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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feeling resentful but I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not…

314 replies

whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 08:10

First off, I’m going to go and see this parent later today to find out what’s happening. I think this is better than just waiting for 2 teens to sort this situation out.

My DD17 and her BF bought day tickets to Reading festival ages ago.
The BF parents said they will take their caravan and stay nearby so the girls can stay with them at the end of the day.
Great, I agreed for my DD to buy a ticket knowing she can stay with her mates parents afterwards.
All the other friends in the group have got weekend tickets.

For info we live 100 miles away from Reading.

I’ve noticed that no plans are being firmed up and my DD isn’t saying much.

I asked the BF yesterday and she said “my parents are taking us but my dads got work now so are not staying anymore “

So, no one has told me this before and hasn’t thought to tell me that the 2 teens now have no where to stay or anyone getting them at the end.

So , it’s gonna fall to me to drive 200 mile round trip late at night. But no one thinks to actually communicate anything to me.

If it was me I would contact the other parent to say I can’t do what I originally agreed to.

I’m so pissed off. I don’t want to drive to fecking Reading.
I would never have agreed to my DD going if I had to go myself.

I’m absolutely knackered. I have worked relentlessly throughout the past 18 months and feel burnout.

I’ve lost the ability to work out if I’m unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
Cyberattack · 08/08/2021 15:32

OP of course you are not being unreasonable. A 17 year old is still a child and given the pandemic some of them have been overly restricted for the last two years and are not yet used to being independent. The world is a scary place for them.
In any case, a caring and responsible parent stills needs to look out for her child.
OP, I hope you manage to work something out but if not there is always next year.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 08/08/2021 15:42

It's a shame she has to sell her ticket and can't go, through no fault of her own.

Would you consider taking them and asking the other parents - who changed the plans - to pick up?

Picking up is much worse IME. When dropping off, you drop and go. When collecting, you've got to sit and wait for them to find you (busy, dark etc), load car with muddy wet gear and drive home with grumpy, shattered kids.

Or could she upgrade to a weekend ticket?
Or is there a nearby hotel they could stay at?

ScabbyHorse · 08/08/2021 15:44

Lend her the money to upgrade her ticket to weekend camping.

CatAlice · 08/08/2021 15:45

So they have a lift there and you, not unreasonably, don't want to pick them up in the middle of the night. Could they borrow a tent and you go next day?

Would you consider taking them and asking the other parents - who changed the plans - to pick up? Solid idea!

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 16:15

I have offered to drop off. I know this option is much better for me.

I wouldn't be spiteful about this situation as someone has mentioned but im also not a mug.

If we had been told a while ago that the plans had changed my DD could have bought a coach ticket, now there are none.

She only has a day ticket for Friday.

My DH and I are discussing what options there are. One being she sells the ticket.

For those saying she is mollycoddled etc. You dont know her or what she has coped with over the last 5 years. She has worked every weekend since leaving school and gets about into the local city herself. Uses buses and plans her own social life.

She doesn't have the independence that I had in the 90's but this thread is not about what we adults were like as kids

OP posts:
Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 16:16

@fourquenelles

Thank you for such a kind offer

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/08/2021 16:25

If she can't safely get home after she needs to sell the ticket, sadly. I don't blame you for being pissed off.

Monestera · 08/08/2021 16:45

For those saying she is mollycoddled etc. You dont know her or what she has coped with over the last 5 years. She has worked every weekend since leaving school and gets about into the local city herself. Uses buses and plans her own social life.

She (now) sounds mature and independent and capable of using public transport, so I'm wondering what the problem is with her getting a train with a mate.

Bythemillpond · 08/08/2021 16:59

If she has worked every weekend since leaving school and gets herself about on public transport then I don’t understand what the problem is.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/08/2021 17:13

She just doesn’t have enough experience or sense of direction

At 17, she should be able to cope with this easily.

She has worked every weekend since leaving school and gets about into the local city herself. Uses buses and plans her own social life.

So she can do it.

I think you're holding her back to be honest.

Scbchl · 08/08/2021 17:20

People can be such dicks on here. My 16 year old is super independent. She's hardly ever in. She is going to Glasgow with friends for the weekend at the end of the month. No way would I have her travelling for 100 miles herself at night after a festival across London. Its just pretty shit if anything.

Op, if she is only going for the Friday day could she stay in a local b and b and come back the next day? Is there no happy bus from your area or even closer to your area then you could drive to there? Thats how I use to get back after festivals they were always a good laugh.

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 17:33

Thanks @Scbchi

Her getting to work locally and using buses into our nearest place is nothing like going to Reading.

The Buses linked on here earlier have none even vaguely in this direction unfortunately, Otherwise she would book one and I'd meet her partway

OP posts:
kaleidoscopeheartless · 08/08/2021 18:38

No one is being a dick at all. Most posters are shocked at that a nearly 18 year old can't jump on a train with a friend because mummy is worried! At 16 I was in Magaluf for a week with no adults around!

BritWifeInUSA · 08/08/2021 18:41

They are 17 - can they not drive themselves there and back?

KeyWorker · 08/08/2021 18:43

Can’t your Dd sort it herself? I booked, payed for and got myself to Ibiza twice at the age of 17. Surely she can organise a night away.

VladmirsPoutine · 08/08/2021 18:54

Can’t your Dd sort it herself? I booked, payed for and got myself to Ibiza twice at the age of 17. Surely she can organise a night away.

Indeed! In fact when I was even 10 years younger than that at 7 years old I drove my mum 30 miles to the hospital when she was in labour with my little sister. Got to the hospital, parallel parked and delivered the baby myself. Frankly I don't know why OP's daughter isn't able to acquire a pilot license then charter a helicopter with her friend to the festival.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 08/08/2021 18:56

@BritWifeInUSA

They are 17 - can they not drive themselves there and back?
Most 17 year olds don't have driving licences and/or cars
phishy · 08/08/2021 19:28

YANBU. I think you’ve been kind to offer to drop off, don’t get ropes into picking them up. Think selling tickets is the best option.

drumandthebass · 08/08/2021 20:24

@VladmirsPoutine Grin

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 20:26

@VladmirsPoutine
Grin
Love it.

She is learning to drive but as you know a pandemic put a stop to lessons and there is a huge backlog to tests!

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 08/08/2021 20:48

I don't understand why she can't either look for some accommodation or get public transport home - 17 is pretty old really. Certainly old enough not to need her parents to sort this sort if thing out for her.

Getting the train across London with a friend is not an impossibility.

MargosKaftan · 08/08/2021 21:24

This friend does sound like hard work and I can see why dd would rather not go at all than have to face getting difficult friend organised for public transport home.

If she could get a whole weekend camping ticket with her other friends that would be best. But if she won't enjoy it with added complications/wouldn't have bought ticket if this was the original plan, then best to sell ticket and use the money for something she will enjoy.

I still think the other set of parents have behaved terribly by not telling your DD to her face the offer of lifts and accommodation is withdrawn. So rude.

tealady · 08/08/2021 22:32

You've been put in a rubbish situation. My dd went to Reading on day tickets at 16 and 17 with us collecting (45 mins drive). But we were prepared in advance and shared journeys with her friends parents. If you do decide to collect, my parking tip is to park near TGI Friday's and have your daughter walk out there. Lots of youngsters will be walking the same way (including those heading to the station). It does take a while for them all to get out and a two hourplus journey at that time would not be my first choice so I think you are being perfectly reasonable to say no but on the other hand you may earn a lot of brownie points for saying yes.

I think public transport is slightly risky at that age if she is not used to traveling by train. Experiences and personality can vary so much and its not going to be easy for you to relax if you are not confident she will be ok with the journey.

Don't feel bad if you decide the best option is to sell the tickets this year. There will be plenty more festivals!

LuckyHarold · 08/08/2021 23:16

You want to contact the parents of your 17 year olds friend? 😳 She's 17 not 7. Ask her what she's planning on doing.

If my parents had rang my friends Mum when I was 17 years old I'd have been mortified. She's a big girl!

Original poster
whippitwoowoo · 09/08/2021 07:24

@tealady. Thanks. That’s very helpful advice.

I’ve looked on the official Reading website and it says to collect from a certain car park.

I don’t know the area at all.

I’m trying to work out what to do.
Hotels are £££ even a few miles out.

OP posts: