Feeling resentful but I don’t know if I’m being irrational or not…

[whippitwoowoo]

First off, I’m going to go and see this parent later today to find out what’s happening. I think this is better than just waiting for 2 teens to sort this situation out.

My DD17 and her BF bought day tickets to Reading festival ages ago.
The BF parents said they will take their caravan and stay nearby so the girls can stay with them at the end of the day.
Great, I agreed for my DD to buy a ticket knowing she can stay with her mates parents afterwards.
All the other friends in the group have got weekend tickets.

For info we live 100 miles away from Reading.

I’ve noticed that no plans are being firmed up and my DD isn’t saying much.

I asked the BF yesterday and she said “my parents are taking us but my dads got work now so are not staying anymore “

So, no one has told me this before and hasn’t thought to tell me that the 2 teens now have no where to stay or anyone getting them at the end.

So , it’s gonna fall to me to drive 200 mile round trip late at night. But no one thinks to actually communicate anything to me.

If it was me I would contact the other parent to say I can’t do what I originally agreed to.

I’m so pissed off. I don’t want to drive to fecking Reading.
I would never have agreed to my DD going if I had to go myself.

I’m absolutely knackered. I have worked relentlessly throughout the past 18 months and feel burnout.

I’ve lost the ability to work out if I’m unreasonable or not.

Thanks

I did reading day tickets at 15 years old on the train. She’s old enough to have kids. She’s not a child anymore…

At this age I took off for a month backpacking across Europe with a mate. Never mind passing through London at night: we were sleeping in train stations in major cities. Our parents didn’t hear from us for a month other than a couple of postcards (which arrived home after us).
Why on earth do you need to be involved in the festival arrangements of a 17 year old?

@likeafishneedsabike

At this age I took off for a month backpacking across Europe with a mate. Never mind passing through London at night: we were sleeping in train stations in major cities. Our parents didn’t hear from us for a month other than a couple of postcards (which arrived home after us). Why on earth do you need to be involved in the festival arrangements of a 17 year old?

Oh another one 🙄🙄🙄

@likeafishneedsabike

At this age I took off for a month backpacking across Europe with a mate. Never mind passing through London at night: we were sleeping in train stations in major cities. Our parents didn’t hear from us for a month other than a couple of postcards (which arrived home after us). Why on earth do you need to be involved in the festival arrangements of a 17 year old?

Let me guess

Now you spend £1.44 a week on feeding a family of 6 healthy and fulfilling meals? You make a roast chicken last 3 weeks?

I have read through your posting history and absolutely understand why you are over protective of your daughter.

But she and her friend do need to grow up a bit. Her friend in particular.

Their solution to the problem should not have been you going to collect them. They should have researched other options and come to you with a plan.

Yes the other parents suck - but good for your daughter to learn people are flaky and not to rely on them again.

I assume your daughter has other issues from your comment that she couldn’t leave home at 18. But she does seem very sheltered. I hope to gets the opportunity to expand her world a bit

If I'd have been a mature 17 year old, I'd buy the 'oh but some 17 year olds can't manage it' stuff.

I was one of the most immature and least independent 17 year olds in my school year. I really struggled with social situations. I was the nerd who everyone thought was uncool.

So yes i thoroughly think there's an issue here with over protective parenting that isn't explained away by covid.

That said im really pleased to see that the OP has decided to pick up her daughter and to almost fill that gap between worrying and allowing her daughter the opportunity to start to learn to manage situations like this. It matters and its important.

One tip for you though. If you or your daughter need to get in touch to meet each other, its better to ring than to message simply because you can get phone mast delays from the unusually high number of people in the vinicity. There is nothing worse than getting a crucial message hours after it was sent. (and yes still a problem at gigs and large events even now).

At 16 I went to the Edinburgh Festival with a friend and at 17 I cycled round Normandy. But only because my DM married a man she didn’t like who only took her on holiday. My DM made it clear I was on my own and I had to get myself to Uni by myself in the train starting with Freshers Week. This has stayed with me and we are not close. I ferry my DCs around and my DB has ferried his DCs around the country for various sporting events. My DB and I are close to our young adult children even though DM says we should cut the apron strings and then complains that we don’t phone her enough.

This is a long winded way of saying that you are doing the right thing by picking her up. Her plans have been messed up by someone else and now she needs a bit of help. She will remember this and the fact that you have her back and you can be relied upon to help her in adverse situations.

She is only 17. Next time you can sit her down and work out all the Plan Bs and Cs to get her out of difficulty on her own.

I wouldn’t expect a personal daily taxi service at 17, btw.

@Marmitemarinaded

All that done while upcycling orange boxes into a dining set and chairs

Some people have done wonderfully independent things at 17 or younger.
Sometimes this was for wholly positive reasons and sometimes it was because home circumstances meant you had to grow up and get out of the way early.
There is difference between being independent and being able to make safe and sensible decisions.
The two don’t always go together.
The later depends on situational judgment and and the ability to foresee possible outcomes.
These skills normally come with being a bit older and having real life experience.
BFs lovely teen was a model of independence until they rode their bike into path of a car, whilst wearing air pods, on noise cancelling mode.

Very good post, MidsummerMimi.

I don't think it is particularly helpful for us to say or boast about what we did at 17. Everyone is different. Most 17 year olds are still at school and dependent on their parents. It's also quite natural for a parent to worry about their teenage child going somewhere or doing something different, when the arrangements are not clear.

Thank you Plumtree391
Sorry my phone wouldn’t let me type your name in bold

@Plumtree391

Very good post, MidsummerMimi.

I don't think it is particularly helpful for us to say or boast about what we did at 17. Everyone is different. Most 17 year olds are still at school and dependent on their parents. It's also quite natural for a parent to worry about their teenage child going somewhere or doing something different, when the arrangements are not clear.

Agreed, I think it's a continuation of "why isn't your DC out of nappies yet?"