Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

[notonyournelleee]

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you

1. I can’t abide meanness and it wasn’t you being mean OP. My friends wouldn’t ever behave like that - if you’re not drinking you only pay food SIMPLE
2. If that really is the birthday girl then...well, the spelling of ‘disgusting’ rings alarm bells for her general vibe so I’d ditch her on that alone

@NorthernWhiteRhino

I think I am just fortunate that this scenario has pretty much never happened with the people I call friends and dine out with. We split the bill - that would be if one person/couple did not insist on paying (and there are regular arguments about who is going to pay - where two people are trying to get to the bill first).

If I was going out with a couple or a friend and I knew they were having difficult times to be honest I would treat them. In a larger group we have done the same and as a group treated someone who has been struggling - whether financially, mentally, physically or in whatever way. 'You have been having a nightmare lately, this one is on us'. All done very discretely.

If someone has clearly had much less than everyone else - e.g. no alcohol then the group would automatically, without fuss take a chunk off their bill to account for it. Or even just cut them out of the bill completely for ease.

The only time I have been in a ' pay for exactly what you have eaten' scenario is with work colleagues which then makes sense.

I think it depends though on income disparity. People can not be struggling within a reasonable budget but their reasonable budget is different to others. And a reasonable budget to be fair doesnt usually include spending more than double what your own things cost.

As an aside I presume your example line of "you've been a nightmare" isnt something you have said to someone struggling financially?!

As if this is on the daily mail. Your mate is going to be raging now lol

I honestly don't understand why people can't just pay for what they've ordered. YANBU

@coolgirldancing

I've been more than patient, but this "forum" is pathetic. I'm not reading through pages and pages of you're shit, but none of you was there, none of you knows what actually happened. You all think your so clever but you need to get a life. Get out a bit, stop sitting on your phone's or whatever. I hope your all proud of yourself. Discusting

R u ok hun?

@aSofaNearYou there really is no need for insults. I’m happy with my group of friends. So, yes, I may tolerate someone’s £12 cocktail while she waits for me as I’m late due to childcare issues or transport or whatever. I don’t give a fig if you think I’m a mug. Have a nice day.

YANBU
I always drink but would never expect a non drinker to foot my bill.
If you put down £25 they would only had to pay an extra 3 quid each anyway

If someone isn't drinking when we split the bill we'd ask for a lot less from them and then split the rest.

I would never let a non drink oh friend pay a share of excessive alcohol if we all had one alcoholic drink and she a softie then yes you might just split the Bill. I think your friend were really rude not to give you the option and then to call you out on the next day pff

Anyway if you like this friend and she likes you it’s not worth falling out over ....

coolgirldancing is clearly just a troll. The very obvious poor spelling is designed purely to rile the vipers.

@lastcall

Do you honestly think in Italy when they go out with in their multigenerational groups and are sharing delicious food and wines, Nona gets her calculator out at the end to divvy up who ate and drank what? No, because it is about the occasion and the celebration, warmth and generosity . To reduce it down to 'I only had the dry toast and tap water Sheila' is soul destroying

No, it's budget destroying for many.

You must live in a universe where everyone has bottomless bank accounts and no money worries. And 'friends' who don't feel entitled to spend other people's money thoughtlessly.

Every single person in Italy behaves the same? Wow, who knew

@DrManhattan

As if this is on the daily mail. Your mate is going to be raging now lol

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9876919/Woman-blasted-refusing-pay-DOUBLE-price-meal-equally-split-bill.html

I always make it clear before the meal as to how the bill will be split, as I have been caught out many times to pay for others food and drink and to be honest most people recognise that those who haven’t had alcohol should not pay for everyone else. I think you did the right thing and your friends should have respected this but it is an awkward situation.

Such an interesting thread!
I'm usually one for splitting the bill evenly- my husband doesn't drink but happy to pay slightly over, as it usually evens out in the end, and we usually only go out with one or two others at a time.
That said, I would always be aware if we were the big spenders, and wouldnt suggest splitting if I thought the others would be subsidising us. If there was a non drinker, clearly they should knock off alcohol for her. Also, if OP put down 25 quid, covering more than her share, why on earth would that ruin the night?
So yes normally I'm all for sharing the bill, but only when everyone's in roughly the same boat, boozing and all eating what they want. If someone is clearly spending under, the others should have noticed it, and mentioned it- it really shouldn't be OP that has to say. Freeloaders!

@coolgirldancing

I've been more than patient, but this "forum" is pathetic. I'm not reading through pages and pages of you're shit, but none of you was there, none of you knows what actually happened. You all think your so clever but you need to get a life. Get out a bit, stop sitting on your phone's or whatever. I hope your all proud of yourself. Discusting

Well done @coolgirldancing, perfect parody with every possible SPAG error

@NorthernWhiteRhino

I think I am just fortunate that this scenario has pretty much never happened with the people I call friends and dine out with. We split the bill - that would be if one person/couple did not insist on paying (and there are regular arguments about who is going to pay - where two people are trying to get to the bill first).

If I was going out with a couple or a friend and I knew they were having difficult times to be honest I would treat them. In a larger group we have done the same and as a group treated someone who has been struggling - whether financially, mentally, physically or in whatever way. 'You have been having a nightmare lately, this one is on us'. All done very discretely.

If someone has clearly had much less than everyone else - e.g. no alcohol then the group would automatically, without fuss take a chunk off their bill to account for it. Or even just cut them out of the bill completely for ease.

The only time I have been in a ' pay for exactly what you have eaten' scenario is with work colleagues which then makes sense.

If someone has clearly had much less than everyone else - e.g. no alcohol then the group would automatically, without fuss take a chunk off their bill to account for it. Or even just cut them out of the bill completely for ease

But that's exactly what has happened here you tedious bore. OP has had no alcohol and as a result her actual share was less than 50% of what the even split was so you've just contradicted all your other boring posts.

@Borderingmadness

Its a birthday meal, a special occasion! maybe next time you'll be drinking and someone else wont be?

Say the meal was £20 and your lemonades were £6? Your falling out over £14......

Swings and roundabouts but i guess for me it would be how close i am to these friends as to if i want to piss them off?

But her meal wasn't £20 and her drink wasn't £6.

Her entire bill for meal and drinks came to less than £19. They wanted her to pay an extra £21, more than she'd actually spent on her own meal and drinks, to cover theirs.

And that £40 they expected her to pay doesn't include a tip (which only the OP contributed to because the others were too tight).

Your falling out over £14......

Also, the OP is not falling out with friends over £14, or even the extra £21 they expected the OP to pay.

The birthday friend and the others are falling out with the OP over £4.00 each, which is the extra they had to pay each for their own share when she quite rightly refused to pay it for them all.

[quote LadyWithLapdog]@aSofaNearYou there really is no need for insults. I’m happy with my group of friends. So, yes, I may tolerate someone’s £12 cocktail while she waits for me as I’m late due to childcare issues or transport or whatever. I don’t give a fig if you think I’m a mug. Have a nice day.[/quote]
I said they were making a mug of you, hardly the insult of the century. Defensive much 🙄

If your friend is going to fall out with you because you just wanted to pay for your own meal, then she's not really a friend.
I'm all for splitting a bill equally between whoever I'm with at the time, I find it so much easier and thankfully my friends and I are all in agreement that it works for us. If one doesn't drink one time, they probably will the next so the extra paid etc always ends up balancing out at some point. However if one person only wanted to pay for their exact meal/drink cost, then I'm good for that too. For all I know they're having a really tight money month, and can only afford their portion of the bill. Not my business to get angry at them for that.

@NorthernWhiteRhino

I think there were manners issues on both sides here to be honest.

As it was a birthday meal, I would have worked on the basis (regardless of what I had consumed) that it would be split either evenly (or more likely) the group would decide that the birthday girl should not pay and the bill is divided equally between the rest.

Having an acute awareness of what you have consumed in contrast to what others have consumed sucks the joy out of the occasion. It sends the message that you didn't really want to be there and were silently judging what everyone was ordering.

On occasions where there is an 'obvious' discrepancy between one person and the rest of the group - then the rest of the group should ideally suggest that person pays less. But on a birthday or celebration dinner I am not sure - its not about what you consume it is about celebrating a friend or an occasion. The behaviour sharpens the focus onto 'cold hard cash' which diminishes this sense of celebration.

Sending the text was also very bad manners though. I would have happily agreed you pay less but to be honest, if I was planning another event where I wanted to people to relax and indulge a little I would think twice about inviting you.

This sums it up well for me. I’d say it would be a 5 way split, including tips, with the birthday girl being treated. The text was likely because the birthday girl was embarrassed that was the lasting impression of the OP to her other friends. It would have tainted a mood, regardless of if splitting was strictly speaking fair or not.

They aren't friends OP. They are cheeky fuckers who expect you to subsidise their drinks, as another poster said how do they not know that you weren't having any financial worries this month? They should have just accepted your decline & that be the end of it. If I was you I would be distancing myself from them from now on,

This is in the mail this morning

Eating in the UK is so awkward 😂

I really dislike "calculators out" - but I'd notice if one person wasnt drinking/eating at all and suggest they just be taken out of the split. What they then decide to do (ie be v.generous and throw in with everyone or just pay their share) is up to them.

@Guiltypleasures001 I just came to post the same

@notonyournelleee You've made the Daily Mail (FWIW I have been in your position & agree with the view you took)