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Original poster

Feeling resentful but I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not…

314 replies

whippitwoowoo · 08/08/2021 08:10

First off, I’m going to go and see this parent later today to find out what’s happening. I think this is better than just waiting for 2 teens to sort this situation out.

My DD17 and her BF bought day tickets to Reading festival ages ago.
The BF parents said they will take their caravan and stay nearby so the girls can stay with them at the end of the day.
Great, I agreed for my DD to buy a ticket knowing she can stay with her mates parents afterwards.
All the other friends in the group have got weekend tickets.

For info we live 100 miles away from Reading.

I’ve noticed that no plans are being firmed up and my DD isn’t saying much.

I asked the BF yesterday and she said “my parents are taking us but my dads got work now so are not staying anymore “

So, no one has told me this before and hasn’t thought to tell me that the 2 teens now have no where to stay or anyone getting them at the end.

So , it’s gonna fall to me to drive 200 mile round trip late at night. But no one thinks to actually communicate anything to me.

If it was me I would contact the other parent to say I can’t do what I originally agreed to.

I’m so pissed off. I don’t want to drive to fecking Reading.
I would never have agreed to my DD going if I had to go myself.

I’m absolutely knackered. I have worked relentlessly throughout the past 18 months and feel burnout.

I’ve lost the ability to work out if I’m unreasonable or not.

OP posts:
Plumtree391 · 09/08/2021 19:38

@BSideBaby

Are you sure the caravan was ever going to be part of the deal OP? Maybe you were just told that because your DD knew you wouldn't agree to her going otherwise?
In fairness, the op wouldn't have had to agree, a seventeen year old is allowed to much decisions for herself. However if she was asked to finance the trip, that is different.
PlanDeRaccordement · 09/08/2021 19:46

It’s a bit unreasonable to blame the other parents when it’s not their fault that work commitments have sprung up. I agree that at 17, it’s teens communicating with each other and relaying to parents, not direct parent to parent communication, so if there is anyone to blame it would be your DD and only if she failed to tell you for days...how do you know that you’re finding out days later from everyone else? This could have just come up.

I don’t see why it has to be you driving 200 miles round trip in a day.....Why can’t you book a cheap hotel nearby like in a Bath and do a spa day while they are at festival. Or DD takes a train there and back and you just up for dropping and picking up at station.as others have suggested..I did that for my teens going into Paris.

Think a bit creatively about how to make it work for all concerned. This is really not a huge thing to stress and get angry over. Maybe you have anger issues and your DD was afraid to tell you...

Birminghambloke · 09/08/2021 19:56

Regarding trains, just double check for works. Usually there are some on the London to Reading lines on bank holiday weekends. They’re advertising works/ disruption on Capital radio and to check for journey disruption!

Ideasplease322 · 09/08/2021 19:58

Brilliant opportunity for two nearly adult women to problem solve.

Have they googled transport, b&bs?

University is going to be a big shock for these ladies if their parents need to phone each other to sort this one out.

MidsummerMimi · 09/08/2021 20:01

_I accept and respect what others are saying, but I would contact the other parents.
Your decision to allow your DD to attend the festival was dependent on the BFs parents providing accommodation.
That is what gave you peace of mind and took care of the logistics.
17 is old enough for some independence , but they are not technically adults.
I would be reluctant to leave them entirely to their own devices for travel home plans.
What would be manageable in normal circumstances, will be very different mid festival.
Mud, uncharged phones, road closures, all in an unfamiliar area.
Things will be hectic, crowded and chaotic on trains and I would imagine that local accommodation is jam packed, but I would ask them to try and find somewhere to stay overnight.
The University may have accommodation.
My DD also 17 is going to festival , so we are having similar conversations. My DB used to live in Reading, so familiar with festival.
If you can be reassured that they can get safely to decent accommodation at the end of the day would that give you peace of mind?
Do you think they could get public transport home the next day or is that too complicated?
Would that be possible, but cost a fortune?

upthekyber · 09/08/2021 20:03

No wonder she went quiet, she probably knew you would over react.
Instead of leaping in why haven't you asked what they intend to do? If your dad bf has really not told her you can bet she has made arrangements which didn't include your daughter but I suspect they had a thought to just see what happens and blah it staying in friends tend.

the80sweregreat · 09/08/2021 20:10

Parents are more involved with their children at 17 than they were years ago , plus IF anything goes wrong it's always ' where were the parents!' You cannot win these days.
I'm on your side op, you thought one thing was happening and now it's changed : it is worrying and although they need to sort it, I don't blame you for being concerned and finding out where they are staying or what plan b is etc. Reading is a huge festival.
I hope they can sort it out.

Cotswoldmama · 09/08/2021 20:11

It's a very long time since I went to Reading festival but when I did one of my friends could only get a day ticket but they still stayed and camped with us. The camping is on site but to get to the stages you have to go through and show your wrist pass. So if it's still the same she could sleep in a friend's tent and then try to get back the next day.

Listener2021 · 09/08/2021 20:16

I'd do the drive. It's a one off. She'll always remember if she has to sell the ticket. And she'll always remember if instead you do the drive.

the80sweregreat · 09/08/2021 20:23

Could you stay in a travel lodge and go and get them or something? I appreciate everything might be booked up now though but might be worth a look ?
I do understand how you feel . Teens can be exhausting and often don't understand why we worry about them and their plans.

Bertiebiscuit · 09/08/2021 20:29

I wouldn't let my daughter go - you've been conned and must not allow them to get away with it

RubyViolet · 09/08/2021 20:31

There are checkpoints at the main arena , not sure about points into the camping fields. Once they leave the main arena they won’t get back in unless they switch wristbands with friends. In my day there was no photo ID or apps to show so we bunked in and out on day tickets…
There are police between the festival and Reading Staion, it’s really not that far to walk. There will be crowds walking back into Reading station for those last trains so they won’t be alone.
I was doing this with friends at 16, they will be fine getting the train.

Cliff1975 · 09/08/2021 20:32

She is 17, she wants to go, she needs to sort it out.

the80sweregreat · 09/08/2021 20:38

I guess that the security is high around the venue and station and maybe cabs about too if they don't want to walk to the station. Must be very busy. It's just the thought of them out late at night on trains back to London etc.
have you spoken to her anymore about it?

RedToothBrush · 09/08/2021 20:38

@whippitwoowoo

Those of you saying “I was travelling at 17” so what?

My dd hasn’t had the opportunity to become independent and explore the world due to a pandemic!
She has been home for most of gcse and first college year.

Going to a festival 100 miles away is not the way to find out how independent she is.

My first gig was in London. I lived in the North West.

I had to get the coach there (which I worked out all by myself) and back straight after the gig.

Before that I'd never done anything like that. My mum had always given me lifts everywhere because of where we live (no public transport).

Honestly, throwing in the deep end isn't such a bad thing. Its an adventure and even if she's had no chance for independence due to the pandemic, thats even more reason to chuck her in the deep end and get her to work it out herself precisely because she hasn't had the opportunity before.

Having been to many gigs over the years by myself, and being a Reading Vet there will be loads of people going back to London by train at the same time. It will be busy (even if you leave early) and not particularly daunting.

I have issues with going to places I've not been before but the whole adrenalin and excitement of going to a gig do make it much easier to deal with.

Honestly, I get your anxiety about it, but it might be a real opportunity to help her.

Failing that, I really do think you should just suck it up and pick her up. My Mum would have in a heart beat. Just to help me gain some of that independence and life experience I hadn't had.

RedToothBrush · 09/08/2021 20:43

Mud, uncharged phones, road closures, all in an unfamiliar area.

God. Imagine that.

At a festival.

As a teen.

Confused

(You'd almost think they didn't have phone charging points onsite these days)

BoredZelda · 09/08/2021 20:51

They can try to book airbnb or something in there for a night and mske their way home next day.

Don’t you need to be 18 to book an air bnb?

the80sweregreat · 09/08/2021 21:01

I don't blame the op for being concerned here. I used to worry about my two at festivals and gigs they were boys! Plus her friend sounds a bit flaky and I'd be worried she will leave her to her own devices or something as well. I bet her parents were not involved at all , she may have just said this so the ops daughter would agree to go along. That's what I would think anyway.
I wouldn't have coped with a festival at 17 and I'm old now but then I was never street wise at all. Not all 17 year olds are the same and they have been told to stay at home for 18 months as well so honing those skills have been stopped too.

Summerfun54321 · 09/08/2021 21:03

She should crash in a friends tent, then home the next day. Sorted.

sausagepastapot · 09/08/2021 21:04

I have just looked- there are a few cheap air bnbs available in Caversham which is a 30 minute walk from the main site. I'd send her the link for that and get her to do the rest.

sausagepastapot · 09/08/2021 21:06

She definitely will not get into the camping area without the right wrist band. Reading Festival goer of plus 20 years here.

sausagepastapot · 09/08/2021 21:08

Walking to the train station will be far quicker than waiting for a cab- the main road is totally rammed at the end of the night, cabs are few and far between and will take forever. If she's going to get a train somewhere, she is far better off walking there- it's about 20 minutes walk tops once you get out of the arena (which in itself can take 20 minutes due to so many there doing the same)

the80sweregreat · 09/08/2021 21:14

It is a tricky one.
Could you meet her half way or something or off one of the trains out of reading into London ?
At least with mobiles it is easier to keep in touch and find out where people are.
There should be trains running I would have thought.

Backwaterjunction · 09/08/2021 22:36

I don’t understand there 17 they can make there own way there adults!

I went to my first concert with my best mate when we were both 15, on our own 60 miles away, by 17 I was going to London on my own which is 120 miles away to watch bands and go to festivals all over the country

50ShadesOfCatholic · 09/08/2021 22:45

@Backwaterjunction

I don’t understand there 17 they can make there own way there adults!

I went to my first concert with my best mate when we were both 15, on our own 60 miles away, by 17 I was going to London on my own which is 120 miles away to watch bands and go to festivals all over the country

Gosh aren't you amazing. Sad you didn't learn to read or reflect.