to be amazed at well behaved child?

[ThinWomansBrain]

I went to the proms last night - just along the row from me (actually in my seat, but there were plenty spare) were a family with about 4 children, the youngest about six. I groaned inwardly as I sat down, but the small child was amazingly well behaved, appeared to sit quiet and attentively through two and a half hours of classical music.
Even I was feeling a bit fidgety towards the end!

By contrast older children in the cinema last week must have got up during the film for loo/drinks trips with parents at least three times.
And as for the 70+ y/o in front of me last night who played non stop on her phone, including playing the bloody radio with no headphones through the intervals... words fail me.

[quote SleepingStandingUp]@lynsey91. I'd say you're incredibly unlucky that someone needs to get past you mid movie so often that its ruined going to the cinema for you. And of course no one NEEDS to eat at the cinema, but then no one needs to go at all do they?

Of course it doesn't mean common courtesy isn't necessary - waiting for a quiet moment to ask people to stand up, doing it quietly, no phones etc.[/quote]
But it doesn't have to be someone in the same row who needs to get by does it? Anyone going out from any row in front of me has to get people to get up on the way out and the way back.

Even if they are in a row behind me they often use their phone light to see the way which is extremely annoying.

Add to that the noisy eaters, the talkers, the ones that have to check their phones or even answer their phone then, yes, it has happened enough to ruin going to the cinema.

So many people of all ages are just incapable of sitting silently for 2 hours or slightly longer. Even when watching a film at home me and DH just sit and watch the film. We don't start going to the loo, making a drink, finding food etc.

I remember sharing a carriage e
With a class of primary school children from London to Plymouth. It could have been a very painful trip but without exception they were enchanting. I even wrote to the school and received a lovely letter back from the HT saying how delighted - and smug - they were when the letter was read out in assembly

@ShitPoetryClub

Bet they're Catholics Poor sods are used to sitting through Mass for hours every weekend. It's a lot like classical music, makes no sense....especially the Latin versions I endured as a child. On the plus side I bet they develop great imaginations.

Not necessarily. I was obsessed with classical music as a kid. I'd spend hours listening to it silently.

Don’t forget to throw your kids a packet of family size crisps and a can of coke, and then start a thread about their poor diet and obesity, but you don’t know what you’re doing wrong!

@Marmitemarinaded What? Children of Mumsnet posters never eat crisps or drink fizzy drinks (unless they’re organic ones from Waitrose of course!)

No one runs around but im sure there are posters who think they should be quieter or more stationary. We eat where their behaviour is appropriate.

@SleepingStandingUp if you only eat where their behaviour is appropriate then that’s fine. If your children can’t behave in a pub or restaurant then please don’t ruin the experience for other diners.

then please don’t ruin the experience for other diners of only adults were held to the same standards eh

@lynsey91 i recommend adult movies early on Sunday mornings. But given that food and drink is sold, i do think your expectation of eyes front, no moving is unreasonable for a public cinema. I think that behaviour is more expected at the theatre although our local Hippodrome sells beverages too so you still get crinkly wrappers

then please don’t ruin the experience for other diners of only adults were held to the same standards eh

@SleepingStandingUp I’ve never had a dining experience ruined by other adults. I have had them ruined on multiple occasions by unruly children.

I’ve never had a dining experience ruined by other adults. I have had them ruined on multiple occasions by unruly children.

I've had more dining experiences ruined by rude, obnoxious adults than by children.

Absolutely bizarre the expectation from so many that children should be compliant, quiet, still and that anything other than that is poor behaviour.

It's great if a 6 year old enjoyed classical music and had a lovely time. Good news.
I take my toddler out to eat as often as I possibly can - after a year in lockdown how else would he learn? He's probably louder than some people would like, but to be honest, I don't care, and I don't look at what others are doing. He's talking about the menu what he's doing afterwards, laughing and generally having a nice time. We stay for one short course only and I bring toys pens etc but the purpose is for my child to have an enjoyable experience with his family and expose him to different environments. That's all. I don't expect him to sit silently or even quietly. If he shouts I'll remind him to keep his voice down indoors.

So many miserable people who feel nothing but annoyance at normal happy children.

Just like you have to remember when you see children behaving badly that it's just a snapshot they aren't necessarily always like that, the same is true when they're behaving beautifully!

Last week we went to church in person for the first time since Covid, and we've moved house in that time so it's a new congregation for us - I was quite anxious about how my three year old would behave, since he's not been since he was one. He was an absolute little angel who made not a peep and just sat either cuddling with DH or colouring in for the whole thing, apart from when we took him up for a blessing when he, entirely unprompted, said thank you to the vicar. The baby also happened to sleep through the whole service so afterwards we had all the older women in the congregation queuing up to tell us what wonderfully behaved children we have... I didn't tell them that no one was more surprised by his impeccable behaviour than me and I now feel like we can never go back as this luck can't hold and the truth about my children's usual noise levels will out!

Surely most children can do both. My two are well behaved in public 90% of the time, we've been to plenty of restaurants/musicals/museums etc where they have been perfectly polite and well behaved. I've also had to abandon the trolly mid shop and drag them out because of noise, running and arguing!

she would rather have a class of fifty five year olds from thirty years ago with no help as the behaviour was generally so much better.

I find it interesting that the kids she'd rather have are now the parents of the kids she wouldn't want. What was it in that generations childhood that made them raise kids so differently to themselves and of that's done so en masse, what does that say about their comparative upbringings

There are two things that may also effect behaviour in classes.

1. Lots of children were sent to 'special schools' who are now sent to mainstream

2. Classrooms have changed, you used to sit at a desk in lines facing the front, occasionally a special piece of work would go up on a wall.

Classrooms now have children sitting around desks facing each other and the walls are covered with displays and sometimes there are lines across the ceiling with number or planets or other interesting bright things.

I'm not saying this is responsible for all behaviour but a child 'on the spectrum' is going to struggle with all the distractions where as they would thrive in the more formal setting.

Children who are not on the spectrum are still faced with a lot of distractions.

Ha, never mind Catholicism, try growing up as a Quaker! Sitting in absolute silence every Sunday. There was a kids club but we still had to do the silent bit first.

It's all in the parenting. I've worked with so many children and every reason for everything they do is the outside influences. Well behaved children exist and I felt a bit sad you immediately decided they wouldn't when you saw them. I once took my 6 childminding kids to a cafe and these 3 old dears groaned so the kids heard them. I had rules in place and they knew any silliness and we'd leave I had two toddlers there too. They can over qt the end and said I can't believe how well the kids behaved and they got a mouthful. Kids learn by example so we need to teach them simple...

@Lockeddownagain
They can over qt the end and said I can't believe how well the kids behaved and they got a mouthful.Kids learn by example so we need to teach them simple.

You gave the adults a mouthful?

Bet they're CatholicsPoor sods are used to sitting through Mass for hours every weekend.It's a lot like classical music, makes no sense....especially the Latin versions I endured as a child. On the plus side I bet they develop great imaginations.

Some truth in this, I was brought up Catholic and DM was often complimented on my and my siblings' behaviour, we also played imginatively for hours and hours.

Just saying DS (now 17 so 10 years ago) had a rather old fashioned year 3 teacher. Desks faced the front they sat 2X2 and you could hear a pin drop in that classroom. So even with "modern children" it can be done.

@Debetswell yes so flipping rude amusing kids can't behave and having a comment when they can

Why is it 'amazing' that these children have manners and behave well and considerately in public?

They sound like normal children who have been taught how to behave appropriately in public by parents who are actually parenting them.

I think it says a lot that you are 'amazed' by this being possible.

The vast majority of badly behaved children are simply not taught manners and good behaviour at home. They are instead, taught that they are more important than others, by their entitled, badly behaved parents.

Agree with an earlier poster that often it’s mirrored behaviour. Dh and I are quiet types and been taking our dds to ballet / opera / theatre since they were about 6 and they always behaved beautifully. Think it’s partly personality type and partly family dynamic and expectations.

The worst behaved people I’ve every come across were a mixed group of 50 something weirdos who talked loudly throughout an entire film at an arts cinema despite being politely asked to stfu.

I have two kids, one would be able to sit through a long performance quietly. My other child absolutely no chance (hence not taking that particular child to places where others would expect ‘well behaved children’).

I don’t parent them any differently and neither of them are particularly naughty, the difference is purely personality. They have been exactly the same since babies.

I don't recognise this world of "kids running amok" constantly reported on MN, but the kids I see are mostly well-behaved. Some adults are just looking out for "bad-behaviour" or "poor-parenting" all the time as they are hyper-critical and love a good moan about other people.

My mum is like this with anyone doing anything even slightly differently to how she would have done it. And about other people's appearance, especially young women. It's so negative and exhausting.

@HarebrightCedarmoon

I don't recognise this world of "kids running amok" constantly reported on MN, but the kids I see are mostly well-behaved. Some adults are just looking out for "bad-behaviour" or "poor-parenting" all the time as they are hyper-critical and love a good moan about other people.

My mum is like this with anyone doing anything even slightly differently to how she would have done it. And about other people's appearance, especially young women. It's so negative and exhausting.

Perhaps it’s area related

Because same here. We go to restaurants etc locally and no children running amok and mine sure as heck don’t.

When children come over - children eat well, please and thank you, nice manners.

@AlexandraQueen

Surely most children can do both. My two are well behaved in public 90% of the time, we've been to plenty of restaurants/musicals/museums etc where they have been perfectly polite and well behaved. I've also had to abandon the trolly mid shop and drag them out because of noise, running and arguing!

This!

I'm inclined to think it's a mixture for all DC. I'm a pretty strict parent, and took my DC lots of places when they were little (single parent) and I expected good behaviour, and generally got it.

However, they can be nightmares too, yes, more likely at home but they fight, shout, misbehave etc.

I am perpetually reminding them to keep it down before we open our front door as they fall out the door, shouting, sometimes fighting & nobody else on our road tends to do this.

I think that 6yo sounds great.

I also feel that every normal child has their moments - mine can be great, they can be demons. I do really place an emphasis on manners in public places. However my most upsetting day as a parent was in a coffee shop when I had shushed them quite a few times, given out a bit to one of them for continually asking for something they weren't going to get, and an older lady at the next table stopped on her way out & said, 'it's really very unpleasant to listening to you. They are good children', and when I said 'Sorry?', in utter shock, she repeated it, making it clear she felt I was overdoing it, and was actually being irritating to her, having to listen to me chastise the kids.

Maybe she had a point, I may have been too 'shh', 'stop' but was always so paranoid about the kids acting up.

She left but I burst into tears. I got through the rest of our time there but just cried & cried after. It really hit a nerve. I felt like wailing, 'I'm doing my best!'

(The DC were great actually, and stoutly defended me, not to her, just to me!)

Long-winded but my point is that there's a lot of swings & roundabouts. Most kids are a mix of good & not-so-good behaviour, if just comes out at different times!