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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling resentful but I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not…

314 replies

whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 08:10

First off, I’m going to go and see this parent later today to find out what’s happening. I think this is better than just waiting for 2 teens to sort this situation out.

My DD17 and her BF bought day tickets to Reading festival ages ago.
The BF parents said they will take their caravan and stay nearby so the girls can stay with them at the end of the day.
Great, I agreed for my DD to buy a ticket knowing she can stay with her mates parents afterwards.
All the other friends in the group have got weekend tickets.

For info we live 100 miles away from Reading.

I’ve noticed that no plans are being firmed up and my DD isn’t saying much.

I asked the BF yesterday and she said “my parents are taking us but my dads got work now so are not staying anymore “

So, no one has told me this before and hasn’t thought to tell me that the 2 teens now have no where to stay or anyone getting them at the end.

So , it’s gonna fall to me to drive 200 mile round trip late at night. But no one thinks to actually communicate anything to me.

If it was me I would contact the other parent to say I can’t do what I originally agreed to.

I’m so pissed off. I don’t want to drive to fecking Reading.
I would never have agreed to my DD going if I had to go myself.

I’m absolutely knackered. I have worked relentlessly throughout the past 18 months and feel burnout.

I’ve lost the ability to work out if I’m unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
Snakeintheivy483 · 08/08/2021 08:35

The main line train station is 20-30 minutes walk from the festival.
30 minutes fast train to London
Or train the other way towards Bristol, Swindon etc

They get train nearer to where you live

Easy

fourminutestosavetheworld · 08/08/2021 08:36

I also think it's a bit odd to contact the other parents. To say what? To tell them off for changing their plans? Your dd now needs to decide how she's getting home. Were you unhappy about her going for a full weekend? I'm wondering if it's been cooked up to ensure an overnight stay with their friends.

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 08/08/2021 08:36

At 17 they managed to buy tickets, so they can sort out how to get there and back

and if not then it's a salutary lesson in how flaky other people can be and might brush up some self reliance and plan making.

ILoveFlumps · 08/08/2021 08:38

What a nightmare OP. For what it's worth, I'd feel exactly the same as you.
I live 5 minutes from Reading Festival, and my teenagers go every year. We're fortunate enough that they can camp if they want, but also come home if needed.
It's very unlikely they will be able to camp as they won't have the correct wristbands to get into that area. It's also incredibly difficult to get even remotely close to the site by car if you were going to pick them up.
I'm assuming you don't know anyone who lives closer that could possibly help?

Bagelsandbrie · 08/08/2021 08:38

Premier inn or Travelodge nearby and then train home the next day?

Bagelsandbrie · 08/08/2021 08:39

My dd is 17 and I wouldn’t expect to hear from the other parent. They’re nearly adults!

Cottagepieandpeas · 08/08/2021 08:39

They won’t be allowed to stay in someone’s tent.
There will be security, different coloured wristbands etc.
Don’t let them think that’s a possibility.

Tell them to find out if it’s feasible to get back on public transport.

DinosaurDiana · 08/08/2021 08:39

How is the BF planning on getting home ?
Are they still good friends, or is it possible that they have had a fall out and the BF just doesn’t want your DD staying in the caravan ?

HarebrightCedarmoon · 08/08/2021 08:39

Can't they just take a tent?

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 08:42

They are still close friends.
I actually don’t have a clue what the BF thinks will happen.

Thanks Iloveflumps for that info.

OP posts:
honeybuns007 · 08/08/2021 08:42

@ColettesEarrings

This isn't your problem. At 17 it's entirely your daughter's responsibility to sort.
17 is still a minor so regardless of what you think, the OP is the one who has responsibility for her dd
LawnFever · 08/08/2021 08:42

@Bagelsandbrie

Premier inn or Travelodge nearby and then train home the next day?
I bet that’ll have been booked up months ago by other people doing the same.

What actually happens if you've got day wristbands? Would anybody stop you from sleeping over?

It’s been a few years since I’ve done Reading but it used to be they’d check wristbands and only those with camping tickets can get into the campsite area.

They might be planning to try and sneak in, which they might be able to get away with - but if they don’t they’ll be stuck if they have no other plan.

Monestera · 08/08/2021 08:43

The girls won’t sort this out. It will get left to the last minute.

Then they will learn that some things are best considered in advance. I can't see why they can't get the train. They'll be together.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/08/2021 08:43

What is the solution then if not to contact the parents? I mean I wouldn’t normally do this for that sort of age. But technically she is still a child and even 17 yos mess up sometimes. Soif they’re not sorting themselves out, it seems like the only solution apart from trying to ban her from going or telling her she’s on her own to sort plans… then inevitably collecting them at a stupid time.

LawnFever · 08/08/2021 08:44

@HarebrightCedarmoon

Can't they just take a tent?
Only if they buy weekend tickets, you can’t camp with a day ticket and probably won’t be able to get into the camping area.
honeybuns007 · 08/08/2021 08:44

OP, I think if they are capable of attending a festival the. They are capable of catching trains even if if is a convoluted route. It will be a great learning experience for them. I'm wondering what BF's parents are thinking their dd will do

Standrewsschool · 08/08/2021 08:45

In a years time, the girls could be going to university, and living independently. You could consider this as the first step in that journey. Don’t do anything. Let them take the responsibility of sorting it out. If this is last minute, so what. It’s a lesson learnt.

Even crossing London late at night is doable. They’re not travelling alone, and I presume it will just involve catching tubes from one platform to another. That’s fairly safe.

ILoveFlumps · 08/08/2021 08:45

@whippitwoowoo

They are still close friends. I actually don’t have a clue what the BF thinks will happen.

Thanks Iloveflumps for that info.

Feel free to PM me if you need any help with logistics/options etc. Hope you sort something, the line up is fab this year and they will love it if they can go!
grafittiartist · 08/08/2021 08:47

Are there any coaches specifically for the festival?

TempName01 · 08/08/2021 08:49

Leave them to sort themselves!

I asked the BF yesterday and she said “my parents are taking us but my dads got work now so are not staying anymore “

I would take that to mean the parents are driving them there and back now instead of staying over.

Bagelsandbrie · 08/08/2021 08:50

@Standrewsschool

In a years time, the girls could be going to university, and living independently. You could consider this as the first step in that journey. Don’t do anything. Let them take the responsibility of sorting it out. If this is last minute, so what. It’s a lesson learnt.

Even crossing London late at night is doable. They’re not travelling alone, and I presume it will just involve catching tubes from one platform to another. That’s fairly safe.

Yes absolutely this.
CeeceeBloomingdale · 08/08/2021 08:51

It's up to your daughter to communicate with you, not the parents! It's no wonder you say they won't sort anything out for themselves if you are babying your DD to this extent, she probably doesn't know how. I was travelling abroad without parents at 17. You need to sit her down and ask her how she is going to sort it if you're worried she is leaving it to the last minute.

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 08:54

Listen, none of you know my DD. I do. She was told that she was staying in the caravan.
The friend said nothing until last night when I specifically asked about the plans.
I have said to them both that they need to get it sorted quickly.

OP posts:
iamjustlurking · 08/08/2021 08:55

I am also right near Reading
In the last couple of years they have changed the set up as you used to walk through camping to get to arena. So not sure when @lawnfever went
They do not to my knowledge check wristbands for camping how the logistics of that set up would be a nightmare .
I think they could crash in someone's tent they would not be able to leave site and gain re entry after but could leave arena and go to camping area
Pickup is possible it is hectic but as long as you both have mobiles
If she has Sunday ticket that is a nightmare as you have alot of weekenders leaving it is chaotic!

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 08:57

Those of you saying “I was travelling at 17” so what?

My dd hasn’t had the opportunity to become independent and explore the world due to a pandemic!
She has been home for most of gcse and first college year.

Going to a festival 100 miles away is not the way to find out how independent she is.

OP posts:
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