To ask Aquarium to put a radar lock on the disabled toilet

[Worrysaboutalot]

We went to a large aquarium centre today for DC2’s birthday. It was very busy with many families enjoying the centre. We had a great day out

As I am in a wheelchair, I have no choice in which bathroom I can use, I had to use the disabled toilet.

I had to wait until a mother and a couple of younger kids came out of the disabled toilet which surprised me. As it looked unlikely that any of the younger kids would need nappies.

Then I went in this was a dedicated disabled (not accessible) toilet with no baby change facilities! I do understand that the first mother might have an invisible disability, as might her children. So thought no more on it.

All the time I was in, the door handle was being rattled and I kept calling out that the toilet was occupied, which was frustrating.
When I left and an impatient mother with a pram was waiting to go in. I told her that there was no nappy changing facilities in that toilet, assuming she wanting to change the baby. But she snapped at me that she was a mother and had to use this toilet gesturing to the pram.

I felt that this second mother was just entitled and rude. Having a pram doesn’t entitle you to use a disabled toilet. Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Years ago, I had 4 kids under 6yo at one stage and I never used the disability toilets, except for the baby changing ones for baby changing purposes.

Therefore, AIBU to have asked the aquarium centre to add a radar lock to the bathroom. AS this was the ONLY disabled toilet, and the baby change facilities were separate. To increase the likelihood of ringfencing these limited facilities for those who actually need them, rather than those people who want to use them.

I can see how is frustrating for you (I say that as a disabled person myself, blue badge holder, highest rates of Pip indefinitely etc etc) but I think the woman with the pram was entitled to use the toilet. No one wants to leave the door open or to leave their baby outside..! Plus any of these people - including the mum with the pram - could have had disabilities themselves, as you’ve acknowledged. I’m not sure what the answer is really, people do misuse the disabled toilets but we shouldn’t need to police them. You’d just hope people would have the common decency not to use them when they don’t need to.

@Theloftmonster

Why are the disabled community expected to campaign for extra disabled loos rather than parents being expected to campaign for family friendly toilets?

You do not use the disabled toilet unless you are disabled or it is also an allocated baby change area.

How can we change this? Start a petition?

At what point @theloftmonster do you think this poster meant "we" as in disabled people? This is a forum for Mums after all.

And no OP, YANBU to ask them to put a radar lock on it.

The toilets at our local aquarium aren't labelled as disabled access they are labelled as accessible, multiple children and a buggy probably counts as needing an accessible toilet facility. I do get your frustrations but your solution really isn't one.
I have several friends/family members with Crohn's and Colitis, to look at them you wouldn't think they were seriously unwell, even though one has had major surgery and currently has a stoma, one has been hospitalised twice in the last year, and the other rarely leaves the house for fear of the potential of no access to toilets. One is a dance teacher, all of them are mothers. You really shouldn't judge when you don't know the details.

Why didn't you just take the DC into the cubicle? It's annoying but if it's a choice between public nudity or waking a crap-sleeping baby/toddler I'd do the former any time!
How the hell would you hold a sleeping baby and wipe your arse? I had a broken arm recently and I can tell you now that trying to use the toilet with only one hand is a fucking nuisance

YABVU

it's these mothers with prams and lots of DC in tow who will predominantly be using the facilities at the aquarium. Talk the aquarium and ask them to build suitable facilities for those parents so that they no longer are forced to use the disabled toilets.

I actually can't believe you'd want the special lock put on to stop them using it. Fair enough if it was a public toilet in a shopping centre or something but not an aquarium which is full of parents juggling small children. All you had to do was wait till they'd finished.

I think maybe your frustration is misplaced here. What you should maybe be asking for is family toilet facilities, so mothers with prams or families with multiple small children they can't cram into a cubicle/leave unattended outside can use the bathroom without using the disabled toilet. Asking women to pee/poo/change sanitary items with the door open is unreasonable and I'm sorry if you had to do that when your kids were little.

Even without changing facilities, I have changed my babies nappies only the floor (on a changing mat) in the disabled toilet. Many places just aren't equips for families and disabled people sadly. Hopefully this will change.

YABU because many people with disabilities can't get radar keys, and many people without disabilities can.

YA also BU for many other reasons, but for that one, certainly

@AntiSocialDistancer thank you. To clarify I absolutely did not mean we as in "All disabled people should do something about it" although am a person with a disability myself. I meant we as in society, anyone who is interested. Me. What can I do about it? I now feel passionate about this as mums shouldn't have to be vulnerable and people with disabilities shouldn't have their loos occupied when they need them most.

I always take my 2 and 4 year old into the larger loo so they can both come in, usually this is the disabled loo. I also did it this afternoon in the dressing room to try on some clothes!
I would never pee or change with a door open to see my kids who also can run off. In the disabled loo I can lock it.

Most people have to wait to use the loo in public. But I agree they shouldn’t rattle the door handle; that’s rude

Use the end toilet in the women’s bathroom, with the door open and the pram in the toilet doorway, like everyone else does.

Not once have I done this, and never will I! Even with 4 kids!

The woman was rude for insisting and not waiting her turn. She was not rude for wanting to use a toilet that fits her pram. I have changed many nappies in my pram! Put the changing mat on it, put baby on it, it's safe and a lot cleaner than the changing facilities.

@bakingdemon

I have been that mother left with no choice but to pee with the door open because there are no toilet stalls in the women's loos big enough to take a pram. It is horrid, and shows how little women, especially mothers, are considered in design.

It must be frustrating for her, but I think your anger is misplaced when directed at that poor mum.

It is rubbish, I know I did it for years myself.

You are right that ultimately mothers are not thought of when women's toilets are designed. For goodness sake they often have no space for the sanitary bin let alone prams. Yes, it would be good for more space in women's toilets.

However blocking the only space that the minority can use, is not the acceptable answer.

I am sending a letter to the centre to remind them of their promise in regards to the radar key lock but I will suggest a family bathroom would be helpful in addition.

I use the disabled toilets as I have an ileostomy. I also have a 3 year old who is usually with me. I wouldn’t look like somebody who needed the disabled toilet but I do

I'm sorry you expect a woman to do what..... anyone could walk in another woman, a male cleaner, potentially a pervert. You can't f**k right off thinking I am going to do that

Why do you rights to a disabled toilet mean I don't have a right to dignity? We both deserve dignity.

Radar keys are cheap on ebay. They aren't only available to disabled persons.

Honest question: do most disabled people reliably 100% carry a radar key? Is this just another barrier (thing to remember) to make toilets accessible?

Those toilets are supposed to be disabled access not disabled reserved.
They count in the total toilet allocation for all humans on the premises.

Door rattling was uncalled for, I understand OP finding that annoying... but it happens in regular non-disabled-access loos, too, people just rattle at the door.
Sounds like OP sniped first.

All you had to do was wait till they'd finished. ah thing is sometimes it can take a while for some people to get in position to go to the loo. Or it can be suddenly extremely urgent for them to need to go. So sometimes it's not a matter of being able to wait.

YANBU to request a radar key
Until my mum developed her disability I was ignorant to the struggles of those less able but taking my mum out in her wheelchair has opened my eyes, people using disabled toilets just because there's a queue for the others, filthy uncared for toilets, people rattling doors when you are in - it takes my mum longer to go the toilet if she has to change her pad

There aren't enough disabled toilets and many double up as baby changing, there is no thought to the planning of buildings

YANBU about her attitude but YABU about the toilet in general. Some toilets are really hard to get into with a pram.

I may have been judged before. My son is autistic but it's not obvious he has a disability. When he was younger he was petrified of people setting the dryers off so we'd use the disabled loos if Me or him needed to go to control the dryers going off. Even when he outgrew his fear of dryers, I would take him in the disabled loos too. I wasn't able to leave him outside the cubicle by himself. Disabled toilets give us more room! But to most people we looked like 2 non disabled people using the toilet. Not so bad now he's older though.

I think hat there’s no distinction between disabled and accessible toilets, and “disabled” toilets are by their very nature accessible. But I think a family attraction should have more than one disabled/accessible toilet, so YANBU

I meant can not can't

It's a disabled toilet, not a toilet for people with prams and small children. If people want toilets for those, campaign for them, int he same way disabled people have done.

And FWIW, I used to leave the pushchair outside the cubicle door with the door slightly ajar.

It's what women used to do before they decided disabled toilets ware also meant for them.

YANBU! Disabled toilets are for disabled people. I’m astonished by the number of posts arguing otherwise. It’s pretty unlikely the second mum had a hidden disability given she pointed to the pram as her reason for needing the disabled loo.

Honestly, I’m sympathetic to parents needing better facilities but disabled people face WAY more barriers in society than parents.

However blocking the only space that the minority can use, is not the acceptable answer.

Single parents out alone with 4 kids and one in a pram are probably in a minority too!

Not that I think she was right. You've both been overlooked when toilets were planned and that needs sorting out. The addition of a family bathroom would be great and make it really clear. Some female toilets you can't manoeuvre a pram into the toilet room let alone the stalls. It's not fair to exclude single parents from going out either.

I voted YABU purely because how would a disabled tourist know about radar locks and have ability to unlock them? Aquariums aren’t just for local population. You will have international disabled tourists who could need them.

I need to go into disabled toliet for my 4 year old who has autism , as in nappies the amount of stares and looks i get is deeply depressing and people assume i shouldn't be going in, so i would never judge anyone as im sick of being judged myself