To think gynaecologist was a bit harsh ? ***title edited to add a trigger warning for content that might affect those with eating disorders***

[Boysandme269]

So basically I had my ds2 6 months ago and I'm EBF however my period returned 4 weeks ago and it was extremely heavy and then 2 weeks later I got another one

Having health anixtety this alarmed me
I've always had 28 day periods even after DS1 and never heavy so I wasn't expecting such issues nor for them to return so soon

My gp wasn't interested and said as I had a clear smear a month ago it would just be hormones settling down
However due to the health anixety I decided to see a gynaecologist privately

I explained the situation to gynaecologist and at first she was going down the I'm sure it's breastfeeding causing the issue
However I happened to say I've noticed this time I'm heavier than what I was with DS1 could this of contributed?

Now when I say I'm heavier I've always being slim and now I'm not my bmi is 25 so I think pushing overweight but I'm not huge

She glanced at me and looked to my stomach and said well yes you are holding Weight in your middle
She said it is probably making you realise more hormones etc
She went on to say I mean you could literally go 6 months without eating and be fine

By this point I was mortified and she started talking about problems from girls who hold weight around their middles

At this point I interjected and said I don't carry weight around my middle. I hold my weight around my hips and thighs, I've just not shifted all the baby weight yet

So she said well you must have developed insulin resistance because you have tummy fat now

Is it not normal to have a bit of excess fat 6 months after a c section?

I ended up having to show a picture of my pre pregnancy body to prove I do infact usually have a flat toned stomach

She asked if I had GD etc which I didn't
And then she did a scan

Cervix healthy .. womb healthy left ovary perfect but she said right ovary had a couple of follicles so it was trying to ovulate but when on to say my weight meant it polycystic

She also said I see you have a couple of hairs on your stomach so you probably have polycycstic ovary syndrome and you will be insulin resistant and told me to change my diet or I'd be diabetic type 2

Now prior to DS2 my bmi has always been around 21/22 .. I did get a couple of hairs on my tummy when pregnant but I am not hairy
I lose weight fairly easy.. I started gym this week and have lost almost half a stone so I feel il lose last baby weight fine

I have always had regular 28 day periods and conceived both my children on first month without contraception
I did not have GD and as part of a work up by my Gp in relation to another health condition
I categorically know I'm not pre diabetic or insulin resistance my sugars are fine ( needed to know for steroids I have to take)

I asked again at end of appointment if I have PCOS and she said not as such but I have problem induced by my weight it should resolve

I thought pcos was life long ? Also I've had scans on ovaries before and I've never had a few follicles

Do you think I'm being ridiculous to be upset by this manner ?
I basically feel like i look like a fat disgusting beast now
Does it should like I have Pcos ?
Also the smallest part of my body is my waist the fat on my tummy is like a little bit over my c section scar does this sound like I have a problem with my middle ?

Quite devastated with how repulsive this person felt I looked , thought I was doing OK for having had little one 6 months ago

@SpidersAreShitheads the looking me up and down and the sniggering came at two different points in the appointment

If I had gave every detail in my OP it would of been too long
There was several weight related comments eg questions about did I have Gestational diabetes and saying I was probably insulin resistant

And on my children's life she said I could survive 6 months without eating

I mentioned that particular comment as I was mortified when she said it

I may be sensnsitive but I'm not a liar and she said that sorry that's hard for you to believe

@butterpuffed

I didn't aim to lose so much in the last week I just went to the gym alot as its first week I've felt OK enough to do so

But in light of her comments I feel a immense pressure to lose weight quickly

I don't want to affect my supply etc though so I will try not to be obsessive about it

@Suzi888 particularly the ones which state I'm lying about what she said and the ones which suggest I do have a serious issue

I'd like the ladies to tell me their secret to dropping all baby weight the minute their children arrived

The gynaecologist's bedside manner left a lot to be desired.

I bet you wish you had stuck with your GP.

I wasn't aware that being hairy alone meant you have pcos?
I have a hairy tummy, chin hair etc but when my ovaries were scanned at 12 weeks was told they are completely healthy.

Well 6 months ago you had a baby. She was being rude and unreasonable. It takes 9 months to have a baby. Few people bounce back pre-pregnancy weight.
Only you know if your over weight by your height weight ratio.

You dont have PCOS, its just hormones. Should have listened to your GP tbh:)

[quote Boysandme269]@Suzi888 particularly the ones which state I'm lying about what she said and the ones which suggest I do have a serious issue

I'd like the ladies to tell me their secret to dropping all baby weight the minute their children arrived[/quote]
When I had my first baby, I lost all my weight and more. I was only 19 and rarely ate because I never stopped.
When I had my children late thirties, it took a lot more effort to shift it.
Its metabolism.

@NotMyselfWithoutCoffee most women I know have hair where they would rather they didn't

A few of my friends get lips chips threaded etc
Completely normal I'm sure otherwise the number of ladies with PCOS must be insane

I'm wondering if a private gynaecologist is used to seeing rich, "perfect " looking women who have elective c sections so they can get back to body beautiful ASAP after birth? That's the only explanation that I can think of.

Op there is an enemy of luck. Some women will lose weaving easily. Some women will lose weight BF. But lots of women hold onto weight whilst BF especially round the middle.

Element not enemy !

@WorraLiberty I’m really shocked particularly, by your posts on this thread. From what I have seen of your many replies- help and reasonable advice over the years on here- you are usually so very reasonable and kind. Perhaps blunt at times only to be helpful- but never this cruel.

What exactly have I said that's cruel?

That the OP should think carefully about the exact words the gynecologist used and then write a formal complaint, based on what she did say, rather than how the OP has interpreted it?

Such as the gynecologist thought she looked 'fat and repulsive' etc?

@AntiFlag of course if she had said the extra weight from the baby will be affecting things, that would of been fine, it makes logical sense

I mean recently I had a steroid shot in my foot and we discussed carry baby etc and extra weight was probably making everything feel worse, I wasn't offended nor upset by this because its logical, she just really seemed to say more than needed

I totally get that, her delivery does sound awful. I’d write it all down, give yourself a day and then if you’re still cross, make a complaint. I just think that sometimes we get wrapped up in these things when letting them go can be better for us mentally.

Specialists are not trained in nutrition and dietetics. A cousin of mine who is a clinical dietician working in hospitals regularly despairs of the dreadful dietary advice dished out to patients by consultants.

Some are great and do their research but the doctors who cause her problems are those who have read a bit and not followed up the research properly.

Find another gynae if you continue to have problems. As for complaining - a key question would be was she aware of your history of eating disorders? If so then it was a stupid comment to make.

It’s all fat on the toes that’s a problem really as it’s around your internal organs, it’s not just the ‘waist’.

I think you should complain OP, was it through a large company such as BUPA? You may be able to negotiate an appointment with someone else. I think it’s a fair point that someone made that private is not always ‘better’ although it does make access easier. Not all consultant have great people skills, she made you feel bad and that’s very valid and should be reported. As far as weight goes I found it impossible to lose weight whilst bf and the steroids may not be helping. I also think bf often makes periods go doolally. Things also change with age. Honestly I’d complain and try and get an appointment with someone else. You went there for reassurance and it doesn’t sound like they’ve managed to achieve that for you at all!

Spell check fail torso not toes!

As for your periods, I had a terrible one about four months after giving birth, went through my jeans and on to the floor, I almost passed out.
I found walking the best and cutting back on things like pop, wine and crisps! You’ll get there, don’t put too much pressure on yourself and ignore ridiculous comments. Enjoy your baby and relax.

@BungleandGeorge ah ok I wasn't sure it was more weight centered around the waist , not that I planning on keeping this lower stomach fat

It was through a large company and I know they had several gynaecologists available as originally I was meant to see a male one however something came up with Dh's work and I had no one to watch the kids so moved it to the next available which was with her so I may see if I could see someone else

It has been a nightmare this time, I've been in constant pain since Ds2 was born at points DH has had to take time off work to help me as I couldn't hold Ds at one point so I've been so sedentary which hasn't helped and now the steroids are helping but probably bringing their own problems

I definitely think it's a myth that breastfeeding helps with weight loss

@floortx
Thank you @LadyInParis. I'm hoping all these mean posters have bodies like a supermodel but I'm doubting that, as how many of us do? Many women struggle with weight loss after having a baby and OP is doing better than many.

From my view I hope they all have perfect mental health and never need help from mumsnet when vulnerable. You get back what you put in to this world.

A bully is a bully. Supermodel or not, perfect mental health or not- that’s just pure ugly. Ugly inside = ugly outside.

@Boysandme269

I hope you’re feeling better. You did the right thing going to the doctor. I believe you about what she said and how she acted. I have had this before- just different context. I went to see a psychiatrist. And the way she spoke to me, treated me, her tone of voice, her wording; it was all extremely disgusting. But I would, like you, know exactly what she did to make me feel that way, and I do remember exactly the outright stuff she said that was terrible. The rest is a blur of dismissive tone of voice, awful language that was completely inappropriate for someone vulnerable, and other things that I know she did, but would struggle like you to explain it all without a ten page essay. The extreme things she said to me were just as bad as your doctor and stick in my head to this day; and I can well believe that your doctor said those words to you. Word for word. It does happen. In fact I can recall three exact times it has happened to me where I have been treated horrifically by mental health doctors in the past just off the top of my head now. It does happen across the board with all specialists and all doctors. Just because other posters are trying to bully you; don’t doubt yourself. Keep strong like you are. Speak to your partner and get it off your chest with him and then try to put it out of your mind and try to do something nice for yourself tonight. Ignore this shower of shite bunch of goady shits making you out to be hysterical and imagining things. YOU know what happened. Listen to the really helpful and supportive lovely posts that are also on here. Take the good from them and ignore the others. They’re irrelevant.

If it makes you feel better you can complain. Or if you are like me you can maybe feel better by getting it out with your partner and then forgetting the whole thing and having a nice treat tonight. That would help me most, personally. I wish you the best

@WorraLiberty

@WorraLiberty I’m really shocked particularly, by your posts on this thread. From what I have seen of your many replies- help and reasonable advice over the years on here- you are usually so very reasonable and kind. Perhaps blunt at times only to be helpful- but never this cruel.

What exactly have I said that's cruel?

That the OP should think carefully about the exact words the gynecologist used and then write a formal complaint, based on what she did say, rather than how the OP has interpreted it?

Such as the gynecologist thought she looked 'fat and repulsive' etc?

But that isn’t what you said, is it? And you well know that. Because what you just now said reads perfectly logical and fair, reasonable and not at all cruel. But your other posts made me cringe for the op. As I said; there are ways of saying things. And that’s not at all how you spoke to the op- as you well know

Wow it certainly sounds like you are calling women with PCOS or tummy fat ‘fat disgusting beasts’. YABVU
With regard to what the gynaecologist said, sure her bedside manner is lacking but really it sounds like your health anxiety —and nastiness towards less fortunate or healthy women— are the main issues.

OP, I think you should complain. That must have been extremely triggering, and even if you feel in control, I’m sure you can see how to another person recovering from an ED it could cause a relapse. Her comments were unprofessional, medically inaccurate and ultimately didn’t provide you with the reassurance or medical support you were seeking.

Few posters here who thinks it’s appropriate to say someone could starve themselves for 6 months and be fine clearly are from the competitive undereating crew. Ignore, they’re ridiculous people.

You are not unreasonable. Amongst my friends I know of many times a doctor has made a highly insensitive remark about their body. One friend even paid for a very expensive course of semi cosmetic surgery prompted by the observation of a doctor about her body. The worst that has happened so far to me, comment wise, is questioning my child's parentage due to colouring.

However, I also have a few doctor friends. They are very clever and kind, but somewhat brisk and blunt, socially. Excuse the armchair psychology, but my guess is that most doctors perhaps miss out on some socialising and learning to be with other people through adolescence and early adulthood. Only the really studious kids get into medical school and then the course and job is punishing and they largely socialise with other doctors.