To think gynaecologist was a bit harsh ? ***title edited to add a trigger warning for content that might affect those with eating disorders***

[Boysandme269]

So basically I had my ds2 6 months ago and I'm EBF however my period returned 4 weeks ago and it was extremely heavy and then 2 weeks later I got another one

Having health anixtety this alarmed me
I've always had 28 day periods even after DS1 and never heavy so I wasn't expecting such issues nor for them to return so soon

My gp wasn't interested and said as I had a clear smear a month ago it would just be hormones settling down
However due to the health anixety I decided to see a gynaecologist privately

I explained the situation to gynaecologist and at first she was going down the I'm sure it's breastfeeding causing the issue
However I happened to say I've noticed this time I'm heavier than what I was with DS1 could this of contributed?

Now when I say I'm heavier I've always being slim and now I'm not my bmi is 25 so I think pushing overweight but I'm not huge

She glanced at me and looked to my stomach and said well yes you are holding Weight in your middle
She said it is probably making you realise more hormones etc
She went on to say I mean you could literally go 6 months without eating and be fine

By this point I was mortified and she started talking about problems from girls who hold weight around their middles

At this point I interjected and said I don't carry weight around my middle. I hold my weight around my hips and thighs, I've just not shifted all the baby weight yet

So she said well you must have developed insulin resistance because you have tummy fat now

Is it not normal to have a bit of excess fat 6 months after a c section?

I ended up having to show a picture of my pre pregnancy body to prove I do infact usually have a flat toned stomach

She asked if I had GD etc which I didn't
And then she did a scan

Cervix healthy .. womb healthy left ovary perfect but she said right ovary had a couple of follicles so it was trying to ovulate but when on to say my weight meant it polycystic

She also said I see you have a couple of hairs on your stomach so you probably have polycycstic ovary syndrome and you will be insulin resistant and told me to change my diet or I'd be diabetic type 2

Now prior to DS2 my bmi has always been around 21/22 .. I did get a couple of hairs on my tummy when pregnant but I am not hairy
I lose weight fairly easy.. I started gym this week and have lost almost half a stone so I feel il lose last baby weight fine

I have always had regular 28 day periods and conceived both my children on first month without contraception
I did not have GD and as part of a work up by my Gp in relation to another health condition
I categorically know I'm not pre diabetic or insulin resistance my sugars are fine ( needed to know for steroids I have to take)

I asked again at end of appointment if I have PCOS and she said not as such but I have problem induced by my weight it should resolve

I thought pcos was life long ? Also I've had scans on ovaries before and I've never had a few follicles

Do you think I'm being ridiculous to be upset by this manner ?
I basically feel like i look like a fat disgusting beast now
Does it should like I have Pcos ?
Also the smallest part of my body is my waist the fat on my tummy is like a little bit over my c section scar does this sound like I have a problem with my middle ?

Quite devastated with how repulsive this person felt I looked , thought I was doing OK for having had little one 6 months ago

[quote Boysandme269]@StarryStarrySocks oh yes she said it and someone who battled anorexia for several years it was probably the comment I didn't need to hear[/quote]
OP I work in the most weight focused job on the planet (PT) and I am absolutely fuming for you. How dare she say that about the 6 months? Disgusting. You sound very normal, losing the baby weight on a good trajectory (and if you don't for a long time, don't feel pressured, your amazing body just made a baby!!). I've seen countless women come in over the last 20 years and honestly if she was a PT and I overheard what she said to you, I'd report her.

You should report her, because she was bang out of order, unprofes and if that's what she really thinks, crap at her job.

Amazing job rejoining the gym btw, and for losing some weight, great effort!!

Also whats with the infantilising women after they've had women as if they don't know their own bodies? That all drives me nuts. I'd have been so upset of I'd just gone through that appointment.

*after they've had babies, not women, sorry

I think her bedside manner was poor but she had to give her professional opinion, she’s a gynaecologist who will have seen hundreds of women all shapes and sizes. Carrying fat around your middle can lead to all sorts of health problems (like diabetes) and isn’t PCOS thought to be caused by insulin resistance? Weight doesn’t ‘cause’ poly cystic ovaries but can be a contributing factor.

6 months of breastfeeding and I was at my thinnest ever, so maybe she’s used to seeing underweight women when they’ve been breastfeeding for months? You have to consume a lot of calories to maintain your weight over months of breastfeeding.

I don’t think it’s ‘normal’ to carry weight around your middle if you didn’t carry it there before pregnancy so I wouldn’t dismiss her advice entirely.

At least she did a scan and checked for any other causes like fibroids or separation of the abdominal muscles.

@Vallmo47

@Boysandme269
I’m glad you’re going to speak to your other half later, I hope he’s able to reassure you that you are lovely as you are!
If you ever do look around (and I’m sure we all do, not all of us judging), you will see you are very much normal, if not slimmer than most.
Don’t let anyone get to you.

Awesome lovely post! How nice

[quote Boysandme269]@butterpuffed

I didn't aim to lose so much in the last week I just went to the gym alot as its first week I've felt OK enough to do so

But in light of her comments I feel a immense pressure to lose weight quickly

I don't want to affect my supply etc though so I will try not to be obsessive about it[/quote]
OP and everyone else reading this, it's normal for some women at the beginning of a decent weight loss programme to see big results early. Nothing unusual about the OPs experience thus far. She's doing the right thing, nothing more to say.

Can't believe the combination of incorrect comments and nastiness on this thread.

Nonsense that a scattering of hairs on the tummy means PCOS. Prominent hirsutism is a symptom, sure, but not a few stray ones under the tummy button.

The fixation on PCOS if you are a bit overweight and happen to have some errant hairs. I got it from several doctors. Strangely, by the time I got to a top private reproductive endocrinologist for a complete fertility work up, there was absolutely no mention of PCOS. Not among my issues at all. It’s been almost 25 years since it first got brought up and none of the dreaded predictions have materialized despite my continued struggles with my weight. I know it’s a very real condition, but I’ve come to suspect some doctors jump to a diagnosis as an ‘acceptable’ way to fat shame patients.

@BlueSurfer my comment to you Is called sarcasm

You said I was overweight and mentioned making excuses for it

@BlueSurfer

I just re read .. to update I have checked today my bmi is 24.3 .. my baby had been turned 6 months on that appointment

I'm glad to hear you've had 4 pregnancies didnt gain a pound and lost it the day the babies came out your stomach well-done that's absolutely awesome

I actually have a condition that does sometimes flare and affect mobility which I'm on steroids for so I'm not making any kind of excuse

Bmi 25 is boredline .. not a weight problem ... not like that was my bmi 6 years after childbirth

That’s not what I said and it’s the fact you read one thing and turn it into something else entirely that makes me doubt very much that what you are saying the gynaecologist said is the truth.

Did you consider that perhaps the op who does have issues around eating disorder and weight as it is, might be feeling more than a little sensitive after all the bashing she has received on here, and therefore is perhaps either not trusting that you mean kindly what you say, or she is feeling over sensitive now and is misunderstanding you? Rather than lying about what happened? That she is feeling upset and lashing out because of this thread and the constant accusations on a thread where she needed support for being made to feel really unattractive by a medical health professional- and so is already sensitive to anything about her weight? Especially to posts from people like you who wrote the following..

Perhaps a psychiatrist would be helpful for you and I’m not being nasty, but you clearly have a lot of issues about weight in general (your weight and other people’s) and you turn facts into lies.

She admits she has health anxiety and an eating disorder. She hasn’t denied that she offered us that information. So this nasty dig disguised as advice that she see a psychiatrist (based on a thread on the internet - nothing more) is just clearly “to be nasty” in fact. She knows she has weight related issues. She doesn’t need you who doesn’t even believe her, pretending to care, telling her to get mental help. After calling her a liar. Then proceeding to call her a liar again! What facts has she turned into lies? Or do you mean she might have been over sensitive occasionally because of the massive amount of people calling her a liar? Oh and what other people’s weight has she an issue with? Can you direct me to the post where she states she has issues with other peoples weight?

@StrangeToSee she sctually mentioned not seeing many post partum women as she presumes most wouldn't be as worried as I was about funny periods so maybe not

Regardless its a very specific pouch of weight I've not lost , I don't have a large middle.

I know insulin resistance etc are not a issue for me, I had a blood work up recently as requested by a rheumatologist and I'm certain some medications are not favourable for pre diabetics etc which I'm not

I have not been very active since Ds2 up until last week when I went back to gym until then then due to health issues I was the least active I've ever been and on steroids, I'd think this is more likely why I've not lost weight quickly rather than suggesting I'm insulin resistant

This is getting ridiculous now.

@Boysandme269

I think you might be better now talking to your lovely fella and having a nice treat for yourself and leave this thread behind.

I don’t know what the fudge is going on with this thread but apart from some really lovely supportive posters; it’s full of goady nasty gas lighting shite from a lot of people and I don’t think it will help you. Or perhaps start a new thread in somewhere other than AIBU, cos this section is nasty at the best of times but this thread is just .. beyond. And you deserve the support you came here for. I’m so sorry for all this going on. It’s making me quite cross.

Sorry @Boysandme269

My last post at the blue surfer poster I said weight related issues; I actually meant your eating disorder and your worry about putting on weight or falling back Into your eating disorder. I didn’t mean actual weight issues as in you weigh too much! You’re stats seem great to me for a new mum only 6 months in!

@LadyInParis

It's funny the post about seeing a psychiatrist as I actually am and I told her my worries about the bleeding and it was her who suggested rather than obsessively googling and fretting on this occasion if I have the means I should get it checked and put it to bed

Also the health anxiety spiralled after DS2 was born and a doctor made a error resulting in a very sick baby, I took home a little boy who I was told may have CP , hearing loss etc , he's only just been discharged from pediatrics and we still await further testing in relation to his hearing
If any of the women on this thread could go through that and not be a little extra anxious/ cautious after around health issues then I applaud them

Thank you so much for your lovely posts and defending me
I felt to embarssed to tell my husband/ mum what she said about the not eating for 6 months so posted here, won't make that mistake again

Thanks again

It’s the focus on other people’s weight inc the gynaecologist. The best thing for you to do is to read through just the OP’s posts and then you’ll be able to see for yourself

I have read all the posts on here. I’m disgusted. I really am. Of course someone with an eating disorder will focus more than usual on other peoples and their own weight. It’s not for someone who calls her a liar to tell her to go to a psychiatrist and effectively how to manage her own health issues. And that’s not what she came here for either. It just seems dishonest in one breath to call her a liar and in the other to try to appear to give kindly life advice.

@BlueSurfer I don't even know what a drip feed is this Is the first post I've ever put on mumsnet
Maybe you've been spending too much time here with all these terms and accusations

She went on to say I mean you could literally go 6 months without eating and be fine wow that’s unbelievable!

@Boysandme269

You’re more than welcome

@BlueSurfer

All of this is mostly presumptive. But even so.

Say you are right. That she is this way. Then it will be because of her eating disorder right? So does that mean she isn’t deserving of respect and kindness and support then? Because her medical issue/ mental health issues around eating and weight make her act a particular way? Is that her fault?

Oh my goodness. I can’t even with this thread.

I’m out.

Good luck op ❤️

@BlueSurfer

Sometimes people need to bluntly hear that they are overweight and need to lose it. It sounds like that was the case here as you are overweight and still finding excuses for it. However, that doesn’t excuse sniggering or saying you don’t need to eat for six months. It’s quite possible for some of what you were told to be correct and some to have not been appropriate.

I’ve had very different periods after every pregnancy and never back to how they were before my first pregnancy. That’s quite normal. I’ve also had four c sections.

You are overweight and making excuses for it

That is what you said so one of us is lying and it isn't me

Thank you.

BlueSurfer - I’ve reported you for your language towards the OP and for your gaslighting behaviour.

I’m so sorry OP, I am appalled by the way you’re being treated on here.

[quote Boysandme269]@violetvesper to make it worse she sniggered as she said it

I mean she seemed repulsed by me

I have to say other than my pregnancies and smears I've never visited a doc about lady issues and I'd very put off about doing so again[/quote]
I say this gently, but I wonder if some of your issues health anxiety, former ED, have potentially skewed how you viewed the medic’s conduct.

I've been through and reported everyone trollhunting and gaslighting on this thread. Wasn't aware MN had turned into Year Eight, surely as adults we can have a little more thoughtfulness? If a poster came on to say her DH had posted half these comments, people would be up in arms. Do better.

OP, I hope you've managed to talk to your partner and had a nice cuddle with your baby. Take as much time as you need, and then complain, so she doesn't get the opportunity to do harm to other women