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Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

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notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 10:01

Should also add that none of them left a tip either! Just me

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Balgoresboy · 09/08/2021 10:01

Meh I see where you are coming from but it was 40 quid, I would just have split it to avoid tension and because I rarely eat out with friends. Having said that your friend is a bitch for texting you like that and the others need to grow up if that upset them.

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TooWicked · 09/08/2021 10:02

Yours came to £19 and they wanted you to pay £40?

Yeah I’ll bet they weren’t happy you wouldn’t split the bill, the cheeky fuckers.

It’ll probably be tje “you’ve all drunk quite a bit” comment that’s got under their skin.

If I’m out and someone suggests splitting the bill I usually just say “I’m going to pay for mine separately thanks”.

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Notjustanymum · 09/08/2021 10:02

Just out of curiosity - what did it reduce your contribution by? (Asking because where I live a large glass of wine is £7.00, but a pint of lemonade is only £3.50, so based on the assumption that each of the other 5 had 2 glasses each and OP had 2 lemonades, she would be paying over £2 per friend to subsidise their drinks! Why should she be short-changed?)

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Justgettingbye · 09/08/2021 10:02

When my group go out we pay for our own. It's may take a bit longer and seem picky but we're not made of money and we are all happy to pay for our share

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DottyHarmer · 09/08/2021 10:02

Agree with @Howshouldibehave - if splitting were an established thing in your friendship group but now you’ve given up the booze/were designated driver then possibly the others might be a bit Hmm if on previous occasions you benefitted.

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BashfulClam · 09/08/2021 10:02

I remember people being annoyed at me for refusing to pay £11 for a small tumbler of flat coke. It was a work night and I was driving but they were all having wine and pints and my team leader said let’s just split the drinks bill. Nope! Mine was £1.50 and they expected me to throw in £11. I was made to feel like a tight arse but I’m not paying almost a tenner for nothing.

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ikeepseeingit · 09/08/2021 10:03

You paid £6 over your actual bill which covers your share of tip for sure! YANBU I don’t know why they thought you should pay for their meal.

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LowlytheWorm · 09/08/2021 10:03

Not unreasonable at all and she’s a CF. I’d have said “actually my extra £6 would have covered one of your drinks- you’re welcome. I’m not very sure why people would be upset at me not paying for their drinks? Sorry if that’s the case and I will be upfront should the situation arise in future and explain that as I’m not drinking alcohol I will just pay for my own food and drink”.

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notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 10:03

Dotty As I say, never been out with them before apart from birthday girl

Who I have split with previously but that's because we've gone out together and she's just had a glass of wine etc, nothing extravagant. And I've drink too maybe on the odd occasion

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LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 09/08/2021 10:03

It's the height of cheek, OP, but it is always bill-splitters who want to be subsidised. Not everybody who splits the bill but, it is only ever them.

I would reply back to 'birthday girl' asking why she thought you should pay over double and your alcohol-drinking friends just pay essentially less than what they consumed. I would also point out the differential of £20+ not being expected.

I might then ask if she liked her gifts, or might not.

I would look out for better friends I think.

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vivainsomnia · 09/08/2021 10:04

I cannot fathom the entitled attitude of those who benefit from a larger meal and more alcoholic drinks and expect to pay less than they spent and for other who didn't to pick up the bill! How much more selfish can you get, yet it seemed quite common.

I am always the one costing the least when we go out because I don't drink alcohol and don't even like any soft drinks so usually order water and am happy with tap water. I also never have desserts. I go out with two groups and they always always divide the bill, I've never had to suggest it. OH and I have gone out with larger groups when one party has suggested it is divided by couples, but someone has always pipped in that it was fair on us as we had a lot less (OH doesn't eat or drink much either) and others have agreed.

I would struggle to be friend with someone who think that bills should be divided equally when there is a clear difference (I would never expect it if the difference was £5 or so).

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SunShinesBrightly · 09/08/2021 10:04

Same situation here but only two of us.
Friend had 3 cocktails £9.95 each and I had 2 lemonades. Food cost the same.
Bill came and she suggested we split it.
I said I’ll split the food bill with you but we can pay for our own drinks. I could tell she was a bit irritated. CF! 🤣

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ImRhondaAndthesearentreal · 09/08/2021 10:04

Splitting between the six of you made your bill £11 more.

Splitting between 5, minus your bill made it £4 more for them.

Point that out and ask why that's fair.

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SprayedWithDettol · 09/08/2021 10:05

In situations like this, I have always said to the non drinker that they shouldn’t pay an equal split. I can’t see why the onus should be on the non drinker to refuse, when it is so much more civilised for the drinkers to play fair. I don’t expect other people to pay extra for my choices.

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Puffalicious · 09/08/2021 10:05

Utterly ridiculous from your friends. I don't drink and every, single friendship group/ family meal I have they say straight away ' What is Puff's share before we split?' It's so obvious a thing to do. Same as you I was £16 for one course lunch and a soft drink at the weekend whilst everyone else was £40 as they had cocktails. It's otherwise so unfair. My BF also doesn't drink so it's standard for me.

They're CFs. Politely text back that you think it's only fair you don't pay for alcohol , it's standard in your other groups and ask why they were upset by that.

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TooWicked · 09/08/2021 10:05

Splitting between the six of you made your bill £11 more.

No it made her bill £21 more.

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OldTinHat · 09/08/2021 10:06

YANBU. Whenever I go out with my girlfriends, birthday or not, we all just pay what we've eaten/drunk, never any splitting.

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Viviennemary · 09/08/2021 10:06

I was going to say you should have just split the bill. But in this case you didn't even know the other people and it wasn't just a few pounds extra for you it was quite a lot.

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ShakespearesSisters · 09/08/2021 10:06

I've been caught out like this so many times. Went out for a meal, had a cash flow issue at the time. My whole meal including a softdrink was only £8. Others had had starters, sides, copious alcohol. £20 i ended up paying. They were so impressed at how reasonable the meal was and I'm sat there thinking that's because I've paid for a lot of yours!
Different group I've fallen foul of with splitting the bill so I decided to have the starter, steak, pudding and cocktail (few years later) . The only bloody time they decided they were going to pay individually. Probably seeing what I'd had they realised I wouldn't be subsiding theirs.
Thankfully after another meal my friend pointed out I hadn't drunk any wine or eater any of the very expensive sea food so suggested I paid for mine and they split the rest 3 ways. €20 instead if €50. They really did the push the boat out that night.
If there is only a few quid in it I have no issues splitting the bill. But when I end up contributing double my cost to subsidise theirs I think its a bit off.

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SunShinesBrightly · 09/08/2021 10:06

I have other friends who are great btw!
End of meal and the calculators come straight out!
They’re brilliant! 🤣

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MuddyStiletto · 09/08/2021 10:06

Bloody rude of her to message you in my opinion but as she has I'd have to reply and also ask if she liked her present
I know I would appear as rude as her but fuck it , I wouldn't be going out with them again

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Whammyyammy · 09/08/2021 10:07

When a bill is split, the ones that ate and drank the most ways pay less than what they actually consumed. They are also the ones that suggest bill splitting too.... think on that.

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Lavender24 · 09/08/2021 10:07

YANBU. Once at a work's retirement do others were ordering £20 steaks and bottles of wine whereas I had an £8 pizza and a coke. When someone suggested we split the bill I spoke up and said no. Why on earth should you pay for others? They're being ridiculous.

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drpet49 · 09/08/2021 10:07

* Nah. You did nothing wrong. I don't agree that to not subsidise someone else you have to say upfront. They shouldn't assume that they're being paid for by others and should bloody well check at the start in that case!*

^This. You did nothing wrong OP.

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