to be amazed at well behaved child?

[ThinWomansBrain]

I went to the proms last night - just along the row from me (actually in my seat, but there were plenty spare) were a family with about 4 children, the youngest about six. I groaned inwardly as I sat down, but the small child was amazingly well behaved, appeared to sit quiet and attentively through two and a half hours of classical music.
Even I was feeling a bit fidgety towards the end!

By contrast older children in the cinema last week must have got up during the film for loo/drinks trips with parents at least three times.
And as for the 70+ y/o in front of me last night who played non stop on her phone, including playing the bloody radio with no headphones through the intervals... words fail me.

@Dongdingdong

But anyway, if you're in a family eaterie, it's unreasonable to expect silence whilst you eat. Noisy chatter is par to the course. No one would expect a table of adults to sit whispering to each other.

@SleepingStandingUp noisy chatter I don’t mind at all. It’s kids screaming or running around the restaurant that I find irritating.

But this is my point about expectations and development. DS can largely sit at our table without having to be told but he isn't still and he isn't quiet. He just can't. Toddlers will do anything to escape but are strapped in. No one runs around but im sure there are posters who think they should be quieter or more stationary. We eat where their behaviour is appropriate. As a baby DS did much nicer places later at night. My twins definitely not. DS will talk to strangers, some react positively and tell me off for trying to stop him, some stare out the window and i have to tell DS to leave them be. Some will think it's cute. Some won't. I read the mood because he can't.

DD1 is impeccably behaved in cinemas and theatres. She sits quietly and watches and has done from a young age. We’ve had lovely comments from people about her behaviour in restaurants and on planes. She’s 7 now but we’ve been doing these things with her since she was small. Importantly though, she doesn’t have any SEN that would make these things difficult for her and she’s a very calm child generally.

DD2 is 10m and born in lockdown times so fewer opportunities to introduce her to these environments. We’ll see how well behaved she is in time.

I can remember just before Christmas about 3 years ago when the drone incident over Gatwick airport caused major disruptions to all flights in and out for about 3 days , I arrived and was immediately met and transferred to Bristol to get my flight , boarded at 9 ready to depart at 9.30 then half the passengers were held up on the motorway in transit so the flight was delayed , I was sitting next to two little girls of around 7 and 10 , my immediate thoughts were oh no , but they were fantastic , the youngest one got out her pencils and colouring book and carefully coloured in , the older one got out her kindle and read, they were amazing , we finally departed at 1 pm and landed at around 9 pm, I couldn't have dreamt up better people to sit next to. The mum sat behind me with a smaller child who was equally well behaved , if the mum reads this and recognises her family you deserve to be proud of yourself for raising such lovely well behaved children .

grin they will also be able to recite anything while thinking about something else at the same time.

Including some bits in Latin

I’d be quietly confident my 5yo would be impeccably behaved at that sort of event if she was with adults. On her own she is an incredibly easy child to take out. In combination with her younger sister it is not so fun. The 2yo is a she-devil and My eldest seems to descend to her level if they’re tougher and start bickering. I’m hoping once the youngest hits 4 she will be equally easy to take out but I suspect she’ll be more challenging as she quite enjoys being naughty in a way my eldest never did. The youngest is a very tidy eater though so that will be the silver lining.

A lovely couple came up to us as we left an outdoor cafe and told us our children were a credit to us, so polite, well behaved etc. I was proud as anything... DH however responded (a little tooooo quickly) that everything aligns in the universe from time to time, they were lucky to catch us on that day this year...

My DD has always been amazingly well behaved.
We’ve sat on trains and buses or stations when the trains have been delayed for hours and she’s never moaned or been annoying, just smiled and chatted happily away.

I can’t say it was my parenting that was special and I was very much a stereotypical teen single mum on benefits in a council flat so there was nothing privileged about her upbringing. The only thing I can think of is we never had a car so from a baby she was used to walking long distances in the rain, waiting for buses, doing long coach journeys etc so she was probably just used to it.

Although she is just in her teens now and I think she may be making up for it now. I’m hoping this is as bad as it gets!

@SleepingStandingUp

Unless you have a health problem you should be able to sit for 2 hours without needing the loo Trailers, adverts, long movie, end credits can make it much more 4 hours. Plus large drink which they wouldn't normally drink that quickly. I wouldn't expect someone to sit there uncomfortably holding a wee in because i can't tolerate people around me needing to move.

Its pretty unusual to be in a cinema for anywhere near 4 hours. For a start an awful lot of people don't arrive in time for the trailers and adverts. I just love the ones that come in as the film has started and cause a disruption.

Most people should be able to have a drink, even a large one, and not need the loo for a while. Maybe going to the loo before the film would be a good idea for some of them?

Also it's not compulsory to eat and drink in the cinema. Me and DH manage fine just watching the film. We are hardly going to die of hunger or thirst are we.

I hate that the cinema has been ruined for us because of selfish people. Literally every time at least 1 person spoils it but usually it is far more.

Used to love the National Film Theatre in London where no food or drink was allowed and if there was any talking etc they were thrown out

"grin they will also be able to recite anything while thinking about something else at the same time."
@JaneJeffer, I have an amazing ability to read out loud, while daydreaming. This stems from my school days where we had to read out loud from the textbook, but I'd already read it to myself and wanted to listen to the PE games outside. I don't think any of my teachers cottoned on....

But my kids. They are another breed than me. They cannot sit still for more than 2 minutes. In fact, I know when they are ill, because that is when they do sit quietly....

@lynsey91. I'd say you're incredibly unlucky that someone needs to get past you mid movie so often that its ruined going to the cinema for you. And of course no one NEEDS to eat at the cinema, but then no one needs to go at all do they?

Of course it doesn't mean common courtesy isn't necessary - waiting for a quiet moment to ask people to stand up, doing it quietly, no phones etc.

I am not talking about any of your children with this next anecdote obviously

I knew a lady with many perfectly behaved children. They trailed her like ducklings. Never interrupted. Stood quietly. Immaculate matching outfits. Lots of lovely pictures. Very politely spoken.
Creepy too perfectly behaved.

It was all a public masquarade. By all accounts (from their babysitters & the children's own friends) as soon as mum was out of earshot/sight they were complete horrors to each other. Nasty spiteful, violent. I often remember them when I encounter 'too perfect' children.

It depends on personality and temperament also.
I as a child could have sat through it and if I got bored would have used my imagination to think up some story to entertain myself in my head while looking like I was attentive. In fact I still do this now on occasion.

My kids at that age would not have been able to sit there for more than five minutes. One has asd and no imagination whatsoever. As they're now teens would probably refuse to go in the first place.

My children always knew how to behave when out and about, including my oldest, autistic, child. I think the fact they had been to church and Sunday School from a very early age might well have had something to do with it. They are all musical and would have enjoyed such a concert and would absolutely have behaved like the child you describe.

I don't think sitting quietly or being interested enough in the film/play/restaurant makes kids "too perfect"

All the anecdotes about being abused/only nice in public are a bit irrelevant tbh.

My DD would sit through something like this. She’s not especially compliant, but she’s quite zen and mindful (like her Dad)

Whereas I can’t sit still to save my life, so avoid situations such as that like the plague (ADHD diagnosed, which doesn’t help)

@LemonRoses

Some parents expect their children to behave and some clearly don’t. Children are capable of far more than we give credit for. Children can sit still through an hours Church service from about four. They can sit still in restaurants from about the same age. Same on car journeys and public transport.

Children playing in a concert sit still from a very young age. In Guildford there is an after Christmas families concert with lighter classics. Full of children sitting still.

Sadly many find it easier to pass a phone to a tiny child or use a tablet than to engage them or teach them to sit still.

I agree with you totally. Unfortunately, there are many more children who are allowed to behave badly, running around screeching where it is not appropriate. Children without learning disabilities. The other week I was in a café with my adult daughter and a friend. A family came in with a small child who was screaming. I have a hole in my eardrum and it physically hurt me. Playgrounds, soft play etc, of course it is fine to let off steam and expected. I think a friend of mine summed it up. She, in her early sixties, is a retired key stage 1 teacher. We were talking about how it was normal years ago for a teacher to have a very large class and no TAs, whereas nowadays classes are much smaller. She said that she would rather have a class of fifty five year olds from thirty years ago with no help as the behaviour was generally so much better.

she would rather have a class of fifty five year olds from thirty years ago with no help as the behaviour was generally so much better.
I find it interesting that the kids she'd rather have are now the parents of the kids she wouldn't want. What was it in that generations childhood that made them raise kids so differently to themselves and of that's done so en masse, what does that say about their comparative upbringings

@lollipoprainbow

What were you hoping to achieve from this post ? Lots of replies from parents telling us how well behaved and amazing their children are ??!

Nothing really - I just woke up this morning with the music of the concert in my head, and still amazed at the good behaviour of the small child and her siblings. I can be a bit anti-child, hence my opening shudder at sitting next to a row of them. There were about four children, ranging from the six year old to (I'd guess) mid teen - so maybe the parents are catholic.

Sometimes it's nice to share something pleasant that's happened

It was the National Youth Orchestra, with Nicola Bernadetti; I did wonder at one point whether they knew one of the musicians,

"Unfortunately, there are many more children who are allowed to behave badly, running around screeching where it is not appropriate. Children without learning disabilities."

Children with a significant learning disability might screech but they are unlikely to be running about because it isn't safe to let them run about in places that are not designed for children.
The children that I have seen running around tables in cafes do not have a learning disability.

@TrickyD

Taking the grandchildren on holiday when they were 6 and 7, we impressed on them the importance of "Maldives Manners" in the restaurant. This paid off as our waiter said ( cue stealth boast) "The best children I have ever had' . Budget kicking in the next year we went to the Dominican Republic. Reminding them about the need for 'Maldives Manners' their dad said " Now it's 'Dominican Decorum' " .

First time I’ve laughed out loud at a MN post. Thank you, I needed that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I was once in a cafe with my three DC, aged 4-12.
The cafe had books and comics.
They were all reading when a stranger leaned over and said how lovely it was to see three quiet, well behaved children in a cafe.

I have always treasured that sunlit moment.
It is literally the only time in their entire lives that someone could have voiced that opinion.

@atlastifoundit

There are far too few people nowadays who seem capable of teaching their children to sit down and be quiet. They seem incapable of teaching manners.

Either that, or they just don't give a shit about their feral brats running amok and annoying everyone else.

There is a spectrum of child behaviour surely. It isn’t a case of a kid either sits silent at the Proms for hours on end or is a ‘feral brat’

Yup,a child at 6 not being able to sit still for 2 hours is well within the bounds of normal behaviour for a 6 yr old. Doesn't mean they are feral