To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

The fact that she actually waited for the disabled toilet become available suggests she felt she had no alternative. This clearly isn't the same as somebody who waltzed into the disabled just because it was the first door they came to.

Our local department store used to have two toilet cubicles behind a door with a sliding lock at the end of the stalls. I always went there as I could lock the door and have my pram in view as I could keep the cubicle door open. Sadly the store has shut but I think it could be a solution for other stores potentially.

@nocoolnamesleft

Jesus. Poor OP. YANBU. But this site seems to have very little understanding of the rights, and needs, of the disabled.

YANBU.
I used to do the same as you suggest. Has three ages four and under so used the furthest cubicle with the door open to ensure I could keep an eye on all three kids.
Fenced myself in with pram.

At least it isn't coupled with baby change facilities like many are.
But yeah radar key should be used.

@lljkk

Radar keys are cheap on ebay. They aren't only available to disabled persons.

Honest question: do most disabled people reliably 100% carry a radar key? Is this just another barrier (thing to remember) to make toilets accessible?

Those toilets are supposed to be disabled access not disabled reserved.
They count in the total toilet allocation for all humans on the premises.

Door rattling was uncalled for, I understand OP finding that annoying... but it happens in regular non-disabled-access loos, too, people just rattle at the door.
Sounds like OP sniped first.

I agree with the idea of disabled access not disabled reserved. There are times when there’s been a huge queue and I have used a vacant disabled toilet. Facilities are so varied we should exercise a bit of common sense. Also, a lone parent with a child of the opposite sex who needs supervising should be able to take them into an accessible loo.

@kendodd, for me it’s urge incontinence of the bladder and bowel. The stress and worry of leaking out of an already full pad whilst trying to swiftly undress and transfer to the toilet is immense. Literally every second counts. Oddly queuing makes it even harder, knowing I’m so close!

A business like this is unlikely to put a radar key on an accessible toilet.

Doesn't the disabled toilet just mean that there are facilities that disabled people can use ... not that only disabled people are allowed to use them?

Imagine the news headlines if a child was snatched because they were left unattended in a public toilet...

@LouNatics really you expect me to habd my baby to some strabger to watch. Yes it would be lovely if we lived in a society where that was safe but we don't.
You can not compare helping someone with some shopping with handing my child over to a strange while I go behind a door and have my knickers round my ankles!!

So many people seem to be missing that accessible toilets are there for anyone who struggles to access small cubicles.

Woman are not trying to take away toilets from disabled people they are simply trying to access facilities which have been put in place for those who need them. I am sure many mothers supported the campaign for accessible toilets. Yes there are some chances but the way some people seem to think dealing with periods with an open door, holding a baby on lap while peeing or leaving a baby with a stranger are options and choices is madness.

When I'm out with our autistic 12yo son, I use the disabled toilet - it's not safe to leave him on his own outside the ladies toilets; it's not appropriate for me to take a 12yo boy into the ladies toilets and into a cubicle with me. So I have to take him into the disabled with me, and hope that he doesn't pull the emergency cord while I'm otherwise occupied

And when he needs to go, it's the disabled toilet again - except what you won't see is that he's already gone and is wearing pads, so I need ample space to remove his shoes and trousers and change the pad.

We have a genuine need to use disabled toilets, and yet I still feel guilty when I come out that I might have held up somebody with IBS or Crones that is desperate to get into the facility. We can wait, but we can't come out halfway through.

@LammasFires

It’s rather sad that all the stuff we campaigned for 30 years ago has lead to an increasing number of self-centred, solipsistic women who trample the disabled under their designer wheels. The same ones that occupy wheelchair spaces on buses and shriek if someone uses a P&C space without a child. Horrible women.

I have a bog standard second hand pram, never go on buses and have no strong feelings about p&c parking spaces. Still want to use the toilet in private and don't feel comfortable leaving baby out of my sight. Would absolutely let anyone else use the disabled/accessible toilets ahead of me and would be as quick as humanly possible but I'm still not going to wee with the door open and nobody will convince me that I should be doing so.

Disabled don't trump mother and children and vice versa. Baby changing facilities are often put in disabled loos because of the pram issues.

Last summer a lady left her pram outside the cubicle while she sorted out her toddler. It was stolen.

There needs to be 2 lots of disabled loos. One which is accessible and has space for a wheelchair and one for all other disabilities including hidden ones.

I am feeling worthless and hated. I can never go to the aquarium again without a deliciated toilet. Another thing to cross of our lists.

Horrible that you're feeling like this OP.

But is it really so bad? There is a toilet you can use. I'd guess that if you work to a two-hour schedule you can at least time your visit. And there's never a guarantee that the cubicle will be empty when you need it, so it would be prudent to allow a few minutes waiting time.

I hope you get a sympathetic response to your letter.

@SpongebobNoPants

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else do

Please tell me you’re joking? I’m sorry you felt annoyed at people also wanting to use the facilities but you can’t surely expect women to go to the toilet with the door open in a public place

The whole disabled toilet issue is a sodding nightmare...I copped a mouthful a few times through the door from mothers who felt entitled to use the disabled toilet because they had a pushchair. Always a joy to wheel out in my wheelchair while pushing my 3 month old in her pushchair. However not one of them had the decency to apologise - I took a while in the loo because it takes time to get in and out of the chair and also change a baby. The entitlement of some mothers is utterly outrageous, especially the one who told me people like me shouldn't be out in public and certainly shouldn't be having children. Funnily enough I didn't think a broken hip was a genetic disease.

Disabled toilets are NOT there to make life easier for women with kids. No. They are for disabled people.

I wish there were a law that anywhere with enough space, that served the public, had to provide accessible facilities for parents, too. Not just women with babies - what about dads with little girls? It could also calm the whole trans/nonbinary snafu if a toilet were available for anyone who needed it, AND a disabled loo (preferably one that is truly equipped to support all disabled people, so to Changing Places standards).

Perhaps we should campaign for that provision - and not co-opt that intended - after staunch campaigning and no little effort was exerted - for those who are disabled?

@MrsSkylerWhite

Today 21:28 Acarp

MrsSkylerWhite
Theloftmonster

Why are the disabled community expected to campaign for extra disabled loos rather than parents being expected to campaign for family friendly toilets?

You do not use the disabled toilet unless you are disabled or it is also an allocated baby change area.“

In the meantime, women must use lavatories with the door open?
Well they shouldn't be using disabled toilets anyway.“

Sorry Acari, don’t get your point. Are you saying that new mothers should be expected to use the regular lavatories and leave the door wide open?

I don't know what they should do, but they shouldn't be using the disabled toilets if they are not disabled.

I doubt there is a single person on this thread who knows whether the woman with the pram had a hidden disability. And if she did, maybe she wasn’t comfortable sharing that with you so gestured to the pram instead when you felt the need to point out the lack of changing facilities in there.

What would have happened if another wheelchair user was in the toilet for a prolonged period when you hit the 2 hour mark?

Just wanted to say, I have IBS.
Have had to endure sniggers and disparaging comments from other users of ladies toilet facilities, where the toilets are in low, particle board toilets.

I tend to use the disabled toilet , where I can, so that I can deposit my arse spraying mayhem without comment.

I'm sorry that I use this toilet as I'm not actually disabled, but I'm too embarrassed to share my foul squirtings with other people.

That being said, a disabled toilet isn't a family free for all for entitled twats.

"There needs to be 2 lots of disabled loos. One which is accessible and has space for a wheelchair and one for all other disabilities including hidden ones."

You need disabled loos which enabled adults and older children to be changed instead of trying to change them on the floor of a standard accessible toilet or not being able to go to places.

@copernicium

Doesn't the disabled toilet just mean that there are facilities that disabled people can use ... not that only disabled people are allowed to use them?

Imagine the news headlines if a child was snatched because they were left unattended in a public toilet...

That has always been my understanding too. Disabled loos are accessible, but not exclusive.

I used to attend a community workshop place, and the disabled loo and ladies were one and the same. A male member complained about it... because it was too "pink" (walls were pink in there).

@Worrysaboutalot "My kids have had such a hard year, I have let them down in so many ways this year."

OP - reading this line in one of your posts resonated so clearly with me. I've spent the past 3 years trying to come to terms with a health condition that has led to me being disabled. I too feel that I have let my children down because of all of the things I am unable to do. Somebody recently told me: "You're not unreliable, your health is," and I'm trying very hard to hold on to that.

I have no words of wisdom for you, but wanted to offer you a hug and a hand-hold.

My local sports centre doesn’t have a toilet that you can physically wheel your pram into other than the disabled one.
It’s not a case of refusing to use the cubicle with it ajar - which I have done in lots of places, this particular toilet you cannot physically navigate a pram around a super tight corner which includes a double door (one after the other), so essentially unless you leave the pram literally outside the entrance to the toilets then you have to use the disabled if you are on your own.

The baby change does not have a toilet in it but that’s a whole other stupid story.

Long story short, I appreciate its frustrating but it’s also not always the case that able bodied people are taking the piss (sorry for the pun ) - sometimes people just find themselves having to make do with what they are presented with.

If you can’t get into the loos to discover the lay out and situation then it’s probably not fair to assume people are just taking massive liberties.

Like what if that woman was heavily bleeding and didn’t want to have to deal with a heavy soaked pad etc with the door “ajar”

I get your frustration OP but it’s not always black and white and not all people who appear to be blatantly taking advantage, are.

I really don't think people don't care about you. If there is a queue of mothers, I really, really hope they'd let you go first. The lady rattling the door today was unkind and I hope her reaction was embarrassment rather than being a genuinely nasty person.

Please don't stop going to the aquarium. You sound like a great mum, trying her best and your kids sound fantastic too.

@Sleepyblueocean

"There needs to be 2 lots of disabled loos. One which is accessible and has space for a wheelchair and one for all other disabilities including hidden ones."

You need disabled loos which enabled adults and older children to be changed instead of trying to change them on the floor of a standard accessible toilet or not being able to go to places.

What we need is more" changing places" for disabled adults and children however thats a whole different thread.