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Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

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ThorIsAGod · 10/08/2021 14:07

I prefer to pay my own bill when I go out and usually it's because I have more food! So I don't want to think I can't have a steak or large glass of wine if someone is having a pasta dish and tap water. If I pay then it's fair and I don't want to be subsidised or make 2nd choices to be more in keeping 🤷🏼‍♀️

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cherrytreecottage · 10/08/2021 14:16

If everyone has similar amounts of food and drink; I usually hate it when someone wants to pay separately because the hassle of working it out for a couple of quid just dements me. However, if someone isn't drinking and others are I'd always make a point of saying to the group "X didn't have any booze so let them pay theirs and then we could split the rest?" - there's no way you should supplement everyone else drinking alcohol when you had one or two soft drinks.

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MandalaYogaTapestry · 10/08/2021 14:28

Does anyone have a link to that DM article? Can't see it

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whistlers · 10/08/2021 14:46

@MandalaYogaTapestry

Does anyone have a link to that DM article? Can't see it

I've posted it twice

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9876919/Woman-blasted-refusing-pay-DOUBLE-price-meal-equally-split-bill.html

Ok three times
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AveryGoodlay · 10/08/2021 15:00

It's tiresome and breaks up the collegial/ fun vibe if one person wants everyone to pull out their calculators for the sake of a few pounds. This is why it's so much easier, not to mention fairer to ask the waiter for separate bills at the start.

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Everanewbie · 10/08/2021 15:07

Bit of fence sitting here OP. Its a bit tiresome if your the member of the group debating whether you spent £29 or £31.50 etc. Individual bills for large groups and trying to work out everyone's spend sucks the life out of an occasion.

Then again there is always someone in a big group, usually a repeat offender, that is the only one to order a starter, has a fillet steak and washes it down with a bottle of Chateaux neuf de pape. Then gleefully suggests splitting the bill with the fish and chippers.

It comes down to decency. OP, if you were i my crowd I'd have called out "OP didn't drink, so howabout she chuck in a £20, and we'll split the rest" Or if I'd been raiding the wine I'd say i'll chuck in another tenner or whatever.

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SamiReed1 · 10/08/2021 15:26

Blow over? OP I hope you aren't going to stay friends with the BG! No only did she make you feel uncomfortable for the fact that you are pregnant and can't drink, she attacked you in text message and now has doubled down, and hasn't thanked you for her gifts.

You're a bloody mug and deserve the treatment you get if you don't immediately ditch her as a 'friend'. Seriously, have the self respect you showed on the night. Any normal human being would be MORTIFIED that they and their friends were shown up for being stingy cheeky chancers who wouldn't even pay a tip to the wait and never thanked you for your expensive presents. If I were BG I would be so mortified of my behaviour that I would apologise to you. Because, that is what a normal, well-adjusted moral human being would do. Your 'friend' is doubling down and showing her nastiness and selfishness. When people show you their true colours, believe them. She's shit. She doesn't deserve you as a friend.

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notacooldad · 10/08/2021 15:38

I have just remembered an incident from about 8 years ago. A friend brought a new friend out to the restaurant. For years we've always split the bill and it's always been fair. One month you may be down by a couple of quid, another month you may be up. This had suited us for best part of 15 years.
At the end of the meal, chief organzer of our group said '25 quid including tip, everyone ok' people put £25 in and some had started walking out or gone to get their coats when the new one says ' actually I want to pay my own, I didn't drink alcohol ' my mate had to recall everyone back and reevaluate. Next day my other friend ( who was sat next to her)said ' you know she didn't have any alcohol but she was the only one to order a starter, ordered an extra nan bread and had a dessert. She also had an Irish coffee and the coke was a similar price to have a lager!🤣🤣
Clearly she was on to a winner that night!
We never saw her again, not deliberately I hasten to add but it is still a topic of conversation when we think of funny things from over the years!

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diddl · 10/08/2021 15:48

"Next day my other friend ( who was sat next to her)said ' you know she didn't have any alcohol but she was the only one to order a starter, ordered an extra nan bread and had a dessert. She also had an Irish coffee and the coke was a similar price to have a lager!🤣🤣
Clearly she was on to a winner that night!"


How was she "on to a winner" if she paid for what she had?

Or have I misunderstood?

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SleepingStandingUp · 10/08/2021 16:09

Clearly she was on to a winner that night!
How?? She paid for what she ate. If her Bill was £20 then she simply didn't subsidise you. If her bill was £25 it made no difference. If her bill was £30 then you didn't have to subsidise her. She didn't win anything except paying for her own beverages

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notacooldad · 10/08/2021 16:11

How?? She paid for what she ate. If her Bill was £20 then she simply didn't subsidise you. If her bill was £25 it made no difference. If her bill was £30 then you didn't have to subsidise her. She didn't win anything except paying for her own beverages

Ha in my haste to post. I told the story wrong!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣

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notacooldad · 10/08/2021 16:13

Or have I misunderstood?
No I missed a bit out!!!!
She said she only had a main and a desert. She didn't mention the starter and the bread + coffee.
Sorry for half a story!!!

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diddl · 10/08/2021 16:34

@notacooldad

Or have I misunderstood?
No I missed a bit out!!!!
She said she only had a main and a desert. She didn't mention the starter and the bread + coffee.
Sorry for half a story!!!

That makes more sense!

So she lied about what she'd had & no one spoke up?
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notacooldad · 10/08/2021 16:44

So she lied about what she'd had & no one spoke up?
Kind off. It was a bit chaotic because some of us had began to leave. No one really noticed what everyone was eating or ordering because it has always been about the same. My friend was sat next to her and noticed because she remembers thinking how could such a tiny person eat so much. It was only the following day when my friend asked what went on with the bill I said that x only had a main and wasnt drinking when she said, you're joking right! I remembered one person having a desert but didn't pay attention as I was at the far end of the table and didn't really care!

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Geamhradh · 10/08/2021 17:20

@WomanStanleyWoman

Do you honestly think in Italy when they go out with in their multigenerational groups and are sharing delicious food and wines, Nona gets her calculator out at the end to divvy up who ate and drank what? No, because it is about the occasion and the celebration, warmth and generosity . To reduce it down to 'I only had the dry toast and tap water Sheila' is soul destroying.

This is so over the top 😆 ‘Soul-destroying’? Specifying that it’s delicious food, as if we’d all have been sat here thinking they were eating pig swill from a trough otherwise.

Every single person in Italy behaves the same? Wow, who knew

Yes; every day is one long Dolmio advert.

I'm in Italy and it depends on the situation.
At my FIL's birthday, he paid for everything.
On other occasion, the four or five families split the bill. I went out with a group of friends and we all paid for what we had. I've been out with other people and everyone gets a separate bill.
It depends on the occasion, and the people.
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notacooldad · 10/08/2021 17:25

How?? She paid for what she ate. If her Bill was £20 then she simply didn't subsidise you. If her bill was £25 it made no difference. If her bill was £30 then you didn't have to subsidise her. She didn't win anything except paying for her own beverages

Ha in my haste to post. I told the story wrong!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣


This why I dont tell jokes at parties! I always miss an important bit out or forget the punchline and people are left confused!

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OPISRIGHT · 10/08/2021 20:39

You are definitely Not being unreasonable OP, you spoke up politely and it would not have been reasonable to pay that extra ridiculous amount that bore no relation to your consumption. I personally would have done the same thing. Please don't have a moments doubt or regret.

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CanuckBC · 10/08/2021 21:01

Canadian here, it is almost unheard of hear to split the bill. Almost every bill comes split out to each person/seat. Very easy for each person. To pay there own. The waiter/waitress will also ask of you want any combined.

When in large groups rounds are not done, typically not in small groups either… I wish in some ways it was as it would be a bit friendlier but drinks can be so spendy so no financial obligation on anyone.

In bars you usually pay as you go or start a tab on a credit card and everyone has to do their own. Or you go straight to the bar and pay the bartender directly.

There ha e been situations when paying a large bill and all money goes together and people pay less as others have not put on full amount due to others putting in tip. It’s a pisser. This is many many years ago when they didn’t give individual bills. I believe it’s why they moved to individual bills in all honesty.

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CanuckBC · 10/08/2021 21:05

So many mistakes!!! Sorry, also, you were not in the wrong.

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enoughforme · 10/08/2021 21:10

YANBU someone should have actually recognised you didn't drink and split it for you (less your share)

The only exception to this is if sometimes you go out with the same group and drink and usually split it OR if you drank say mocktails or drinks that were not far off the alcoholic ones

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enoughforme · 10/08/2021 21:13

@Everanewbie

Bit of fence sitting here OP. Its a bit tiresome if your the member of the group debating whether you spent £29 or £31.50 etc. Individual bills for large groups and trying to work out everyone's spend sucks the life out of an occasion.

Then again there is always someone in a big group, usually a repeat offender, that is the only one to order a starter, has a fillet steak and washes it down with a bottle of Chateaux neuf de pape. Then gleefully suggests splitting the bill with the fish and chippers.

It comes down to decency. OP, if you were i my crowd I'd have called out "OP didn't drink, so howabout she chuck in a £20, and we'll split the rest" Or if I'd been raiding the wine I'd say i'll chuck in another tenner or whatever.

I completely agree with this post - exactly right. I guess I'm also on the fence as it depends on the circumstances
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notacooldad · 10/08/2021 21:26

YANBU someone should have actually recognised you didn't drink and split it for you (less your share)

The only exception to this is if sometimes you go out with the same group and drink and usually split it OR if you drank say mocktails or drinks that were not far off the alcoholic ones
I'm hugely disagreeing with you on this one. Whether the bill is split or itemised is one thing, personally I do both depending on the situation. However when I'm out I'm not responsible or taking note whether people across the table are having alcohol or not. For example vodka, lime and soda looks exactly the same as a lime and soda. I know friends that start of with the former and then switch to just lime and soda. I pointed out examples earlier of some alcohol and non alcohol drinks being a similar price which I find unfair.
I know people limit their alcohol drinks during a meal but people having non alcoholic ones order more freely because they aren't driving so when added up their bar bill is similar, if not more than others. Sometimes people will have a coffee while others are drinking up, that's roughly four or five quid. The

I honestly don't think someone not drinking means their share is automatically less. Nor should anyone else be recognising that they are not drinking alcohol and do the split for them.

To me the best way to play a large group meal is to go fixed price and buy your own drinks as you go along.

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HunterHearstHelmsley · 10/08/2021 21:45

@notacooldad

People saying she should have mentioned at the start - why? It makes no difference, you didnt drink booze which makes up a fair whack of the bill, so you shouldnt pay.
Then everyone know what the expectation is?
Some people dont mind a minor disparity of a few quid, others do.

It's the other way around. Those expecting to split should make their intentions clear. Paying your own way is the status quo. If someone wants to mooch then they need to make it known from the get go.
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OPISRIGHT · 10/08/2021 21:55

I like the Canadian way of doing things as pp indicated. Straightforward with no room for confusion unlike some ways.

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notacooldad · 10/08/2021 22:06

It's the other way around. Those expecting to split should make their intentions clear. Paying your own way is the status quo. If someone wants to mooch then they need to make it known from the get go
Maybe they should but people dont. That's why I think if you have a strong feelings one way or another you should speak up for yourself. It doesn't have to be anything confrontational. Something like ' hey, how are sorting this? Are we buying our own drinks as we go? ( or similar)

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