To ask if your DH asked your father before proposing

[deeplyambivalent]

Prompted by another thread. Did your DH ask your father before proposing? If so, did your dad keep the secret or tip you off? Did you think it was sweet?

No despite mum taking me aside to strongly suggest he should do

No but he asked my son. It was absolutely the right thing to do.

My daughters' boyfriends didn't ask for permission but they did ask for our blessing before proposing although we knew they were going to get married anyway. Whether they had asked or not we would have given our blessing.

Yes, the second time my husband met my parents, he asked if he could speak with my dad and asked for his “permission” to propose to me. I had only met DH a few months earlier. My dad was quite surprised at this point to say the least, but apparently DH said he would look after me etc etc, so he gave him the benefit the doubt. My dad was also concerned that DH was Muslim and would require me to convert, but when it was clarified that this was not the case, that was a relief for him (as they are Catholic).

Nobody told me anything and I only found out after he proposed to me some weeks later. He did do a lovely proposal and I’m glad he did that. This was in 2002. My husband can tend to be quite formal, but at least he makes an effort so I think this is better than nothing.

Yes.
He did it in front of several family members. My cousin cried

Fuck no. If he had, I wouldn't have married him.

I didn't ask them, more told them. She's not theirs to choose, it was up to my wife to say yes or no,. Merely informed them out of common courtesy.

No because I'm an adult and I don't need my dad's permission to do anything. My dad doesn't own me. I think it's creepy tbh.
Although DH didn't ask me either. We just decided to get married.

My husband spoke to my dad and brother. Not for permission really more like just a respectful reassuring conversation with they happened to be in same room alone… just said something like I’m planning on asking Mrs Sugar to marry me what dye think. They were really pleased and no I wasn’t tipped off

No because I'm not a child or someone's property.

Its actually a horrible throwback that infantises women. I've never understood why women think its sweet like turkeys voting for Christmas

I'd have left him if he had. My father doesn't own me

No, and if he had I certainly wouldn't have said yes! I'm not a possession to be dealt between men!

No ! We told our families together that we were getting married.

No - I was not something that needed permission to be 'given away'
We decided to get married and then told our parents together.

@Chunkymenrock

He did, 21 years ago. Thought it was sweet then. Now I think it's ridiculous. A woman is not her father's property. Times change and it's inappropriate now.

I got married longer than 21 years ago. It's really not that long ago and things haven't changed that much since then!

My father would have laughed if my husband had asked permission.

MrsSugar

Why did their opinion matter?
Are you not a grown woman capable of maiking your own decisions?
If counsel was needed then surely you should have been asking your father and brother not him?
The whole this sticks like a fur ball in my throat.

No he didn't. I'd have been annoyed if he asked my dad for my hand in marriage.

I know one of my friends spoke to his wife-to-be's parents before proposing, not as permission though. They'd already been open about marriage being on the cards at some point so it wasn't a surprise. It was a nice way to make it exciting for the wider family.

He spoke to my parents....they’re quite traditional and really appreciated it. My mother actually got up to leave and he said he wanted to speak to them both.

No, but we already had a baby when he proposed so asking my dad would have been extra weird

No! I would have been furious and refused to marry him on principle. I am not a fucking chattel! I refused to be "given away" during the ceremony for exactly the same reasons.

Absolutely not. My Dad would have been confused because he raised 3 independent women. I'd have been furious and wondering if my other half knew me at all.

Nope he didn't ask my dad. He asked my kids though. But only after we had talked and decided to get married. He was joining our family and wanted the kids to feel included. It wasn't my husband and I getting married it was the 4 of us officially becoming a family.

It happened to me and I hated it. My dad (90), bless him, told me afterwards that he'd been a bit taken aback and said dubiously: "She's the boss, you'll have to ask her". (I'm very definitely more of a discussion-and-mutual-agreement kind of person.)

He didn't ask him (which is what DF would've expected/wanted), but he phoned him and told him he was going to propose, and he hoped he had DF and DM's approval. He'd have proposed anyway, it was more to keep the peace from DH's point of view, and it worked to the extent that my DF felt he'd been 'asked' (consulted, maybe?) and so didn't kick off (about that aspect of our wedding, anyway!) My DF is a strange one when it comes to traditions and Doing The Right Thing (that's a whole other thread) and I don't blame DH for trying to appease him with a meaningless conversation, the outcome of which wouldn't have prevented us getting married anyway

Jesus no.

And if he had, my dad would've pointed out he certainly wasn't the husband for me if that's how little he knew me.