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Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

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lavieengris · 10/08/2021 22:13

@CanuckBC

Canadian here, it is almost unheard of hear to split the bill. Almost every bill comes split out to each person/seat. Very easy for each person. To pay there own. The waiter/waitress will also ask of you want any combined.

When in large groups rounds are not done, typically not in small groups either… I wish in some ways it was as it would be a bit friendlier but drinks can be so spendy so no financial obligation on anyone.

In bars you usually pay as you go or start a tab on a credit card and everyone has to do their own. Or you go straight to the bar and pay the bartender directly.

There ha e been situations when paying a large bill and all money goes together and people pay less as others have not put on full amount due to others putting in tip. It’s a pisser. This is many many years ago when they didn’t give individual bills. I believe it’s why they moved to individual bills in all honesty.

I wouldn't mind that system. There are a few places round here that specifically won't split the bill, so we all have to work out what we're chipping in. If everyone's had roughly the same, it's nice and easy, otherwise, those of us who have had more pipe up and put in more.

I'm basically in favour of whatever is easiest for everyone (wait staff and diners) as long as it doesn't massively screw anyone over, like the OP!

I just don't understand how you could spend so much more on your own food and drink and insist everyone else split the bill with you. People should have more manners, awareness and decency than that.
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OPISRIGHT · 10/08/2021 22:41

On First Dates I've never seen them discuss methods of payment before the meal. Have sometimes wondered what if on a date and the other party claimed to have forgotten their funding method, I'd just pay for myself as they could be lying. But thats different to a group of friends situation.

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LtDansleg · 10/08/2021 22:51

Well this is all over the internet now 😂😂

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MandalaYogaTapestry · 10/08/2021 23:22

Thank you. I follow the thread on my mobile and it takes ages to scroll down all the posts. So I just read the new posts from the end and hadn't come across the link.

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Balgoresboy · 10/08/2021 23:51

''£40 isn't spare change for some people.

You sound very privileged!

It was double the cost of what OP actually had.''

I'm currently working in a minimum wage job and renting a box room in a known rough area in my 30s so yes very privileged.

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lavieengris · 11/08/2021 01:04

@OPISRIGHT

On First Dates I've never seen them discuss methods of payment before the meal. Have sometimes wondered what if on a date and the other party claimed to have forgotten their funding method, I'd just pay for myself as they could be lying. But thats different to a group of friends situation.

It's a bit different because they get an allowance of something like £25 a head, so the meal is already part subsidised.

£25 won't get you very far at the Paternoster Chop House, but £50 should just about cover one diner, or least most of their share - so if you end up paying for the whole date, you're still really only paying the equivalent of one person's meal. It makes it easier to be generous.
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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/08/2021 04:53

All these people being embarrassed by someone wanting to work out how much they spent - learn to control your own emotions!

There is NOTHING embarrassing about asking to pay for what you had + tip, as opposed to paying double your costs to "keep the peace" Hmm

The ONLY people in this scenario who should be embarrassed are the cheeky fuckers who expected the OP to sub their bills, AND who then failed to leave a tip. Now THAT is tacky, embarrassing behaviour and shows a total lack of manners.

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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/08/2021 04:58

I'm in Australia where they don't like splitting bills at all if they can avoid it, because it attracts more in credit card costs. Which then leads to one person volunteering to put it on their card and others throwing in cash.
Restaurants usually state this on the menu though, so you know what you're up against.

However, some will split a bill maybe 2 ways, and some will happily take a card off every customer - it's not a set thing.

A lot of restaurants in my area do not have wine on the list - you can buy it from the bar, or BYO, in which case everyone who has some pays corkage. This mostly gets around the alcohol bill issue - but I've never had a problem here with people trying to evenly split a bill when some have had significantly more or less than the others.

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Coffeepot72 · 11/08/2021 07:16

There is NOTHING embarrassing about asking to pay for what you had + tip, as opposed to paying double your costs to "keep the peace"

This is a very good point. In no other setting would you pay for something you hadn’t received, just to be polite (what’s wrong with us Brits??!)

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SirYawnsAlot · 11/08/2021 07:23

Funny how people who suggest splitting the bill equally are the people who have had the full 3 courses, extra sides and the bottles of wine. Stick to your guns OP.

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MaMelon · 11/08/2021 08:21

@Coffeepot72

There is NOTHING embarrassing about asking to pay for what you had + tip, as opposed to paying double your costs to "keep the peace"

This is a very good point. In no other setting would you pay for something you hadn’t received, just to be polite (what’s wrong with us Brits??!)

Absolutely agree - and in no other setting would people just order what they want without looking at the price as some on here claim they do in restaurants.
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Blossomtoes · 11/08/2021 13:34

This is the basis for a feature in The Telegraph this morning. It’s full of helpful advice. 🤣

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DottyHarmer · 11/08/2021 13:44

Yes, I read that. To add to this thread, there’s the problem of the splitting the bill when you’ve got one toddler and they have a brace of hungry, alcohol-swilling teens.

Dh actually had a fight (well, man pushing) with his db over this very issue when bil proposed a bill split of 3 ways when he was a family of five, the Pil had ordered steak and dh had gone by himself. Normally dh is complete pushover but he’d only had a toasted sandwich and was driving.

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ExpressDelivery · 11/08/2021 13:44

@Blossomtoes

This is the basis for a feature in The Telegraph this morning. It’s full of helpful advice. 🤣

What does the Telegraph think is the correct way to split a bill? Grin
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Blossomtoes · 11/08/2021 13:48

Depends who you’re splitting it with apparently. If it’s Jeff Bezos it recommends doing a runner!

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MaMelon · 11/08/2021 13:48

What does the Telegraph think is the correct way to split a bill?

Say it’s for internal training and get the accountant to sort out the tax claim

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Biker47 · 11/08/2021 13:48

Love it when people whinge about using a calculator as if it's such an ordeal. Like you've just wheeled in the 5 ton colossus computer they used to crack the enigma codes with in the second world war, to add up your starter, main and drinks; chill out, everyone's got a calculator on their phone now, some people have them on their watches as well. I normally just add it all up my head when I order and keep a track of it in my mind then, pay just above that plus a tip, or if I forget, add it up at the end. I usually eat and drink more than the people I go out with as well.

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burnoutbabe · 11/08/2021 13:51

I am an accountant.

I would not want to split a bill fir say 10 people without a spreadsheet.

Who owns up to those extra fries? How split the bottles of wine? And maybe bottles of water across another group.

If it's 2 people and no sharing courses, then yes it's easy to split. Add in any complexity and it's much more complicated as stuff gets forgotten or missed. Does everyone remember if they had 3 or 4 glasses of drinks?

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LolaSmiles · 11/08/2021 14:39

Biker47
Isn't the point about the calculators usually about the difference between:

Call mine £25. Main was around £13, and I had a couple of drinks / (gets phone calculator out) how much was the wine? Ok so between four of us it works out at £9 each for wine... stick £X on card

And

Sitting for a while as the receipt gets passed around the 3 people who who will tot everything to the penny and say Mine is 23.78, then usually they're the ones fussing about tips and counting out what 10% of their exact spend was.

People are still paying for what they've eaten and drank, but the first group are generally charitable with their rounding and there's usually a nice tip at the end. It's also a lot quicker than the receipt passing game.

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Everanewbie · 11/08/2021 14:51

Nothing wrong with splitting the bill. Its the people that try to manipulate this and take advantage of no-one wanting to tackle the awkwardness.

I absolutely hate it when someone starts working out that they had £23.68 of something, so they shouldn't pay the same as someone who spent £25.33. Urgh, if that difference will make or break your finances, maybe you should think about a night in instead.

But its the same as rounds of drinks. Sometimes there will be 6 of you and you have 5 rounds. Someone gets away without buying a round. Fine. It should eventually even itself out over time. Its when its that same person week on week, so much so that they run out of shoe laces to tie up instead of heading to the bar, thats the problem, not rounds.

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LAlady · 11/08/2021 14:56

I've been out with friends, perhaps midweek, when I'm not drinking because of work the next day. I always say I'm happy to split but they always say, no, you didn't drink wine and deduct ££ and then split the rest between them.

The group you were with were cheeky, no question.

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enoughforme · 11/08/2021 15:10

@LAlady

I've been out with friends, perhaps midweek, when I'm not drinking because of work the next day. I always say I'm happy to split but they always say, no, you didn't drink wine and deduct ££ and then split the rest between them.

The group you were with were cheeky, no question.

I also think though that OPs background on group outings with these people is important - because I have a friend that orders the fillet steak, starter,dessert the works and we agree to split.

He only makes a fuss when he doesn't drink alcohol despite we have split the bill to favour him on many more occasions so it would still more than balance itself out. Which if this is OP, in other words she usually or often orders most and only this time cut back then it's not cheeky at all.

My point is, the background here is important as opposed to the situation in isolation
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enoughforme · 11/08/2021 15:11

@Everanewbie

Nothing wrong with splitting the bill. Its the people that try to manipulate this and take advantage of no-one wanting to tackle the awkwardness.

I absolutely hate it when someone starts working out that they had £23.68 of something, so they shouldn't pay the same as someone who spent £25.33. Urgh, if that difference will make or break your finances, maybe you should think about a night in instead.

But its the same as rounds of drinks. Sometimes there will be 6 of you and you have 5 rounds. Someone gets away without buying a round. Fine. It should eventually even itself out over time. Its when its that same person week on week, so much so that they run out of shoe laces to tie up instead of heading to the bar, thats the problem, not rounds.

I agree with your post. If people at the table ordered bottles of wine then it's ridiculous but if there say two quid in it then perhaps stay home!
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CCC11 · 11/08/2021 15:23

😯

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