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Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

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AlternativePerspective · 09/08/2021 10:09

I would have asked for two separate bills.

A food bill, which you could all have split, and a drinks bill, where you could have paid for your own individual drinks.

By refusing to split the whole bil it looks a bit shit, but paying for individual drinks when you don’t drink and they do is fair enough.

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TheAverageUser · 09/08/2021 10:09

I'm going the other way, I think you should have split it. It's not really an AIBU I suppose because technically you're right and your bill should be less but it's such a tight way to behave for someone's birthday. I'd have split it.

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itsgettingwierd · 09/08/2021 10:10

@Mamette

Sometimes people don’t want to split, and while it may not suit the person who is getting a good deal, they really still need to respect it. Sending a message the next day is not on.

This.

It's an odd world where people can't accept that others do t want to split a bill and end up paying for someone else's dinner and/or drinks.

Where's the basic respect and understanding that someone may have just ordered what they can afford.
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SunShinesBrightly · 09/08/2021 10:10

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

Message back and say that being asked to pay £40 instead of £21 really upset you.

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SunShinesBrightly · 09/08/2021 10:11

£40 instead of £19 that should say.

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DifferentHair · 09/08/2021 10:12

Im going to disagree with the majority and say you should have just split it.

Im a vegetarian, don't like most pudding and I barely drink, but I propose splitting the bill when I am out in a group.

It's tiresome and breaks up the collegial/ fun vibe if one person wants everyone to pull out their calculators for the sake of a few pounds.

Especially as it's birthday. I would attend knowing id be dropping some money, not just on my meal but on the birthday girls, a tip and the party vibe as a whole.

I think if you became aware of a particularly massive drinks bill piling up (if they were ordering expensive bottles or loads of cocktails) it would be better to politely make it clear you're not drinking and ask for the alcohol to be tallied separately & split among the drinkers rather than with the meal.

But if they're just ordering a glass of wine here and there I do think it's a bit miserly to ask for everyone to pay separately at a party.

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Unsubscribed · 09/08/2021 10:12

Birthday girl IBU messaging you the next day. How embarassing of her

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itsgettingwierd · 09/08/2021 10:13

So 6 of you.

You pay and extra £20 of your bill (double) which saves £20 being split between 5 people - so £4 each.

I actually think this is what I'd be pointing out to my friend.

"I don't find your text very fair. You are actually suggesting it was unreasonable of me not to pay DOUBLE what my actual bill was to subsidise each other diner £4 towards what they actually ate and drank"

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BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 09/08/2021 10:13

@pinkyredrose

No but you should have said you weren't splitting at the beginning.

Are you saying that you choose what to eat/drink based on the size of the subsidy you expect from the people you're eating with?

Because that is the only possible reason you'd need to know in advance.
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notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 10:13

@DifferentHair Double what my own bill would be isn't just a few pounds though?

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SunShinesBrightly · 09/08/2021 10:13

@TheAverageUser

I'm going the other way, I think you should have split it. It's not really an AIBU I suppose because technically you're right and your bill should be less but it's such a tight way to behave for someone's birthday. I'd have split it.

It really isn’t.
Some people can’t afford £40 but can afford £19. I order what I can pay for.
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Eyesofdisarray · 09/08/2021 10:14

Would they have asked you for £20 to pay towards their wine etc??
No
Same difference
Don't feel bad- you paid extra; probably more than they did

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MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 09/08/2021 10:14

Easy to enjoy a party vibe though, when you are passing on a big chunk of your own bill to someone else!

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AlternativePerspective · 09/08/2021 10:14

@ TheAverageUser I think it depends though how much they’re drinking.

I am teetotal plus I have a 1500ml fluid restriction due to heart failure. We went out with another couple, and when we got there they’d already been there a while and had ordered a bottle of Prosecco.

They then each had a drink while waiting for dinner and ordered a bottle of wine with dinner. My DP had a couple of beers, but for the duration of the entire meal I only had one orange juice. And yet when the bill came they suggested splitting. My DP did, but I wasn’t amused, and never really saw them in the same light again.

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thanksforyourcommentrandomman · 09/08/2021 10:15

Nope, no way would I be paying more than double for what I had. You did nothing wrong OP, I'd be telling my 'friend' that she's bang out of order too

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Sleepingdogs12 · 09/08/2021 10:15

Tend to pay for what we have here but I do feel embarrassed sometimes for people who calculate to the nearest penny (all do same job so same income) or haggle to have money reduced for a course as they asked for one element to be removed, I tend to round up to ensure my part is well covered. So think there is a balance between not being taken advantage of and appearing really mean .

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Chesneyhawkes1 · 09/08/2021 10:15

YANBU. I've had to pay a split before when I wasn't drinking. Plus I'd only had a main.

Everyone else had 3 courses and lots of bottle of wine. Was annoying

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saraclara · 09/08/2021 10:16

@TheAverageUser

I'm going the other way, I think you should have split it. It's not really an AIBU I suppose because technically you're right and your bill should be less but it's such a tight way to behave for someone's birthday. I'd have split it.

No, it's a tight way for the others to behave. They're basically expecting OP to pay for their drinks.
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TooWicked · 09/08/2021 10:16

People who love a party vibe when they’re ordering fillet steak and a bottle of red, knowing that the schmuck who is eating an £8 pasta and a glass of water will be subbing them are disgusting.

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TheAverageUser · 09/08/2021 10:17

@AlternativePerspective yes, point taken. I actually assumed they hadn't drunk that much so you're right. The amount that couple you're taking about drank is a lot!

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KatherineJaneway · 09/08/2021 10:17

Really? Didn't know that was the form, to say 'I'm not splitting the bill today'

Always best to say at the start of the meal if you only want to pay for what you have. It shouldn't have to be that way but I find it stops any Hmm faces at the end of the meal if you are upfront.

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Auntienumber8 · 09/08/2021 10:17

As someone who will happily not drink alcohol I feel your pain. no yin shouldn’t subsidise them, cheeky devils.

On a side note culturally at family or very close long standing friendship meals in my culture older males will argue about who gets the honour of paying the entire bill. I remember the first time English DH saw this he was taken aback. We are not the oldest generation though so I had to tell him to let a senior family member pay the entire bill and not to insult them by insisting on contributing.

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DifferentHair · 09/08/2021 10:17

@notonyournelleee true, I guess it's all relative.

Personally I would have just sucked it up, but equally I would not be offended if someone else in the group asked to pay separately.

As a non drinking vego, I suppose I've just come to accept I'll be subsidising group meals to some extent.

Your friend was very rude to text you though. And as you knew her and not the others, it would have been more considerate of her to observe that you had ordered a lot less and for her to suggest paying separately. Then you could have said no, and insisted you were happy to split equally. Or accepted and it would have been less awkward all around.

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cheninblanc · 09/08/2021 10:17

Yanbu. I went out Friday and drank and my friend didn't. She paid her bit and I paid the rest, it was my choice to have more expense

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Notaroadrunner · 09/08/2021 10:18

@TheAverageUser

I'm going the other way, I think you should have split it. It's not really an AIBU I suppose because technically you're right and your bill should be less but it's such a tight way to behave for someone's birthday. I'd have split it.

No it's not being tight. Why the fuck should one person have to stump up more than £20 more than their share to pay for the others drinks? @notonyournelleee you were 100% right in not splitting the bill. I'd respond with a laughing emoji and ask if she honestly thinks you should have had to pay towards them getting pissed.
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