Page 6 | to be amazed at well behaved child?

MsTSwift · 09/08/2021 07:48

The majority of kids I see out and about seem pretty well behaved.

Minority of families are a nightmare but it’s the adults fault rather than the kids. Never forget picnicking in beauty spot in Devon 6 or 7 families all being normal kids playing at usual volume parents quietly talking great. Then one LOUD family arrive. Mum shouts dad shouts kids behaviour appalling shouting yelling mirroring the parents all of them like it. Normal families quietly left.

ShinyGreenElephant · 09/08/2021 07:48

My DD1 was always like that. Started taking her to the ballet at 4 and she was always impeccably behaved. Dd2 is a different matter entirely so its got a lot more to do with personality than parenting ime

Marmitemarinaded · 09/08/2021 07:48

* I also feel that every normal child has their moments *

Absolutely

I often find that on few occasions it’s been a struggle to get one of mine to. Have whilst out - it’s actually a precursor to then not being well but they’ve not articulated that they’re feeling rough

Marmitemarinaded · 09/08/2021 07:48

behave whilst out

ShinyGreenElephant · 09/08/2021 07:52

@EarringsandLipstick I had similar in an antiques shop recently - it was full of delicate glass and china and my 2yo is a little whirlwind but my 12yo wanted to look round so I was trying to keep dd2 under control, reminding her not to touch etc and a woman came over and said "Youre terribly anxious aren't you? Let the poor thing explore, it isn't fair on her!" Upset me SO much because all I do is let her explore, we spend half our lives outside! But I dont have the money to pay for smashed antiques! Some people are just judgy twats

EishetChayil · 09/08/2021 07:55

@Lockeddownagain

It's all in the parenting. I've worked with so many children and every reason for everything they do is the outside influences. Well behaved children exist and I felt a bit sad you immediately decided they wouldn't when you saw them. I once took my 6 childminding kids to a cafe and these 3 old dears groaned so the kids heard them. I had rules in place and they knew any silliness and we'd leave I had two toddlers there too. They can over qt the end and said I can't believe how well the kids behaved and they got a mouthful. Kids learn by example so we need to teach them simple...

You gave the adults a mouthful for complimenting the children's behaviour? That doesn't sound very much like setting a good example to kids.

Piglet89 · 09/08/2021 07:55

What I don’t understand is the failure to recognise that children are individuals with different characteristics, strengths and weaknesses.

My son is the total opposite of what I was as a child. He will be 2 later this month and is extremely strong, hugely energetic and physically fearless. My husband and I are very musical and we reckon our son will have inherited that gift, judging from his early ability to match pitch….but I can already see that it will take a tremendous amount of work to teach him to sit still for lengthy periods. He will start attending nursery from September and I’m hoping that will help to make a bit of a change. Alongside that, it’ll be a huge amount of repetitive effort from us to encourage stiller behaviour.

We welcome any tips because we are DONE IN already!

Bryonyshcmyony · 09/08/2021 07:58

@Piglet89

What I don’t understand is the failure to recognise that children are individuals with different characteristics, strengths and weaknesses.

My son is the total opposite of what I was as a child. He will be 2 later this month and is extremely strong, hugely energetic and physically fearless. My husband and I are very musical and we reckon our son will have inherited that gift, judging from his early ability to match pitch….but I can already see that it will take a tremendous amount of work to teach him to sit still for lengthy periods. He will start attending nursery from September and I’m hoping that will help to make a bit of a change. Alongside that, it’ll be a huge amount of repetitive effort from us to encourage stiller behaviour.

We welcome any tips because we are DONE IN already!

I don't think any of mine were still at just under 2

bunnybuggs · 09/08/2021 08:06

@Lockeddownagain

It's all in the parenting. I've worked with so many children and every reason for everything they do is the outside influences. Well behaved children exist and I felt a bit sad you immediately decided they wouldn't when you saw them. I once took my 6 childminding kids to a cafe and these 3 old dears groaned so the kids heard them. I had rules in place and they knew any silliness and we'd leave I had two toddlers there too. They can over qt the end and said I can't believe how well the kids behaved and they got a mouthful. Kids learn by example so we need to teach them simple...

Shame on you for 'giving the 'old dears' a mouhtful. Delightful and ageist. I too might have been apprehensive at someone who arrived with 6 (presumably toddlers) children in tow. Some 'old dears' like a quiet, able to hear themselves think rest in a cafe. Given they clearly apologised for pre-judging you were out of order to give them any abuse. Accept an apology gracefully.

Porcupineintherough · 09/08/2021 08:06

@Piglet89 just give it time (probably more than a few months). At 3 ds1 could no more have sat quietly for more than 5min then he could have flown to the moon. I was quite worried when he started school at 4 because he didn't really sit at all - rather he just fidgeted around a fixed point. In other ways he was a polite and well behaved child, just full of restless energy. By 7 I could take him anywhere.

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 08:09

It isn't that hard. I saw a woman on the train with a very young child: about 4 and he had an older sister.

The mum was on him the whole time. Eg. Sit down. Put that down. Don't shout.

Constantly. He stood up again she told told to sit down again.

That's how you do it. You teach your children to behave in public from a young age. Most can't be arsed to be honest and let their kids run riot.

EarringsandLipstick · 09/08/2021 08:10

@ShinyGreenElephant

Oh I'm sorry you had a similar experience.

Yes, it's crap. It was one moment in time, you were obviously being careful of the precious items in the shop, then got the judgement about you as a parent, even though of course your DD can run around elsewhere & you were only anxious because you were in a bloody antiques shop!

The woman who spoke to me upset me so much because, yes, I guess I sounded a bit severe & a killjoy, but I was mindful of a busy shop, not wanting them to whine about what they were getting & genuinely conscious of other people trying to sit & relax, including this woman & her DH.

She made me feel like I didn't recognise they were good children & that I was a harsh mother. I've often praised them, had fun with them.

But to br fair, lots of lovely people have been kind to me & kids, especially when they were v little.

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 08:14

@Lockeddownagain

It's all in the parenting. I've worked with so many children and every reason for everything they do is the outside influences. Well behaved children exist and I felt a bit sad you immediately decided they wouldn't when you saw them. I once took my 6 childminding kids to a cafe and these 3 old dears groaned so the kids heard them. I had rules in place and they knew any silliness and we'd leave I had two toddlers there too. They can over qt the end and said I can't believe how well the kids behaved and they got a mouthful. Kids learn by example so we need to teach them simple...

Children learn by example indeed and you abused two women who complimented the children infront of the children.

What a shocking childminder you are. The only thing you're teaching your wards by example are to abuse people who are nice to them and to use sexist and ageist language.

I would be at 6 children in a cafe tbh

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 08:17

Even I was feeling a bit fidgety towards the end!

Heavens above the OP can't even sit for 2.5 hours of classical music.

MsTSwift · 09/08/2021 08:26

Brings back memories of Dh brothers wedding they reluctantly invited our two (only children in both families) who were about 6 and 8 at the time both girls quiet extremely well behaved.

We arrived at the wedding and the brides father who we had never met stormed over didn’t say hello but hissed aggressively at the girls that they “must be quiet” etc. They were terrified too scared to even move throughout the (short) service. What a knob.

WantStickyBean · 09/08/2021 08:30

Yep. Trauma survivor here. People would come over at restaurants and congratulate my parents on their beautifully behaved children .

FawnFrenchieMum · 09/08/2021 08:34

I think it definitely depends on the child’s interests a lot of the time. We do expect our DC to behave wherever we go but some places are more challenging then others. I hate seeing kids running around restaurants for example and have insisted mine sit nicely since being toddlers.

I took DD to the ballet a couple of years ago so she will have been 7/8ish and I could feel the people around us inwardly groan as we sat down but at the end several of them congratulated DD on sitting so beautifully. She’s a dancer and dreams of going to ballet school. On the flip side she struggles to sit still for a whole film at the cinema. She gets restless and we have to keep the snacks flowing to stop her fidgeting.

LemonRoses · 09/08/2021 08:37

@ActonSquirrel

It isn't that hard. I saw a woman on the train with a very young child: about 4 and he had an older sister.

The mum was on him the whole time. Eg. Sit down. Put that down. Don't shout.

Constantly. He stood up again she told told to sit down again.

That's how you do it. You teach your children to behave in public from a young age. Most can't be arsed to be honest and let their kids run riot.

That’s exactly not how to do it in my book.

You set expectations at outset.
You make it easy for them to behave and not disturb others. You sit between them.
You engage and keep them occupied.
You are thoughtful about any food or drink and effect on others.
You only use music or games for brief periods to allow time for them to learn to sit quietly at other times and to protect their hearing.
You use headphones.
You role model.
You are courteous to others and insist children are also.

brittleheadgirl · 09/08/2021 08:53

Both of my children were always impeccably behaved at the theatre, on trains, weddings etc I often had strangers commenting on how polite and sweet they were.
They were little turds behind closed doors though

ActonSquirrel · 09/08/2021 09:15

@LemonRoses

How would you propose to sit between children on a train when there are maximum 2 seats next to each other

Your 4 year old remembered and followed the pre warnings did he? Didn't have to be told again?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/08/2021 09:28

They can over qt the end and said I can't believe how well the kids behaved and they got a mouthful. Kids learn by example so we need to teach them simple... So you taught the kids that even when people are being nice and conceding a point, it's ok to give them a "mouthful" . I'd move my kids from your care if i found out

INeedNewShoes · 09/08/2021 09:35

Can I ask the parents here who mention having high expectations of their DC, do you verbalise your expectations to your children clearly before you go out somewhere?

DD is very good when we go to restaurants but I do make sure we having crayons/paper/books and that I chat to her while we're waiting.

I've wondered whether for events that we're not as used to whether it would be wise to talk to DD before we go about what the event will entail and how we need to behave or whether that's overkill.

vivainsomnia · 09/08/2021 09:41

There is without a doubt an element of genetic and some kids are much more predisposed to be calm and patient than others. It is also totally true that personality traits need to be valued, and that some of the more disturbing kids will become the leaders of our society.

However, I do believe that all kids, except maybe those with very challenging learning disabilities have the ability to learn through practice, but practice they need to receive and many parents can't be bothered.

I had a very calm and one much less so, and yes, the second was much harder. Whereas it took only one reminder for the elder to behave, it took many more for the youngest, but they did learn, and their behaviour was as good as the eldest, it was just more work.

Neighbour has 3 kids, and two of them are so loud and annoying. She's asked me in the past whether they were disturbing us in the garden and I said yes, in fact they are, a lot. She was taken by surprise, but then said 'yes, I know, it's just the way they are, the eldest is an angel but the other two don't respond to what I tell them' and then had a little laugh expecting me to sympathise. I don't. She sends them in the garden and never ever tells them to cut the noise down. She does shout at them to come in for lunch, and sometimes will shout when they fight, but otherwise, she clearly can't be bothered to discipline and is just happy to send them away from her in the garden.

Marmitemarinaded · 09/08/2021 09:43

@INeedNewShoes

Can I ask the parents here who mention having high expectations of their DC, do you verbalise your expectations to your children clearly before you go out somewhere?

DD is very good when we go to restaurants but I do make sure we having crayons/paper/books and that I chat to her while we're waiting.

I've wondered whether for events that we're not as used to whether it would be wise to talk to DD before we go about what the event will entail and how we need to behave or whether that's overkill.

I do.

If we’re going to theatre - on the way I do a run through. If they have something to say, they whisper it to me but to try to save until interval. I say I don’t want to be badgered for snacks at interval - I have brought something and that’s it, and I say that as we squeeze past people - they are to excuse themselves and say thank you.

Bit of an aide memoire!

Marmitemarinaded · 09/08/2021 09:45

I don’t get all the “there’s an element of genetics”

Yes of course children are different

But not like schools differentiate! They have an expectation of behaviour. And that’s final.

Same here