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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

OP posts:
Potpourri23 · 09/08/2021 10:26

@Balgoresboy

Meh I see where you are coming from but it was 40 quid, I would just have split it to avoid tension and because I rarely eat out with friends. Having said that your friend is a bitch for texting you like that and the others need to grow up if that upset them.
But this is EXACTLY how cf get away with it! They are literally relying on people being too embarrassed to rock the boat. No wonder they get annoyed when people don't "keep the peace"
Lunificent · 09/08/2021 10:26

People who are funny about splitting the bill equally are annoying, but there are exceptions.
Your bill was considerably less than there’s so of course that should have been taken on to account. It might have been worth mentioning it to the organiser in advance so that you weren’t left to be the awkward one mentioning it.

Awrite · 09/08/2021 10:26

YANBU

Message back that you are embarrassed that none of them left a tip.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/08/2021 10:26

@pinkyredrose

No but you should have said you weren't splitting at the beginning.
Why, what difference does it make to the others to know that in advance?

Or were they planning to order more than they could afford/wanted to pay for knowing that others in the group would help pick up the tab?

What the 'just split it crowd' always fail to acknowledge is that people have different budgets and some people can afford to go out if they limit what they order.

So it's an absolute slap in the face to eat a pizza and a lemonade and be expected to pay for others to have steak and cocktails at two or three times the price.

RhonaRed · 09/08/2021 10:26

They are cheeky.

dcilovett · 09/08/2021 10:27

Message back and say that being asked to pay £40 instead of £21 really upset you.

This....

CutePanda · 09/08/2021 10:27

YANBU. It is always the people who choose the most expensive dishes and drink alcohol that insist the bill be split.

onelittlefrog · 09/08/2021 10:28

@TooWicked

I also don’t understand the “you should have said at the start you weren’t splitting the bill”.

What difference does that make? Confused

That suggests to me that some posters on here might order differently if they know at the start of the meal that they’re not being subbed by their fellow diners.

Yes, I'd find it very weird if somebody in a group announced that at the start of a meal! It's not really the etiquette.
nancydroo · 09/08/2021 10:28

YANBU what kind of a night would it be if you got shafted out of £21!?
They would have been aware that yours wasn't as much and if you weren't drinking.
To get the text the next morning is outrageous and she clearly doesn't care about your feelings.

ittakes2 · 09/08/2021 10:28

I think you are being very reasonable except we usually chip in the for the birthday girls meal so since she paid her way I think I would have on this occasion just paid up but mental note not to go out with that group again!

phishy · 09/08/2021 10:29

@pinkyredrose

No but you should have said you weren't splitting at the beginning.
Why?! Confused
Janaih · 09/08/2021 10:29

This is why I only meet my friends for dinner in spoons. They are all alcohol dependent and shit at maths.

MistyFrequencies · 09/08/2021 10:30

YANBU. I would have just split it for the quiet life but I'm lucky I can afford to buy that peace. You really shouldn't have to and your "friend" is a dick for texting you about it the next day.

Couldhavebeenme2 · 09/08/2021 10:30

@ImRhondaAndthesearentreal

Splitting between the six of you made your bill £11 more.

Splitting between 5, minus your bill made it £4 more for them.

Point that out and ask why that's fair.

£21 more for op, YANBU.

I used to have a cf colleague who would always want to share the bill when she ordered steak, or starters/dessert and booze, but demand to pay individually when she was on soft drinks and a diet.
We called her on it eventually as we all paid for our own and left her with her own extortionate meal which would have cost us all about a fiver extra. She then moaned she didn't have enough to come to the pub afterwards! Hmm

DifferentHair · 09/08/2021 10:30

I don't understand, did the group cover the birthday girls meal or not?

Maybe they misunderstood and thought you were trying to avoid covering the birthday girls meal?

Smallkeys · 09/08/2021 10:30

I always say to the non drinker to pay less and nit expect them to pay for my alcohol. I do think your pal was unreasonable.

Whyo · 09/08/2021 10:30

Bad form on their part, we always split the bill but make sure to discount anyone that isn’t drinking. This together with their lack of trip sound trashy and I wouldn’t go out with them again.

Howshouldibehave · 09/08/2021 10:30

@notonyournelleee how is the bill normally split?

pinkmoon18 · 09/08/2021 10:30

YANBU

I would say you were being asked to pay double your bill, you added the tip in when they didn't.

You shouldn't be paying for other people's alcoholic drinks.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 09/08/2021 10:31

If l go out and someone isn't drinking but everyone else is, l would say on their behalf they should only pay for their share.....someone else should have spotted you weren't drinking and not made you have to say it.
Yanbu

pinkmoon18 · 09/08/2021 10:31

Also, ridiculous texting you about it saying they were upset, get a life

Whatwouldscullydo · 09/08/2021 10:32

Yanbu

The people who kick off iver bill splitting are usually the people who order the mixed grill and double vodka akd red bulls all night and expect those who order a chicken burger and a lemonade to cover it.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 09/08/2021 10:32

Definitely text back.
Make sure she knows that your share was less than half the actual cost of what was being asked rather than a few quid. Also that you happily threw in extra.

She’s probably grumpy with her hangover.

Dragon50 · 09/08/2021 10:33

With my circles we generally split the bill but if anyone had significantly less (no alcohol/no starter etc) we normally automatically say so and so had less, take their’s off and we will split the remainder.

For me I never get dessert, I’m usually happy to split esp if I’ve had a coffee instead and will put more down if I’ve had more.

RogueV · 09/08/2021 10:33

YANBU at all

A few years ago I paid £25 more than what my my food and drinks actually were and it still pisses me off till this day that I didn’t say anything