to be amazed at well behaved child?

[ThinWomansBrain]

I went to the proms last night - just along the row from me (actually in my seat, but there were plenty spare) were a family with about 4 children, the youngest about six. I groaned inwardly as I sat down, but the small child was amazingly well behaved, appeared to sit quiet and attentively through two and a half hours of classical music.
Even I was feeling a bit fidgety towards the end!

By contrast older children in the cinema last week must have got up during the film for loo/drinks trips with parents at least three times.
And as for the 70+ y/o in front of me last night who played non stop on her phone, including playing the bloody radio with no headphones through the intervals... words fail me.

My DC love drawing, colouring and sketching so if they bring their paper and pens when we go out for a meal they can be completely engrossed whilst DH and I chat. They are 6 and 8.

However they can also be in a whiney, squabbling mood and only full on parent attention can avoid noisy tantrums.

Wonderful you saw these children on a good day and as a parent I am pleased when others compliment their good behaviour because I can remind them of it to encourage that behaviour in future.

Suggesting the children are cowed through threat of violence is a huge jump in logic. If anything my 2 would be bribed with a promise of ice cream at the interval rather than avoiding a beating when we get home.

@Marmitemarinaded I think you'll find children behave differently regardless of expectation, even in schools. And the amount of effort required to reach the expected level of behaviour will vary greatly from child to child. Same as with maths, or reading.

Absolutely laughing at everyone slagging me for putting a bunch of old moans in their place. Of course my children didn't hear me and I was a bloody brilliant childminder. And they weren't saying oh they are so well behaved in a kind way they were implying 6kids can't be well behaved with one adult . And I didn't scream and shout they were told not to be so judgemental. And neither should you lot 🤣🤣

@INeedNewShoes

Can I ask the parents here who mention having high expectations of their DC, do you verbalise your expectations to your children clearly before you go out somewhere?

DD is very good when we go to restaurants but I do make sure we having crayons/paper/books and that I chat to her while we're waiting.

I've wondered whether for events that we're not as used to whether it would be wise to talk to DD before we go about what the event will entail and how we need to behave or whether that's overkill.

Yes I do. On the way, I let them know what the plan is re snacks (ie whether I’ve brought some, plan to only buy before it begins or visit the shop at the interval). I let them know if I think there will be an interval etc and we will go to the loo at that time. Let them know they may whisper to me but only really if it’s important at that time otherwise to wait until the interval. Obviously all this has been built up, starting with short children friend films, to longer disney films, to dance shows to the theatre etc.

Yeah it does happen. Dc 1 was like that. No idea how or why, just super chilled and compliant and good at entertaining herself and reading quietly for hours etc. Dc2 and 3 ( twins) are the opposite. 4.5 years old and even the thought of taking them to a cafe or even the cinema fills me with dread 🤣

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Marmitemarinaded I think you'll find children behave differently regardless of expectation, even in schools. And the amount of effort required to reach the expected level of behaviour will vary greatly from child to child. Same as with maths, or reading.[/quote]
Yes and the ones that don’t meet school expectations are punished

@Lockeddownagain

Absolutely laughing at everyone slagging me for putting a bunch of old moans in their place. Of course my children didn't hear me and I was a bloody brilliant childminder. And they weren't saying oh they are so well behaved in a kind way they were implying 6kids can't be well behaved with one adult . And I didn't scream and shout they were told not to be so judgemental. And neither should you lot 🤣🤣

So a group of old ladies were impressed and complimented you at the behaviour of 6 toddlers with one adult (they didn’t know you were a childminder)

And had a go at them?

I find it quite interesting that you feel you can make a judgement on how 'well behaved' a child is based on a couple of hours of observing then sat still. In exactly the same way it would be wrong to make an overall judgement of a child who didn't sit still.

"However, I do believe that all kids, except maybe those with very challenging learning disabilities have the ability to learn through practice, but practice they need to receive and many parents can't be bothered."

Well yes all children except those with the most profound learning disability will learn things through practice however my own children who isn't as severe as that, takes years to learn things that other children would be consistent at after a few telling. I don't think you understand how much effort some parents are putting in with a child who may appear to others to be badly behaved. And even when they do learn other things such as sensory issues can get in the way.

"Yes and the ones that don’t meet school expectations are punished"

No a decent school works with the child using the expertise of the parents and makes necessary adjustments to meet need.

@Sleepyblueocean

"Yes and the ones that don’t meet school expectations are punished"

No a decent school works with the child using the expertise of the parents and makes necessary adjustments to meet need.

Exactly.

And they won’t make an adjustments if it’s just naughtiness!

I famously sat through a performance of Handel's Messiah at the age of 3. My dad was an older parent and very strict, including corporal punishment, but even after he died when I was young I was still "well behaved". I was naturally quiet and compliant. Probably too much as I became a people pleaser as an adult and still struggle to assert myself.

[quote ActonSquirrel]@LemonRoses

How would you propose to sit between children on a train when there are maximum 2 seats next to each other

Your 4 year old remembered and followed the pre warnings did he? Didn't have to be told again? [/quote]
I’d separate them diagonally if a seat area for four or with three sit beside one, opposite the other two but select carefully who was beside who. Usually we’d have my husband too, so easy to sit two beside us and one opposite. Saves squabbling.

By four they could certainly sit still and not disturb others for an hour or so . They didn’t really need pre warnings by then. If on a train, they’d have colouring, reading, workbooks, card games etc to keep them occupied.