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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling resentful but I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not…

314 replies

whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 08:10

First off, I’m going to go and see this parent later today to find out what’s happening. I think this is better than just waiting for 2 teens to sort this situation out.

My DD17 and her BF bought day tickets to Reading festival ages ago.
The BF parents said they will take their caravan and stay nearby so the girls can stay with them at the end of the day.
Great, I agreed for my DD to buy a ticket knowing she can stay with her mates parents afterwards.
All the other friends in the group have got weekend tickets.

For info we live 100 miles away from Reading.

I’ve noticed that no plans are being firmed up and my DD isn’t saying much.

I asked the BF yesterday and she said “my parents are taking us but my dads got work now so are not staying anymore “

So, no one has told me this before and hasn’t thought to tell me that the 2 teens now have no where to stay or anyone getting them at the end.

So , it’s gonna fall to me to drive 200 mile round trip late at night. But no one thinks to actually communicate anything to me.

If it was me I would contact the other parent to say I can’t do what I originally agreed to.

I’m so pissed off. I don’t want to drive to fecking Reading.
I would never have agreed to my DD going if I had to go myself.

I’m absolutely knackered. I have worked relentlessly throughout the past 18 months and feel burnout.

I’ve lost the ability to work out if I’m unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
Marmitemarinaded · 09/08/2021 07:36

I think that simply because of how restricted their lives have been and how shit it’s been for teens

I’d do the 200 mile journey and pick them

A pain in the ass? Yes

But I’d do it as a one off

Marmitemarinaded · 09/08/2021 07:36

But I would then focus on ramping up independence and use of trains etc

carriehagshaw · 09/08/2021 07:42

There are 2 Airbnbs close by for that night at £50

carriehagshaw · 09/08/2021 07:43

When I say close, I mean a 10 minute taxi ride

emptyempire · 09/08/2021 08:03

You really shouldn't be contacting the other girl's parents when your DD is 17!

Your DD and friend must communicate with their respective parents and sort it themselves. Let your daughter know what you're prepared to do to help and back away.

AvaCallanach · 09/08/2021 08:33

I have a 17 year old. He was 15 when the pandemic started and used to go with mates on the train to the cinema and make his own way home after.

So many parents not appreciating what this pandemic has done to some kids in this age group. The more introverted or anxious kids.

My son gets the bus to college no problem but his confidence in his ability to make a plan to go out somewhere, organise tickets, travel etc has plummeted. I recently organised for him to visit a family member across country by train - I bought tickets and we ensured he wouldn't have to change trains - just to begin to build his confidence again. He would absolutely definitely need support in the situation the OP is describing.

What your teens did even 3 years ago is completely irrelevant.

LuckyHarold · 09/08/2021 08:51

Can you not prebook a taxi for them to the nearest train station if you're worried about her getting to the station?

tealady · 09/08/2021 09:07

@whippitwoowoo if you do collect around midnight the TGI car park is mainly populated with other parents and friends collecting from Reading. If you can't get a space head to the rail station multi storey car park in Bagnell way which is also close enough for them to walk. I would suggest studying the street view on google maps if you do this as the station is a little confusing and you have to pick the right side to collect from (one side is taxis and pedestrian exit and the other side has the multi storey).

TGI friday car park worked well for us though - getting there around 11.30pm and just waiting til midnight for them to get out and we always managed to get a space. The roads will be quiet at that time.

putthebinsout · 09/08/2021 09:17

@LuckyHarold

Can you not prebook a taxi for them to the nearest train station if you're worried about her getting to the station?
Taxis can't get close enough... by the time you'd reached the taxi you'd almost be at the station anyway.

It's really not far and there will be hoards of people walking the same route

stilldumdedumming · 09/08/2021 09:20

@tealady I went to reading age 13 - my brothers were there but had weekend tickets (this was the 80s by the way). My dad freaked himself out waiting on the wrong side of the train station to collect me, when I didn't appear as he expected GrinHe didn't let on bless him!

I would drive to get them. Getting out of a festival to get public transport is not easy. It's a one off. And yes OP don't go to the official car park. You'll get stuck. Let them walk to you with everyone else. Oh to be young and carefree again!

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 09/08/2021 10:07

Great advice. Thanks.

I haven’t contacted the BF parents.
My dd has communicated with her friend. I think the friend has said she can’t talk to her parents about this.
I know her background and it’s complicated.

I think I needed a day to be pissed off.
I’m feeling much more calm about it now.
Plus my hormones at the moment are completely messed up and I had my grandkids all weekend and it wore me out.

OP posts:
ShakesSnakesSh0w · 09/08/2021 10:50

Snowflake

SeasonFinale · 09/08/2021 11:39

A festival only 100 miles away is exactly the time for a 17 year old to find her independence. Most of the kids there are there post gcse on usual years so are 16 year olds.

At 17 I would not be talking to other parents about arrangements but leaving my DC to sort this out themselves but would expect them to tell me what is arranged wheh it has been arranged.

Is there any chance she could upgrade to weekend tickets and join her other friends. There are travellodges and Premier Inns and B&Bs in Reading. Berkshire is quite civilised you realise.

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 09/08/2021 11:52

It’s sold out. There are no options to add to the tickets.
Hotels are £££ nearby.

OP posts:
putthebinsout · 09/08/2021 12:00

There are Airbnbs nearby for £50. Seems strange dd isn't on sites like that looking for ideas. Maybe she doesn't really want to go because there are so many solutions

PegasusReturns · 09/08/2021 12:04

@VladmirsPoutine

Indeed! In fact when I was even 10 years younger than that at 7 years old I drove my mum 30 miles to the hospital when she was in labour with my little sister. Got to the hospital, parallel parked and delivered the baby myself.

That’s incredibly selfish - you could have put other road users at risk. I don’t understand why you didn’t just boil the carving knife and perform a section on the kitchen table. Some people Hmm

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 12:15

@SeasonFinale

A festival only 100 miles away is exactly the time for a 17 year old to find her independence. Most of the kids there are there post gcse on usual years so are 16 year olds.

At 17 I would not be talking to other parents about arrangements but leaving my DC to sort this out themselves but would expect them to tell me what is arranged wheh it has been arranged.

Is there any chance she could upgrade to weekend tickets and join her other friends. There are travellodges and Premier Inns and B&Bs in Reading. Berkshire is quite civilised you realise.

The OP has explained a few times that all tickets are booked out. So is nearby accommodation. And to what extent her DD is involved in finding a solution.

Maybe read her posts before adding your helpful comments.

MydogWillow · 09/08/2021 14:20

[quote PegasusReturns]@VladmirsPoutine

Indeed! In fact when I was even 10 years younger than that at 7 years old I drove my mum 30 miles to the hospital when she was in labour with my little sister. Got to the hospital, parallel parked and delivered the baby myself.

That’s incredibly selfish - you could have put other road users at risk. I don’t understand why you didn’t just boil the carving knife and perform a section on the kitchen table. Some people Hmm[/quote]
Grin

Margerine78 · 09/08/2021 17:27

I wouldn't blame the BF's parents straight away, I don't mean any disrespect to your daughter OP (I am purely suggesting this as I would have done this as a teen), perhaps both girls decided to not say anything so they could stay at the festival and party (and worry about where to crash later). Perhaps BF's parents were told that you were now picking them up so neither parental side were any the wiser?

fiddlesticks123 · 09/08/2021 17:43

If all the others going have camping tickets my first thought is that DD has told a few white lies along the way and hoped to be camping with her friends. It doesn’t sound like she ever had a viable way home? Was she just going to spend the second day with her BF’s parents waiting for a lift home while BF and others went back to the festival? I think the onus needs to be put on her to come up with some solutions here, even if that is with your support, she should absolutely take the lead at 17 years old.

bakebeans · 09/08/2021 17:57

I would probably communicate with the girls parents as to what info they understand and plans. It may be a bit of cross wires on your daughter and best friend party but I’m unsure as to why you haven’t heard the info first hand from your daughter first.

SeasonFinale · 09/08/2021 17:59

Reading Festival us 15 mins walk from Reading Station . Reading to Paddington is 25 minutes on the train. Paddington to KX is 15 minutes on the tube (one train only). Kings Cross to Cambridge is 45 minutes on the train.

If she gets the bus to work it is as simple as that.

Bbq1 · 09/08/2021 18:01

@whippitwoowoo

user1487194234

Why wouldn’t I communicate with the other parents?

What a strange thing to say.

I’m being responsible as a parent to these girls welfare

I see where you're coming from, Op. My ds is 15, almost 16 and has lots of independence travelling to cities around Liverpool, where we live such as Manchester etc. However, in just over a years time I would not be happy with him and a mate travelling 100 miles overnight using public transport. I can't believe the amount of pp's more or less saying your dd is 17 so leave her to it. She's 17, mid teens that's all. I don't see an issue with checking plans with the bf's parents. You don't just absolve yourself of parenting when your dc hit 17. You check plans and tell them what to do if plans fall apart. Pp's are actually saying it's fine for 2 young girls to travel a distance overnight or sayingv'Oh, just leave them to sort it'.
tempester28 · 09/08/2021 18:25

They shouldn’t just expect you to be available last minute to do that journey late at night and the parents should have let you or the girls know plans needed to be made.

corkernewyorker · 09/08/2021 18:27

I was backpacking on my Todd at 17. Best way to gain a bit of independence is to let them get on with it.