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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feeling resentful but I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not…

314 replies

whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 08:10

First off, I’m going to go and see this parent later today to find out what’s happening. I think this is better than just waiting for 2 teens to sort this situation out.

My DD17 and her BF bought day tickets to Reading festival ages ago.
The BF parents said they will take their caravan and stay nearby so the girls can stay with them at the end of the day.
Great, I agreed for my DD to buy a ticket knowing she can stay with her mates parents afterwards.
All the other friends in the group have got weekend tickets.

For info we live 100 miles away from Reading.

I’ve noticed that no plans are being firmed up and my DD isn’t saying much.

I asked the BF yesterday and she said “my parents are taking us but my dads got work now so are not staying anymore “

So, no one has told me this before and hasn’t thought to tell me that the 2 teens now have no where to stay or anyone getting them at the end.

So , it’s gonna fall to me to drive 200 mile round trip late at night. But no one thinks to actually communicate anything to me.

If it was me I would contact the other parent to say I can’t do what I originally agreed to.

I’m so pissed off. I don’t want to drive to fecking Reading.
I would never have agreed to my DD going if I had to go myself.

I’m absolutely knackered. I have worked relentlessly throughout the past 18 months and feel burnout.

I’ve lost the ability to work out if I’m unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
WorkHardPlayHard1 · 09/08/2021 23:07

@Bertiebiscuit

I wouldn't let my daughter go - you've been conned and must not allow them to get away with it
you are assuming a lot and missing a concert at 17 would be gutting for then? They've been stuck in for more or less 18 months, have a heart! 💞
TopBlogger · 09/08/2021 23:08

Sad you didn't learn to read or reflect or know the difference between their, there and they're

Glitterandunicorns · 09/08/2021 23:48

Hi OP, you mentioned you'd like for your daughter to "crash in a mate's tent". The last time I was there (about three years ago) they were super strict in preventing day ticket holders from accessing the camp areas. They have separate entrances and can't easily be accessed without the correct colour wristband.

I'm sorry your daughter is in this position. FYI, if she does end up getting a train, or even having you pick her up, be aware that literally thousands of other people are making those travel arrangements too and it can take a ridiculous amount of time to get to the train station or the pick up area just because of the sheer numbers of people walking along or waiting for lifts.

If she does get a train, it's safest to book seats on a train as otherwise she may not be able to get on the one she planned, again because of the number of other festival goers trying to get to London.

Frankly, in that situation, I'm not sure I'd allow my 17 year old to go. If she's not able to organise herself enough to get home, and more importantly discuss the issues with you, then I'd be concerned she's not responsible enough to attend a festival where drugs are rife and people can be scary (I say this as someone who's been there more than ten times). She'd sell her ticket easily enough.

Plumtree391 · 09/08/2021 23:59

@TopBlogger

Sad you didn't learn to read or reflect or know the difference between their, there and they're
Very well said, TopBlogger.

OP, why don't you just ask your daughter's friend's parents if their offer of the caravan is still on, whether they are going to stay there or just take it and leave it for the youngsters? That seems the easiest thing to do.

Tam20779 · 10/08/2021 00:00

@Marmitemarinaded

**I’ve said I’m not driving there late at night. My dd has said she will sell her ticket. *she knows she won’t manage getting trains back. * *she just doesn’t have enough experience or sense of direction. *

Op I suggest you spend some time helping your daughter on this front, as to be this age and not be able to travel on a train - is concerning

Why is it concerning? Some kids won’t have the need to travel by train at all in their lives. Especially if they live close to friends, school etc. I am 42 and the only time I have been on a train was to go to London when my eldest was about 3. I actually had nightmares about being lost in a London train station before hand. It is daunting for me getting a train, let alone for a 17 year old going 100 miles away from home. OP I would be exactly the same. YANBU to think that when the plans changed you should have at least been made aware of it.
RedToothBrush · 10/08/2021 00:22

Jesus wept some of these replies about 17 year old babies are depressing.

Just give her a train ticket and some cotton wool and she will be fine.

MakeMathsFun · 10/08/2021 03:57

Did the other parents directly tell you themselves that they were going to take their caravan and stay nearby? Or did the teenagers make this up?

Plumtree391 · 10/08/2021 04:11

MakeMathsFun, I suggested the op talk to the other parents. The information she is getting is at least second hand.

MakeMathsFun · 10/08/2021 04:14

@RedToothBrush

Jesus wept some of these replies about 17 year old babies are depressing.

Just give her a train ticket and some cotton wool and she will be fine.

Not all 17-year-olds are the same. Some have had hardened life experiences, some have been very independent, many are emotionally immature and inexperienced, some have had bad life experiences like being raped, some are very dependent on the security of their family. Everyone is unique, so labelling these girls as "17 year old babies" is like the school bullies who put peer pressure on other kids for being "wimps". A very irresponsible response. Everyone is unique and if these girls lives have been solely in the safety of school/family/(or church ) life, then to suddenly step out alone into the big wide world could be very daunting. Would you want your daughter to travel 100 miles alone to an alcohol fuelled event and come home on a train that might not exist after midnight, or might not even run at all due to railway servicing? OK, they are old enough on paper to join the army, but in reality, many 17-year-olds are not ready to deal with it. Heck, I know much older adults who are too scared to go out after 9pm - not because they are babies, but because there is knife crime and illegal substances abuse happening in the parks near where they live. So don't dismiss them as babies, just because they have the wisdom and responsibility to try to keep safe!!!
50ShadesOfCatholic · 10/08/2021 04:47

@RedToothBrush

Jesus wept some of these replies about 17 year old babies are depressing.

Just give her a train ticket and some cotton wool and she will be fine.

Jesus most definitely would not have wept about people being kind to teenagers. That was the sort of shit he encouraged. He might very well have cried about grown ups bullying young people though.
Lotsalotsagiggles · 10/08/2021 04:59

Options

Email the festival inbox and ask if anyway their tickets can be upgraded and they crash in friends tent

Don't drive to pick them
Up but meet them off the train in London?

Just pay for them to stay near by?

Any friends with a camper van?

Stifledlife · 10/08/2021 06:51

People saying that you or they should drive don't know Reading when the festival is on. The queue to get into reading starts on the motorway and it takes 2 hours at least, crawling through the town. The pick-up car parks are a long walk from the festival, (Some people collect in the tesco carpark!), and then the one way system through reading is long and congested.
I did the drop off and pick up once.
The traffic was so horrendous and took so long that we arranged that I would pick up and drop off at a station on the reading line (so direct with no changes), and that's what we did for the subsequent years and subsequent children. It was still a 30 minute drive but an easy drop off and collection, and it was really straightforward for the kids too.
Could this be an option?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/08/2021 08:31

that sounds like good advice from @stifledlife. and good info about navigating the crowds.

I hope you and your daughter do manage to sort this out in a way that works for both of you and that she doesn't have to sell her ticket.
I think its fair enough that you help her sort out the journey. If a person lives in London and is experienced in getting across it by public transport late at night, then of course its easy for them, but your 17 year old hasn't had experience of that yet, so a bit of advice/or help in planning wouldn't go amiss.

Birminghambloke · 10/08/2021 09:09

@Stifledlife

People saying that you or they should drive don't know Reading when the festival is on. The queue to get into reading starts on the motorway and it takes 2 hours at least, crawling through the town. The pick-up car parks are a long walk from the festival, (Some people collect in the tesco carpark!), and then the one way system through reading is long and congested. I did the drop off and pick up once. The traffic was so horrendous and took so long that we arranged that I would pick up and drop off at a station on the reading line (so direct with no changes), and that's what we did for the subsequent years and subsequent children. It was still a 30 minute drive but an easy drop off and collection, and it was really straightforward for the kids too. Could this be an option?
There are some hotels near the stations on this line too, which might be a bit cheaper more mid between Reading and London! It’s just whether the girls are trustworthy enough to sort themselves, bearing in mind they weren’t forthcoming about the change in arrangements. They’d be able to sell tickets now!
Doubledoorsontogarden · 10/08/2021 11:25

Booking.com have a couple of hotels for £130

Cottagepieandpeas · 10/08/2021 11:58

@Summerfun54321

She should crash in a friends tent, then home the next day. Sorted.
If it was that easy I doubt many people would bother buying weekend/camping tickets.
Plumtree391 · 10/08/2021 12:47

Has the op spoken to the caravan-owning parents yet? She won't know what to do, if anything, until she has all the facts first hand. I don't understand the lack of communication, when mine was a teenager parents were in touch with each other about things like holiday/going away somewhere (especially as it usually involved parents financing it).

Rivermonsters · 10/08/2021 13:02

@ShakesSnakesSh0w not a really helpful comment is it

PrincessNutella · 10/08/2021 14:13

I think you know your child, OP, and I think you should ignore what other people are saying. I was a very independent 17 year old, too, but I was at boarding school starting age 14. Not all kids are ready to handle independence at the same age.

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 10/08/2021 15:31

People saying that you or they should drive don't know Reading when the festival is on. The queue to get into reading starts on the motorway and it takes 2 hours at least, crawling through the town. The pick-up car parks are a long walk from the festival, (Some people collect in the tesco carpark!), and then the one way system through reading is long and congested.

I've made peace in my head that I will get them at the end of the first day (Friday)

Reading this has made me quite concerned.

Someone upthread has said TGI Fridays car park is a good place to collect. Would you agree?

OP posts:
the80sweregreat · 10/08/2021 15:59

It's sad your so worried, but I can understand it to be honest. The teens have all gone from being cooped up ( mostly) to being allowed out almost overnight and not everyone is street wise. I would look at the maps on line of where the festival is and what is around near by where you can pick them up from which might be away from all the traffic somewhere.
Good luck , I hope she enjoys her time at the festival!

tealady · 10/08/2021 16:23

@whippitwoowoo there will be lots of traffic when the festival 'weekenders' arrive and depart with all their gear. Check dates but I think they can arrive weds or thurs and leave sunday or monday. I did 2 or years of collecting from TGI's coming in from the M4 have never had a problem getting into Reading on the Friday or saturday night for collection (driving in from 40 mins south east of reading via A329M).
This would have been 5/6 years ago so hopefully nothing has changed too drastically since then.

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 10/08/2021 16:26

Thanks @tealady

OP posts:
Vanilla2cars · 10/08/2021 17:04

Summerfun54321

She should crash in a friends tent, then home the next day. Sorted.

Day tickets are not valid in the camping areas and there are security guards checking wristbands so no, this won’t work.

putthebinsout · 10/08/2021 18:55

@whippitwoowoo

People saying that you or they should drive don't know Reading when the festival is on. The queue to get into reading starts on the motorway and it takes 2 hours at least, crawling through the town. The pick-up car parks are a long walk from the festival, (Some people collect in the tesco carpark!), and then the one way system through reading is long and congested.

I've made peace in my head that I will get them at the end of the first day (Friday)

Reading this has made me quite concerned.

Someone upthread has said TGI Fridays car park is a good place to collect. Would you agree?

I live in Reading. That time of night collecting them from TGIs will be fine. Give an extra half hour and definitely use TGIs rather than closer to the festival but you'll be okay. The 2 hour waits are for the beginning of each day
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