to be amazed at well behaved child?

[ThinWomansBrain]

I went to the proms last night - just along the row from me (actually in my seat, but there were plenty spare) were a family with about 4 children, the youngest about six. I groaned inwardly as I sat down, but the small child was amazingly well behaved, appeared to sit quiet and attentively through two and a half hours of classical music.
Even I was feeling a bit fidgety towards the end!

By contrast older children in the cinema last week must have got up during the film for loo/drinks trips with parents at least three times.
And as for the 70+ y/o in front of me last night who played non stop on her phone, including playing the bloody radio with no headphones through the intervals... words fail me.

@Muppetry

I think some people are a little lacking in understanding that children mature and develop the ability to do everything at different rates. I was naturally quiet and 'well behaved' but also 'helped' by having a father who would hit and punch us if we weren't.

Meanwhile my children were not hit nor punched and learned to sit still and listen at nursery age. It’s about clear expectations, engagement and reward, not violence.

Many of those with the most aberrant behaviour are those facing dreadfully abusive and negligent parenting. Few children in schools for those with behavioural difficulties come from kind and loving homes.

You can be a fantastic parent and still have a child who in the eyes of others is badly behaved.

"Many of those with the most aberrant behaviour are those facing dreadfully abusive and negligent parenting"

Yes having abusive parents can cause it to go both ways.

Some parents expect their children to behave and some clearly don’t. Children are capable of far more than we give credit for. I expect mine to behave but i wouldn't expect him to sit for that long at that age. Because him not being able to sit still for hours at 6 isn't about him misbehaving. Just like i expect him to read at 6 but i don't expect him to read War and Peace. Because him developing at his own pace is development not misbehaviour.

@Sleepyblueocean

You can be a fantastic parent and still have a child who in the eyes of others is badly behaved.

Can you though?

@SleepingStandingUp

Some parents expect their children to behave and some clearly don’t. Children are capable of far more than we give credit for. I expect mine to behave but i wouldn't expect him to sit for that long at that age. Because him not being able to sit still for hours at 6 isn't about him misbehaving. Just like i expect him to read at 6 but i don't expect him to read War and Peace. Because him developing at his own pace is development not misbehaviour.

Agree 100%. If the standard of ‘behaving’ for a 6 year old is being able to sit silently and still through hours of something they may not be potentially interested in, then yes, the vast majority are poorly behaved.

Unless you have a health problem you should be able to sit for 2 hours without needing the loo
Trailers, adverts, long movie, end credits can make it much more 4 hours. Plus large drink which they wouldn't normally drink that quickly. I wouldn't expect someone to sit there uncomfortably holding a wee in because i can't tolerate people around me needing to move.

@LemonRoses I had to sit through an hours mass every Sunday. I definitely was a poor child, I hated every minute of it boring and as I grew older clearly full of bullshit. I resent my parents a great deal for forcing religion upon me in that way. And actually in hindsight such an abusive disgusting religion as Catholicism

You can be a fantastic parent and still have a child who in the eyes of others is badly behaved.

Can you though?

Yes, because we all have different standards of good behaviour. I don't consider DS being lively and noisy in public to be naughty. If he gets too loud or goes too near people or talks to someone who isn't tolerant i tell him to curb it / move him etc. For others making any noise would be an issue

@LemonRoses I assume the pp is referring to children with SEN. Which I hope you are aware are not due to “poor parenting”.

Honestly. I think it's just luck.

I've parented both of mine identically. One is an absolute angel. One is a bloody nightmare. Same house. Same approach. Learning from the same 'actions' to copy.

"Can you though?"

Ds's disability social worker thinks so and she would be more of an expert than randomers.

@alltheemptyfields well she's autistic so in your eyes I probably don't 'parent'.

I have complimented parents before now when their children have been polite and well behaved. It makes my DH cringe, but I really appreciate the effort it takes to keep children entertained on long rail or air journeys, or when waiting for meals. It makes the experience so much more pleasant for everyone.

I also have huge sympathy for those parents struggling with children who cannot be quiet. My nephew is autistic and the judgy looks and comments from strangers who tut or make comments, blaming my sister for not being able to stop him if he is having a meltdown - it breaks my heart.

My children are like this
Single parent
Regularly go to threatened, ballet, musical performances ever since 4/5

This is such a mumsnet thread (of course me saying this is probably me actually saying something about my own parenting )

Some kids are just naturally well behaved. I think it's at least as much nature as it is nurture.

I remember sitting through interminable classical music concerts as a child. Sheer torture. I've no idea if I was a pain in the arse to those around me - I hope not. I was quiet but probably fidgety. My dd, on the other hand, would have been as good as gold in that situation. She has an infinite capacity to sit still and entertain herself as required.

Theatre not threatened!

I could have done this easily as a child. I was (still am) a maladaptive daydreamer so could just disappear into my stories. It was nothing to do with how I was parented.

I have three children. My son could do this without difficulty. My daughters would struggle.

I reckon it’s 80% nature and only 20% nurture.

@ShitPoetryClub

Bet they're Catholics Poor sods are used to sitting through Mass for hours every weekend. It's a lot like classical music, makes no sense....especially the Latin versions I endured as a child. On the plus side I bet they develop great imaginations.

Spot on! It’s good training. Well, some of it is 🤣🤣

Went to a Ballet matinee performance, I was surprised how many children were there, quite a few little girls sporting tutus and carrying barbies in ballet outfits.

Beautifully behaved.

@3scape

I'd be a bit hypervigilant about the interactions. Of course there are very well behaved and cared for children. But I know I was beautifully behaved in certain situations BECAUSE of the very real threat of violence. So my suspicions would be raised.

Some children are quite capable of behaving themselves without the threat of violence!

@ShitPoetryClub

Bet they're Catholics Poor sods are used to sitting through Mass for hours every weekend. It's a lot like classical music, makes no sense....especially the Latin versions I endured as a child. On the plus side I bet they develop great imaginations.

they will also be able to recite anything while thinking about something else at the same time.

I do almost everything while thinking about something else. Definitely my 52 hours per year (plus holy days of obligation) staring into space training

My two older children would have done this, no issue. My youngest...yet to be seen but I doubt it!