Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

[notonyournelleee]

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you

No of course not

I just feel it was completely overlooked that I hadn't drink alcohol

No but you should have said you weren't splitting at the beginning.

YANBU why should you subsidise others to that degree?

Really? Didn't know that was the form, to say 'I'm not splitting the bill today'

No you're not in the wrong. They are for being upset with you.

How much was your individual bill? I wouldn't have thought that £40 was outrageous for a 'nice meal'.

Thing is I wouldn't mind if it was £5/10 over my share. But my entire meal came to just under £19

As someone who doesn't drink alcohol I would have said exactly the same. Cocktails and doubles with mixers can be £6-10 each and my sparkling water is £2 🤣

The only thing I would have done is chip in for the birthday girl so she didn't pay for her share? So say my cut was £20 and hers was £40, I'd maybe have thrown in a tenner or something towards hers.

It's a tricky one. I don't drink and I'm vegetarian so my bill is invariably lower. It hasn't been an issue for me yet but I don't know what I'd do if it came up.

YANBU. I've been in situations where people haven't ordered cocktails, bottles of bubbly, many courses including big mains etc then they've been the one to suggest splitting the bill, and probably intended to all along.... jog on sunshine
CF in its finest

Have, not haven't

When I go out with friends and one isn’t drinking alcohol, we tend to pay for our drinks separately.
If someone was being a cf and drinking expensive cocktails all night I definitely wouldn’t want to split the bill!

Sometimes people don’t want to split, and while it may not suit the person who is getting a good deal, they really still need to respect it. Sending a message the next day is not on.

Not unreasonable as long as what you did pay comfortably covered what you actually had including share of tip. Occasionally I have seen non drinkers only pay towards the food, forgetting that there is still a cost attached to soft drinks, albeit lower!

Very cheeky for drinkers to expect their booze costs to be subsidised. It would make me feel that I'd been invited for that very reason.

@notonyournelleee

Thing is I wouldn't mind if it was £5/10 over my share. But my entire meal came to just under £19

Expecting you to pay more than double the cost of your meal to subsidise their alcohol is really not reasonable.

Nah. You did nothing wrong. I don't agree that to not subsidise someone else you have to say upfront. They shouldn't assume that they're being paid for by others and should bloody well check at the start in that case!

I’m a bit on the fence as I have known people who “don’t drink” but still have a pricey non-alcoholic drink or two and also a starter and a pudding.

I think it also depends on how much you are being “done” for. Your meal may have come to £19 but what about service charge/tip?

She’s really rude to message you the next day OP

What you did would be absolutely fine AS LONG as you hadn’t suggested/ agreed to do bill splitting previously when other people had not had booze.

What normally happens with this group?

YANBU.

I actually think it's quite rude for them to expect you to cover the cost of their alcohol.

So they wanted you to pay double?

Have you texted the birthday girl back to point out the price difference? Maybe she didn't realise, if she did then she is being very unreasonable.

You've done nothing wrong here.

I've not been out with this group before, just the birthday girl. I don't really know the others

For what it's worth I put down £25 to cover myself. My bill was just below £19

Nope - YANBU.

Some people are very funny about this, they seem to expect others will subsidise their food and drink and get antsy when it becomes apparent that they’re goi g to have to pay more as a result. You made sure you covered the cost of your food and drink, it’s up to them to do the same.

I think your friend has been very rude in messaging you. It's never unreasonable to meet your own costs and not want to pay the bill for others.
They've shown no sensitivity to the fact that not everyone can afford to have expensive meals and so tailor what they order accordingly. And even if you can afford it, you shouldn't be expected to subsidise other people's spending.