Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell him to fuck right off?

432 replies

cheekyfucker21 · 08/08/2021 20:31

Long story short ... my "teenage crush" from secondary school (let's call him Ben) is now apparently "happily" married with kids yet he continues to message me intermittently on social media asking for (more like demanding at times) naughty pics.

So as not to drip feed, here's the history to this ... Ben and I had a bit of a fling (occasional casual sex) back in our early 20s when both young and carefree. We are both now mid 30s. I'm now in a happy relationship of 6 years with let's call him Tom, and we have a baby; Ben is now married and to the rest of the world on social media presents as all loved up and happy. Over recent years he has popped up now and then with random "how are you" messages - fine; no problem. I'll reply to those. But a couple of years ago Tom and I went through a rough patch in our relationship and we temporarily split. We were apart for only 4-6 weeks or so. In that time Ben was in touch (he was not married at this time). This time the content of the chat was more sexual - a few pictures were exchanged. Not my proudest moment but I was in a shitty place emotionally with the split from Tom and had no idea at that stage how permanent that split would be. Anyway ... Tom and I worked things out and I stopped messaging Ben. He continued to message, I told him I was back with Tom... he didn't take the hint. So I ignored.

Fast forward to now (approx 3 years down the line from this). Tom and I have resolved the issues that caused the temporary split and we have a baby. We are happy. Ben popped up again recently on my messages having seen pictures I'd shared of new baby to say congratulations. I said thanks. Engaged in normal platonic chit chat. Said I notice you're married now, congratulations, etc. Didn't take him long however to return to comments along the lines of "missing" the pictures I used to send, or commenting on how "good" I look, etc. I began to ignore again.

Problem is - he just keeps messaging at random moments. Like the middle of the night saying things like "I'm drunk... would love to see another sexy pic" etc etc. He's bloody married now ffs and I'm happy with Tom and our new family. When I don't reply to his message and just delete it, I get another shortly after ..."come on, you know you want to...." etc.

At the moment I'm managing this by reading and deleting. I'm close to telling him to fuck off and blocking him but I don't want to be a dick about it because we've known each other since we were kids and we have some mutual friends. But honestly, I can't stand these constant demands from him!

Also, did I invite this by engaging with it in the brief time Tom and I split? I now feel responsible for it, somehow?

Wwyd?

OP posts:
icedcoffees · 08/08/2021 20:33

Just block him.

I don't understand why you haven't done so.

Thelnebriati · 08/08/2021 20:34

No you didn't invite it; he's a sex pest that doesn't take hints so just block him.

Goawayquickly · 08/08/2021 20:34

you don’t want to be a dick by blocking him? Oh come on. He’s a sex pest. I’d threaten to tell his wife then block.

DowntonCrabby · 08/08/2021 20:35

Just block him, don’t give him the time of day by replying at all, even if it is to say “fuck off”

covetingthepreciousthings · 08/08/2021 20:35

Block him, I'm surprised you haven't already..

Decemberly · 08/08/2021 20:35

Agreed, I would have blocked him long before now.

ALbigbump · 08/08/2021 20:36

Hi, you are not responsible. You engaged with him a long time ago when you were both single. You sound like you’ve been clear to him now that you are not interested. Block him, and don’t look back. What are you gaining from keeping in touch with him?

lioncitygirl · 08/08/2021 20:37

just block him - why haven't you done so?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 08/08/2021 20:37

Just block him. You aren't the one being a dick here.

Ginger1982 · 08/08/2021 20:38

Block him. Unless you secretly get a thrill out of receiving the messages.

ScrumptiousBears · 08/08/2021 20:38

My ex did this. I blocked him on everything. Never looked back.

cheekyfucker21 · 08/08/2021 20:39

I haven't blocked because I feel like that would make me a bit of dick somehow because of the length of time we've known each other and we have mutual friends. For example if I was to go back to my home town and arrange to meet up with old friends (as I do occasionally), there's a good chance Ben would be in the places we would go out to. If that makes sense. I don't want to make it awkward. But sex pest is definitely the right word for it.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 08/08/2021 20:39

I don’t even know why you need the long post about this. It is very simple, you block him and that is the end of it.

Di11y · 08/08/2021 20:40

Block him

Tiana4 · 08/08/2021 20:40

Reply one text that says "Stop contacting me" and block him on everything - phone, messenger, IG, fb. Every route. He's an ex who won't stop harassing you.

I stay in touch with a few childhood school friends, but not sex pest or harassing creeps . I think you know which he is.

Ninkanink · 08/08/2021 20:41

What? Blocking him would make you a dick??

Tell him to fuck off, then block.

Thelnebriati · 08/08/2021 20:41

You aren't the one making it awkward, stop trying to take responsibility for his behaviour.

QueenBee52 · 08/08/2021 20:41

Any guy demanding.. sorry 'asking' for PICS...

is likely messaging 30 other woman asking for the same thing...

don't be some randoms Wank Bank. Flowers

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/08/2021 20:42

I’d send a screenshot to his wife and then block him. He has made this awkward. You owe him nothing.

Potatoy · 08/08/2021 20:43

Just block him

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2021 20:43

@cheekyfucker21

I haven't blocked because I feel like that would make me a bit of dick somehow because of the length of time we've known each other and we have mutual friends. For example if I was to go back to my home town and arrange to meet up with old friends (as I do occasionally), there's a good chance Ben would be in the places we would go out to. If that makes sense. I don't want to make it awkward. But sex pest is definitely the right word for it.
Seriously?

Stop making a meal of it and just block him.

If you really want to you can warn him first that any more nonsense and that's what'll happen.

That way it won't be awkward if you meet up after you blocked him because he would've had his warning.

But I'd be inclined just to bin the twat.

jellybean88 · 08/08/2021 20:44

Just block him, cant be that close friends if you never went to his wedding or see him within your social circle

nancydroo · 08/08/2021 20:44

All I can think of is you blocking him, he doesn't seem to listen to what you want. He could cause real problems with you and Tom.

SingingInTheShithouse · 08/08/2021 20:44

Errrr , he's a sex pest, why wouldn't you tell him to feck off Confused

There's nothing flattering about any of this, he has his Dick in his hands pre wank & is looking for a bit of titillation & you'll do. Hardly flattering is is 🤷‍♀️

Tell him he's a dick, he's married, you're married & happy & he needs to sort his fucking boundaries out, or feck off for good, any more of the unsolicited smut talk & you'll be telling his wife

Monkeybusinesss · 08/08/2021 20:45

Weird that you wouldn’t block. Very weird

Swipe left for the next trending thread