to be amazed at well behaved child?

[ThinWomansBrain]

I went to the proms last night - just along the row from me (actually in my seat, but there were plenty spare) were a family with about 4 children, the youngest about six. I groaned inwardly as I sat down, but the small child was amazingly well behaved, appeared to sit quiet and attentively through two and a half hours of classical music.
Even I was feeling a bit fidgety towards the end!

By contrast older children in the cinema last week must have got up during the film for loo/drinks trips with parents at least three times.
And as for the 70+ y/o in front of me last night who played non stop on her phone, including playing the bloody radio with no headphones through the intervals... words fail me.

I was on a train once and was in awe of the family opposite, with the most perfectly behaved kids. Mum and dad sat and read, occasionally dipping into a bag full of chopped veg to pass out for snacks. Two DDs, maybe 7 and 9 or so - one put her headphones in and started knitting, one doing a crossword puzzle. They were so zen. My two DC weren’t with me on the train that day and are younger, but I can’t see them ever being so chilled in a train - my DS is a bundle of energy with ants in his pants and finds sitting still difficult, and my DD is a nosey wee beast and would be wanting to walk around chatting to other passengers!

Bet they're Catholics Poor sods are used to sitting through Mass for hours every weekend. It's a lot like classical music, makes no sense....especially the Latin versions I endured as a child. On the plus side I bet they develop great imaginations.

I have some Orthodox Jewish friends with eight children. They are the most gracious and best-behaved children I have ever met. Maybe it is something to do with spending lots of time studying and in long religious services.

Well behaved children still exist although they certainly seem to have become a rarity. I've noticed that you can guess how a child is going to behave in a public places from the way the parents behave themselves.

I went to the pool yesterday and was in the showers. One kid showering, speaking calmly, doing as told. Mum was speaking on a low pleasant but assertive voice, telling him what they were going to do next. Very nice.

Then came a mum with her 4 or 5 year old shouting to the point it made me jump. Kid continue to shout, shriek, moan. Mum didn't ask her once to keep it down, instead, she was as loud as the child, talking to her as if she was on the stage doing a performance. Ultimately, if she thinks as a adult that it's ok to be so loud and inconsiderate of her environment, she's not going to teach her child to be any different.

I'd be a bit hypervigilant about the interactions. Of course there are very well behaved and cared for children. But I know I was beautifully behaved in certain situations BECAUSE of the very real threat of violence. So my suspicions would be raised.

Perhaps the parents are really lovely people who have good manners, so the kids copy them? (I'm waiting to be told otherwise, BTW)

My older one has gone to the Proms since he was 6. But he’s a musician. (He did Grade 8 when he was 8), he loves classical music. And can sit absolutely still and listen. His younger sibling- erm no way.

I once sat next to three young children on long haul flight (parents sat in the row in front)?and was so annoyed at first but they were lovely and much better behaved than any adults. I ended up playing board games with them half the flight!

I guess if the 6 year old is keen on classical music then sitting through a performance at the proms wouldn’t be problematic. I’m not sure if it’s her behaviour that’s the startling thing in this, or the maturity of her interests at ~ 6.

It’s a little different (I’m far more basic 😂) but I sat through musicals at a very early age because I utterly adored them, still do at 36. But I would have been a whingey, badly behaved sod if my dad had tried to take me to a rugby match!

I think quite often the issue comes from parents having unrealistic expectations about the child they have in front of them. These parents must be thrilled that their DC have similar interests to them and can therefore behave very well at such events!!

Some parents expect their children to behave and some clearly don’t. Children are capable of far more than we give credit for. Children can sit still through an hours Church service from about four. They can sit still in restaurants from about the same age. Same on car journeys and public transport.

Children playing in a concert sit still from a very young age. In Guildford there is an after Christmas families concert with lighter classics. Full of children sitting still.

Sadly many find it easier to pass a phone to a tiny child or use a tablet than to engage them or teach them to sit still.

My DD went to the Proms at that age. She was excited to go - and had been told that she had to sit quietly, and that if she didn’t sit quietly, we’d have to leave and we wouldn’t be allowed back in again. She understood that and it was fine. No threats of violence like another op suggested; just made sure she understood the (perfectly natural) consequence of making a noise somewhere like that.

Bet they're Catholics grin Poor sods are used to sitting through Mass for hours every weekend.blush It's a lot like classical music, makes no sense....especially the Latin versions I endured as a child.

Like most things, Mass has changed a lot in 60 years. Even 30 years ago when I was a kid it didn't last an hour and the kids were taken out for half of it to do kids club.

@ShitPoetryClub

Bet they're Catholics Poor sods are used to sitting through Mass for hours every weekend. It's a lot like classical music, makes no sense....especially the Latin versions I endured as a child. On the plus side I bet they develop great imaginations.

Not sure why children who have been given exposure to religious options, who are raised with a sense of community, who have been taught reasonable behaviour by two loving parents should be considered ‘poor kids’.

The kid might just love classical music. Although I wouldn’t have sails the older kids in the cinema were really badly behaved if all they did was get up to go to the toilet. You expect that at the cinema.

I would echo those that say they are probably musicians. It was the National Youth Orchestra last night wasn't it? So that would have been especially captivating for musical kids as they would have been inspired seeing their peers, or those only a bit older, on stage.

But if they are very good musicians then the chances are they are also very well behaved children 😁

My daughter is extremely well behaved and polite. She's thoughtful and intelligent and learning to play the piano. She is pretty much perfect.

My son wasn't perfectly behaved (he is an adult now) but he is perfect to us because he is himself with his quirks, his opinions and his daft sense of humour.

We love them and are proud of them both for different reasons.

Nothing wrong with kids that answer back and push boundaries a little, these will be the future journalists holding us accountable or the scientists questioning everything.

@ShitPoetryClub

Bet they're Catholics Poor sods are used to sitting through Mass for hours every weekend. It's a lot like classical music, makes no sense....especially the Latin versions I endured as a child. On the plus side I bet they develop great imaginations.

Im 47 and was brought up catholic, we used to go to mass every sunday, it never went on for more than half an hour to forty minutes.

I do think kids who sit through mass become good at sitting through things. Having said that, I never really listened to the mass while I was appearing well behaved because I found it so boring. My sister's catholic kids have a lot of patience for long performances where my non church going DD doesn't. That said, my DS is a very still and patient TV watcher, to her jumping up and down every five minutes and changing channels, so I think personality plays a big part.

What were you hoping to achieve from this post ? Lots of replies from parents telling us how well behaved and amazing their children are ??!

Mass length/whether there is kids club is entirely dependent on the priest. Mine (80s) was an hour to the minute and interminable, with no kids club! It was in English at least though!

I think some people are a little lacking in understanding that children mature and develop the ability to do everything at different rates.
I was naturally quiet and 'well behaved' but also 'helped' by having a father who would hit and punch us if we weren't.

Some parents expect their children to behave and some clearly don’t. Children are capable of far more than we give credit for.

exactly.

It's quite depressing that a normally well behaved child seems such a rarity for some.

@lollipoprainbow

What were you hoping to achieve from this post ? Lots of replies from parents telling us how well behaved and amazing their children are ??!

or some miffed and sarcastic replies from parents because their own kids aren't parented?

I thought ShitPoetryClub was being lighthearted and talking about her own childhood or DC.

DS1 (5) can sit through mass now with a colouring book - no kids club due to Covid, but them again no singing so it only lasts about 45 minutes. The family mass used to last 1h/1h 10mins pre covid due to all the songs! That felt loooong when he was 3 and there was no childrens litrugy for some reason (eg, half term).

@Kanaloa

The kid might just love classical music. Although I wouldn’t have sails the older kids in the cinema were really badly behaved if all they did was get up to go to the toilet. You expect that at the cinema.

Why would you expect that at the cinema?

I am sick of selfish people in the cinema ruining the film for me. In and out and disrupting the film.

Unless you have a health problem you should be able to sit for 2 hours without needing the loo