To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

the OP was wrong to try and refuse the mum and baby entry to the accessible toilet yes?

Total misrepresentation of the the OP. She did not try to deny anyone entry. In fact, it was almost the reverse - the mother with pram was trying to hurry OP up, trying to cut Op short.

Please read more carefully.

@Winemewhynot I haven't contradicted myself. You have mis quoted repeatedly, tried to argue points which you can't back up and failed. You then resorted to name calling when you couldn't make a reasoned response.

That comment was not about any one particular person, it was about posters on this thread openly admitting that they rely on accessible facilities when they are out.

Only when there are no other viable options. And since we can all (mostly) agreed that no one should wet themselves, leave a baby unattended, or lose their dignity and use a toilet with a door open - this seems like the sensible option currently until/unless parents with prams are appropriately catered for at all venues.

Thing is, though, that people with disabilities and the charities and organisations which advocate for them, campaigned long and HARD to have what few facilities there are.

What are parents doing to organise pressure on public businesses and organisations - as well as the legal requirements- to advocate for decent parent/child facilities?

It’s not good enough to use the ONLY facilities that someone such as @Worrysaboutalot as a wheelchair user can use. Many people with physical disabilities or mobility issues have specific and urgent needs around lavatories - the use of disabled loos by others who DO have alternatives may cause them to “wet themselves.” And they live with their conditions every.single.day for the rest of their lives. Not just for the few years of pushing a pram.

@ShortBacknSides

Thing is, though, that people with disabilities and the charities and organisations which advocate for them, campaigned long and HARD to have what few facilities there are.

What are parents doing to organise pressure on public businesses and organisations - as well as the legal requirements- to advocate for decent parent/child facilities?

It’s not good enough to use the ONLY facilities that someone such as @Worrysaboutalot as a wheelchair user can use. Many people with physical disabilities or mobility issues have specific and urgent needs around lavatories - the use of disabled loos by others who DO have alternatives may cause them to “wet themselves.” And they live with their conditions every.single.day for the rest of their lives. Not just for the few years of pushing a pram.

I'm not all parents l, obviously, so I don't know what "parents" are doing. But I have said a few times what I personally plan to do going forwards so feel free read my other posts about that. In the meantime, assuming nothing is likely to change in the very immediate future, I will have no choice in some places and in some situations where I am alone with a pram to use whatever facility I need to if I'm out and I need the toilet. Because my dignity and privacy and baby's safety are things I highly value and I shouldn't have to apologise nor be deemed "entitled or selfish" because of that.

To be very honest I don’t know what was so bad about someone trying the door handle? I sometimes do that as it’s not always clear if a stall is occupied.

Surely that’s not such a big deal?

Sorry in advance if I’ve been insensitive or done something I shouldn’t have by trying the handle. But I can’t see what was so bad about that? The door was locked?

To be very honest I don’t know what was so bad about someone trying the door handle? I sometimes do that as it’s not always clear if a stall is occupied.

Please read the first post.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.

If you do this you are incredibly annoying. If anyone did this to me I would have a few things to say!

I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect a mum or dad to leave their baby or toddler unattended in a public toilet, or to use said toilet with the door open.

Neither of those scenarios sound very safe and I really do think every human is entitled to dignity whilst using the bathroom.

I do understand that disabled toilets are for disabled people, however as a disabled person myself I’d rather mums and dads use them to ensure their children are safe as opposed to leaving them unattended where anything could happen to them. It only takes a second for a child to be snatched or hurt.

On my period and with my baby in a pram, I won’t be doing this:

Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

One of my brothers, who’s in a wheelchair, would tell me not to be daft and to use the disabled/accessible toilet.

To be fair it might not have been the same person rattling the handle. People might have been trying it to see if it were free then deciding to come back later

my mistake. I read that as someone rattled the handle and she called out once.

I do sometimes try the handle and I’ve been worrying I was doing the wrong thing since. As I thought was clear from my post.

And yes. As pp said it might not have been the same person. How does the op know it was? Maybe they went away and came back or maybe it was different people?

Well if it wasn’t the same person then that really does show how lacking the facilties in this place are if their is such a constant stream of people trying to get in

@Sirzy

Well if it wasn’t the same person then that really does show how lacking the facilties in this place are if their is such a constant stream of people trying to get in

100%. But that’s still not answering why I was such a big deal that the handle was tried.

Someone with a visual impairment for example may not be able to see that the toilet is occupied.

It might have been different people.

Disabled toilet provision is rubbish in a lot of places for sure and there might be a wait which isn’t ideal but I’m not sure how you solve that - other than more toilets which is the obvious answer but places don’t want to do that for some reason. Probably economics.

Cripes, this thread.

Most posts are putting views across respectfully, but some people seem absolutely gleeful proclaiming well I'll use them anyway as a gotcha to people who possibly are disabled. Gross.

As gross as watching some one doing their business with the door wide open in a public bathroom? No I thought not.

I have been one of those mums who has had to use the toilet whilst leaving my baby outside the toilet door because I was alone with him and just couldn’t bear the thought of doing my business with the door open.
I felt hugely anxious and incredibly guilty towards my child for the rest of the day.
But according to some here, if I had used the disabled toilet for the 2 minutes it took to pee and wash my hands, I would have been selfish. I should shut up and choose between peeing in public or risking my baby’s safety . Completely agree with everything @sofiegiraffe says.

@LaBellina

Exactly - there's absolutely no consideration for how that might make a mother feel to have to do either of those things, either leave baby out of sight or leave the door open while they use the toilet. It's almost as though that is being completely ignored and you're expected to just either give up your right to privacy and dignity or leave a small baby in harm's way. And the level of anxiety and distress that is likely to cause for mums is literally inconsequential, apparently. Unbelievable.

@Winemewhynot your deleted post was a little more descriptive. Please don't project your failings on to me.

The OP was initially trying to be helpful in telling her that there isn't any baby changing facilities in there.

You remind me of that man in the titanic film that holds up a child and says "I have a child" in order to get in a life boat.

Yes indeed @sofiegiraffe. It doesn’t surprise me though. I often see even on MN that there’s very little consideration for how difficult it is sometimes for single mums taking their babies / small children out. I absolutely don’t want to compare this to the difficulties disabled people face every day btw, they have it much, much more difficult than anyone who is able bodied probably can imagine. But saying that under no circumstances should an able bodied mum use the disabled toilet is very black and white IMO.

@Winemewhynot

Nope, just the kind of person who can take care of my children and myself including our dignity whilst considering and empathising with the needs of others.