise. It’s pretty unlikely the second mum had a hidden disability given she pointed to the pram as her reason for needing the disabled loo.

Honestly, I’m sympathetic to parents needing better facilities but disabled people face WAY more barriers in society than parents.

Hmmm, well I can see perfectly well how pointing to a pram could indicate all manner of birth injuries, never mind the fact that she needed to change the baby

YANBU. It’s another example of disability adjustments being expected to cover other groups (e.g. changing facilities in the disabled loo and using the disabled loo for a gender neutral space.. both of which lead to disabled people waiting and waiting for much needed facilities.) Yes we need more disabled loos but we also clearly need facilities for other groups - the burden shouldn’t just be shoved into the already over burdened disabled facilities.

I think the issue arises when the toilets are called "disabled toilets" when they are actually for the use of anyone who can't use the normal toilets, for what ever reason, which might or might not be disability, or medical conditions

YABU. Standard toilets rarely have space to navigate a pram into them through various doors, tight spaces, corners etc. and I won't be putting a young child on a toilet floor thank you. Nor would be peeing or changing a menstrual cup in front of others. Is it ideal? No. But in the absence of other options it's reality.

@PlanDeRaccordement

I voted YABU purely because how would a disabled tourist know about radar locks and have ability to unlock them? Aquariums aren’t just for local population. You will have international disabled tourists who could need them.

Every disabled toilet with a radar key I have seen to date, has a sign saying our staff will open this door for you, just ask.

It just stops the chancers, who could use the ladies/mens toilets but can't be bothered. Most people who need the disabled toilet will carry their own radar key. Those who don't have the option to ask staff to open it for them, including tourists.

Although I can see your point I dont think anyone should have to pee with a toilet door open in a public place. I've had to take the pram into a disabled toilet before when I needed to go. Felt slightly guilty but that was the only choice available to me without leaving the door open.
I also agree changing tables should be in a "family toilet" not a disabled one, and would happily help campaign to try help change legislation for this to happen.

I'm pretty shocked that so many think it's ok to use a disabled toilet. Obviously in a minority here but disability isn't an option/choice for those affected. There aren't nearly enough toilets dedicated to those with impairments. To expect someone to wait for a family to all use the toilet is really sad. It's admittedly a difficult situation for parents with pushchairs but it just comes across as so entitled.

She was rude for rattling the door and making out her need was greater due to having a pram.

She should have waited her turn like everyone else who needed to use the facility had to.

And having a radar lock is pointless and people just buy the keys off the internet apparently!

YABU to want to prevent people from using the loo - but she was rude!
If there were 3 disabled toilets and all occupied would she have yelled at people to hurry up? ESPECIALLY considering that the occupant is likely to have special needs and so will take a bit longer.

Woman do campaign for space for prams and their rights

I complained to my local large supermarket and they

You say the disabled access toilet is the only one you can use well it is also the only one I can use safely and with dignity. Should I leave my child outside and alone? Should I leave a door open while on my period? No

And having a radar lock is pointless and people just buy the keys off the internet apparently!

Yep, anyone can buy one from Amazon.

YANBU OP.
To me It's in the same territory of non-disabled drivers parking in disabled spots.

Also aren't they usually called accessible toilet ie accessible to those who can't use a regular small cubicle.....

This isn't the same as the bus space as if you come on your period etc you can't just wait until you are home. In order to properly see your child you need the door fully open. You can't hold multiple small children. Women deserve dignity, and I say this as someone who has IBS attacks that mean I need to go to the toilet 20 secs after I get the warning.

People with disabilities are mums too. I had a tracheostomy in when DC was a baby. Wore a scarf over it so it wasn’t obvious. Sometimes it blocked and I needed privacy to remove tube, clean it, sometimes clean trachy itself - blood and mucous. So yes I’d go in disabled loo. No idea how you get a radar key. My condition meant I couldn’t walk upstairs so I’d use lift too. Got crappy looks sometimes. Taught me a lot about not judging people.

Thank you for posting. I have to say I am guilty of going into the disabled toilet with my baby and toddler but I am as quick as possible. But you have made me think twice about doing it. I guess my justification is its hard to stop the toddler running off in the main toilets with the door open.

We have a tourist attraction near us (lovely garden) and the first toilets after the admission are two disabled/baby changing areas. The amount of people with out babies I see coming out - I do give them a 'look'

For those saying they wouldn't use a cubicle with a door open - if there isn't an alternative then this is fine. Much easier for us to do this then make a disabled person wait too long to use the bathroom

7% of students at my local mainstream primary have declared they are autistic, add in wheelchair users, those with chrones etc there's a lot of people in society who are entitled and going to need to use the disabled loo so I'm not surprised the door kept rattling.

As someone who is autistic and often needs to use the disabled loo I can understand your frustration with these spaces being so busy.

We know nothing about this woman and maybe she was stressed out and due to disability reasons this effected her ability to make her point. She might be embarrassed and trying to hide her disability, thus, focusing on being a mother,

Mothers can be the best friend of those in a wheelchair in relation to campaigning for accessibility as they help to normalise the need for ramps etc. Instead of making it a them against us type scenario why don't you use this as an opportunity to discuss accessibility in the wider sense and highlight the need for more disabled toilet spaces instead of trying to exclude non-disabled mothers and making their plight worse?

@Corrag

And having a radar lock is pointless and people just buy the keys off the internet apparently!

Yep, anyone can buy one from Amazon.

When I found that oh I was

When we got given one for ds we had to have a letter from the consultant which we had to take to the council office and fill out a form.

All this with my disabled ds in tow when I could have sat at home and ordered off the internet which is much easier ( but I don't agree they should be for sale)

www.boots.com/blue-badge-co-radar-disabled-toilet-key-10233348

You can buy a radar key in boots.

But you do have a choice, you can choose to use a normal cubicle, shut the door and leave the baby outside for a minute, you can take the baby out of the pram and take them in the cubicle with you, you can ask someone else to watch the baby, you can ask someone else to watch the pram, you can choose not to use/take a pram with you. The same isn’t true of many people with disabilities. In many cases you are taking the only loo they are physically able to use, not the one that’s a bit less awkward.

@stripedbananas

YABVU

it's these mothers with prams and lots of DC in tow who will predominantly be using the facilities at the aquarium. Talk the aquarium and ask them to build suitable facilities for those parents so that they no longer are forced to use the disabled toilets.

I actually can't believe you'd want the special lock put on to stop them using it. Fair enough if it was a public toilet in a shopping centre or something but not an aquarium which is full of parents juggling small children. All you had to do was wait till they'd finished.

Disabled toilets are for disabled people, whether they are in a shopping centre or an aquarium.

I think maybe it would be good to be a bit more positive and say you understand that sometimes families find the facilities in the ladies\gents inadequate, but this means the disabled toilet is being overused and making life harder for disabled people who need it, and you would like to suggest improved facilities for both families and disabled people.