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Friend annoyed that I wouldn't split the bill

999 replies

notonyournelleee · 09/08/2021 09:48

6 of us went out for a nice meal for DFriend's birthday.

I was the only one who didn't drink alcohol. Just a few lemonades. At the end one person said 'Should we just split the bill then?' But she didn't say it as a question, more of a leading statement. She then got her phone out and split it 6 ways. Came to just over £40 each!

I said 'Sorry, no. You've all drunk quite a bit and I've had no alcohol at all. Would you mind if I pay separately?'

They said yeah fine... and the atmosphere was a little odd after that. We all went our separate ways after that. It wasn't a particularly expensive place but not cheap. Food very reasonably priced but of course the alcohol stacked up the bill significantly

Ive been messaged my birthday girl this morning to say I was really out of order and should've just split. Everyone was a bit upset.

AIBU to not have split?!

I felt like I was being fair there. She also said she was opening her gifts from me in the evening but I've had no words in a way of thank you Sad

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CounsellorTroi · 09/08/2021 10:18

Would they have asked you for £20 to pay towards their wine etc??

This exactly. No one would have asked the OP to put £20 in a drinks kitty before the meal knowing she didn’t drink, so why is it acceptable to expect her to pay after the meal?

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StoppinBy · 09/08/2021 10:19

They were upset that you would cover part of their costs?

I do not understand how that is in anyway ok.

Tell her that you were upset at the idea of paying double the cost of your bill so that they paid less than they should have.

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Foobydoo · 09/08/2021 10:20

It should never be compulsory to split the bill. I might raise an eyebrow if everyone had had similar meals and drink and one person wanted to pay for their meal to the penny but I wouldn't say anything.
And it is actually very rude to expect a non drinker to split the bill when everyone else has had lots of alcohol. I would always speak up in this situation and say ' actually notinyournellee didn't drink, shall we add her bill up then we can split the rest'

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NinaBallerinaShoes · 09/08/2021 10:20

The birthday girl is not your friend. How mean of her to text you instead of enjoying her birthday and thanking you for her gift. Says a lot about her doesn’t it.

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VladmirsPoutine · 09/08/2021 10:20

As it was a birthday dinner I wouldn't have minded splitting but just a dinner out then I'd split.

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LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 09/08/2021 10:20

She is so BU!

I also bet your tip money wasn't given to the staff and they just took your £25 off the bill and then divided it between themselves.

No wonder waiting staff hate larger parties!

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Lulu1919 · 09/08/2021 10:20

I would have said no too if what I'd spent was £19 and they wanted £40 from me ....it's just not fair
My husband only drinks tap water although I do like a glass of wine or two with dinner.
When we've split bills with another couple we've paid say 40/60 ...we've paid the 40

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Pinchoftums · 09/08/2021 10:21

Absolutely not cheeky. I am a drinker and always make sure any non drinking friends don't have to pay for my booze.
We did have a brunch with no alcohol the other day and went to split the bill and one tight friend asked to pay her bit separately bringing her bill down by £1.20 we did all smirk at that. Especially as she is possibly the richest amongst us.

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Alwayswonderedwhy · 09/08/2021 10:21

Yanbu I don't get why people have an issue with this.

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LuxOlente · 09/08/2021 10:22

Honestly these days it's so simple for the waiter to go around with a card machine and everyone to just pay their share. Our group never splits evenly, never even considers it - that's old-fashioned. You just look at your individual bill and say what you're paying. Faster and no one gets shitty - and you don't end up with people in the group who are hoping for discounted booze.

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MyFloorIsLava · 09/08/2021 10:22

I'll never forget being a skint student going out for a meal, having one course (pasta dish, cheapest thing on the menu) and one small glass of wine when everyone else was having three courses, bottles of wine, brandy at the end and the daggers that were shot at me and ex when we wouldn't split the bill. If I had the money to pay for a £££ meal I'd have bloody ordered a dessert and more wine, fgs.

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jay55 · 09/08/2021 10:22

Having been the skint friend in the past and paid far more than my share to save face. I'm pretty vocal now about those who only had water or one course when bill splitting talk comes up.

And I avoid meals with the sort of people who order 'platters for the table' to start, that mysteriously always end up their end the table.

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WarOnWoman · 09/08/2021 10:22

You did nothing wrong. Next time you go out with a group of people, just remember to ask for the drinks bill to be separated from the food bill.

I am vegetarian and don't drink either. I don't mind splitting the food bill even if others have steak but I will not split the bill for alcohol.

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Whammyyammy · 09/08/2021 10:22

Why not go the whole hog and contribute to their taxi home! You saved money by driving, so why not put an extra £20 in to go towards the taxi of those thst drank......

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doesthiscomewithfries · 09/08/2021 10:23

The ONLY way I would consider this not CFuckery is if the friend intended to split the bill to cover the birthday girls cost. But if I've read it right she didn't. She worked it out for all six of them.

I don't understand how someone can be upset about having to pay for something they've ordered.

How close are you with your friend? I would have to mention it. And then probably not go for a meal with her again.

This is all alien to me. Most meals with my friends end in a Mrs Doyle bun fight to pay.

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onelittlefrog · 09/08/2021 10:23

@Balgoresboy

Meh I see where you are coming from but it was 40 quid, I would just have split it to avoid tension and because I rarely eat out with friends. Having said that your friend is a bitch for texting you like that and the others need to grow up if that upset them.

£40 isn't spare change for some people.

You sound very privileged!

It was double the cost of what OP actually had.
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SpiderinaWingMirror · 09/08/2021 10:23

As long as the 25 covered your food and soft drinks yanbu. Your friend is being a diva princess and should grow up.
With my friends we split if we have all had the same give or take.
But if one is not drinking, only had a main etc, they put in theres until it gets to those of us that have had equal stuff and then we divide it between the rest.

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Zhampagne · 09/08/2021 10:23

Amongst my friends we would have split the bill five ways to cover the birthday person but that's a slightly different issue. You haven't done anything wrong but if the rest of the group are used to splitting the bill they might have been taken aback. They probably didn't notice that you weren't drinking.

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MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 09/08/2021 10:24

Have you texted her back OP? Don't let her get away with this attitude - I think she needs to see your perspective

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Zhampagne · 09/08/2021 10:24

If it was the first time that you have been out with the others then your friend probably feels responsible for you and is embarrassed. It's very wrong of her to take that out on you though.

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UserStillatLarge · 09/08/2021 10:24

I think it's only cheeky is this is a group you routinely go out with and you are happy to split the bill when it's in your favour.

The vast majority of the people I go out for meals with are alert to whether everyone's had roughly the same or whether there is significant disparities. In this case, the higher payers will agree to put in extra to bring the general contribution down.

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TooWicked · 09/08/2021 10:25

I also don’t understand the “you should have said at the start you weren’t splitting the bill”.

What difference does that make? Confused

That suggests to me that some posters on here might order differently if they know at the start of the meal that they’re not being subbed by their fellow diners.

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OaxacaChihuahua · 09/08/2021 10:25

Personally I would always rather pay over my share than try to divvy up the bill because I find it SO tedious and awkward, but if someone else wanted to only pay their share I certainly wouldn’t quibble about it or be annoyed.

Your friend was rude to bring it up with you and rude not to thank you for her presents, no doubt about it.

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onelittlefrog · 09/08/2021 10:26

I've never been in a situation where a person not drinking has been asked to split the bill/ cover alcoholic drinks.

It seems really unfair to me.

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Alieninmybody · 09/08/2021 10:26

Did you reply back yet?
I would be asking her why she thinks it's ok to expect you to pay an extra £21 for drink you didn't have.

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